Funny Mathematics Quotes

If equations are trains threading the landscape of numbers, then no train stops at pi. ~ Richard Preston

No human investigation can be called real knowledge if it does not pass through mathematical demonstrations; and if you say that the kinds of knowledge that begin and end in the mind have any value as truth, this cannot be conceded, but rather must be denied for many reasons, and first of all because in such mental discussions there is no experimentation, without which nothing provides certainty of itself. ~ Leonardo Da Vinci

The man ignorant of mathematics will be increasingly limited in his grasp of the main forces of civilization. ~ John G. Kemeny

Arithmetic is numbers you squeeze from your head to your hand to your pencil to your paper till you get the answer. ~ Carl Sandburg

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. ~ Fran Lebowitz

I never did very well in math-I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally. ~ Calvin Trillin

It is a funny paradox of design: utility breeds beauty. There is elegance in efficiency, a visual pleasure in things that just barely work. ~ Ben Orlin

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. ~ Bryan White

Torn clothes are funny ... until your dad gets fired. ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Time is long but life is short. ~ Stevie Wonder

This situation was a heart attack waiting to happen. He just knew it. The stress of the job, now this. Yep, he was going to keel over. He could see the writing on his tombstone now: Sloane Brodie departed this world at age 37 due to massive coronary trauma as a result of idiot partner Dexter J. Daley.
--Sloane ~ Charlie Cochet

I said: All right, talk, but do you mind putting the gun away? My wife doesn't care, but I'm pregnant and I don't want the child to be born with ... ~ Dashiell Hammett

Sure you can be a coward and hope somone else changes the wrld for you. You can hide up in that attic of yours until someone knocks on the door and says, 'Oh, hey, they freed the hidden. Want to come out?' Is that what you want"
Luke didnt answer
"You've got to come, Luke, or you'll hate yourself the rest of your life. When you dont have to hide anymore, even years from now, there'll always be some small part of you whispering 'I don't deserve this. I didnt fight for it. I'm not worth it.' And you are, Luke, you are. You're smart and funny and nice, and you should be living life, instead of being buried alive in that old house of yours ~ Margaret Peterson Haddix

The tires are called wets, because they're used in the wet. And these tires are called slicks, because they're very slick. ~ Murray Walker

The fact that 'A Dirty Job' has comedy and supernatural horror in it, that both are woven in and out of it with a whimsical tone, despite the fact that it's about death, makes it hard to characterize with standard genre labels - but I have no problem with that. I'd call it a funny story about death, and leave it at that. ~ Christopher Moore

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? ~ Steven Wright

It's funny how life moves in a complete circle sometimes. There might be lots of bumps in the road and maybe even a few cliffs, but it's a journey, and sometimes it can bring you to the most wonderful places. ~ Nyrae Dawn

My songs are personal music, they're not communal. I wouldn't want people singing along with me. It would sound funny. I'm not playing campfire meetings. I don't remember anyone singing along with Elvis, Carl Perkins or Little Richard. ~ Bob Dylan

He liked three kinds of films: pretty bathing girls with bare legs; policemen or cowboys and an industrious shooting of revolvers; and funny fat men who ate spaghetti. ~ Sinclair Lewis

A funny thing about living abroad is that what might separate us expats back home brought us closer together in China. We'd listen to their complaints about the food, their legs swelling up with the MSG, and instead of rolling our eyes as we might've thought we would at Americans complaining abroad, we listened and offered advice on where to find more palatable, familiar food. For their part, they seemed to conveniently ignore the fact that we were living together unwed, and when they'd pass by our room, door open, there was no strong feeling of judgment. ~ Megan Rich

Lily, the girl who'd talked back to the jock, said, "I want to get as far away
from my parents as possible. We're like potassium and water."
The other kids laughed and I said, "Huh?"
"If potassium comes into contact with water, it instantly combusts," Lily
said slowly so if she was talking to a child. ~ Marta Acosta

Jon Stewart hires people that he thinks are funny. That's it. That's the only requirement. ~ Olivia Munn

What affected me most profoundly was the realization that the sciences of cryptography and mathematics are very elegant, pure sciences. I found that the ends for which these pure sciences are used are less elegant. ~ James Sanborn

The plain truth is we are going to die. Here I am, a teeny spec surrounded by boundless space and time, arguing with the whole of creation, shaking my fist, sputtering, growing even eloquent at times, and then-poof! I am gone. Swept off once and for all. I think that is very, very funny. ~ Charles Simic

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass. ~ Steven Wright

Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.
This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like people getting spanked during sex. H said he might have heard it mentioned while watching MSNBC. I told him he was grounded from watching the news channels for a week. That's where this whole sidebar should have ended, but then I was forced to explain S & M and bondage to my little brother, who was persistent on the topic, and who kept staring at me with mounting horror when I finally /did/ explain, and I realized I had maybe gone too far, and we had to spend the next five minutes swearing to God that I had never nor would I ever attempt to do anything like that. He might now be the only nine-year-old who has heard the terms "cock ring" and "fisting". My parenting skills are unparalleled. ~ T.J. Klune

Most girls take one look at you and swoon. You've never had to really work for someone's affection or put effort into maintaining it. In many ways, your natural gifts have done you a disservice
they've stunted your sensitivity and charm! You've never had to develop insight into what will make a girl laugh and come to love you for reasons that aren't handsome or heroic. That's why smees are experts on the subtle arts of courtship and seduction; nothing comes easy to us, but we do understand and live by the Lover's Maxim."
"And what on earth is the Lover's Maxim?" asked Maz, feeling very uninformed.
The smee cleared his throat. "If you can't be handsome, be rich. If you can't be rich, be strong. If you cant be strong, be witty."
"But what if you can't be witty?" Max wondered.
"Learn the guitar. ~ Henry H. Neff

So Isis shows up in Byblos like "Hey queen my husband is embedded in your palace may I please extract him?"
And the queen is like "sure, go ahead. It's not like he's a major structural support or anything, right?" and Isis is like "haha, sucker".
And she goes and removes the pillar WITHOUT DAMAGING THE PALACE AT ALL
Thus inventing Jenga. ~ Cory O'Brien

The golden ratio, as well as the Great Pyramid as an expression of it, is an important key to our universe containing the Earth and the Moon. ... The ratio between the Earth and the Moon is in fact the basis for the mathematical concept of 'squaring the circle' ... ~ Willem Witteveen

We would write scripts, like for 'Shutterbugs.' Then when we shot it, everyone just came up with new stuff. We've definitely learned how to do it better as we've gotten along. So basically, that's how it went. We just go in with ideas and try to figure out funny stuff while we're there. ~ Jason Woliner

But no one believes in that way what he reads in a novel ... Oh yes they do. If only to see themselves as wise and superior and humanistic, they need to think of us as sweet and funny, and convince themselves that they sympathize with the way we are and even love us. ~ Orhan Pamuk

Schumacher has made his final stop three times. ~ Murray Walker

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money. ~ Doug Benson

I do keep getting these bad girl roles. The funny thing is that, honestly, I don't think I'm believable as these aristocratic mean girls. But I do love playing them. ~ Katie McGrath

Taking mathematics from the beginning of the world to the time when Newton lived, what he had done was much the better half. ~ Gottfried Leibniz

He felt like the world didn't want him, like he was born hated, and he was. He was smart, he was funny, he'd never done a bad deed in his life, born innocent just like all the rest of us… but he was black in a white world, and I think somewhere along the way, he stopped feeling like a human being. ~ Rebecca McNutt

It's funny with fiction - once you cut something, it hasn't happened anymore. ~ George Saunders

I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it? ~ Tim Vine

I just find it funny what people will comment on, I try to not pay that much attention to it, but the crazy part is that if I'm doing a squat and I have an action photo, they're like, "Oh your form is off!" And I'm like, are you kidding? I'm still at the gym and you're not! ~ Khloe Kardashian

The question who ought to be boss is like who ought to be the tenor in the quartet? Obviously, the man who can sing tunor. ~ Henry Ford

She's strong! And scary ... I bet she's single ... I'd put money on it.. ~ Masashi Kishimoto

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous. ~ Nobita Nobi

The ratman froze, staring at me. "Why are you laughing?" His voice held just a hint of unease. Good.
I was hoping that the vampires would come for me soon and save me. You've got to admit that's funny. ~ Laurell K. Hamilton

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced. ~ Elinor Glyn

There was a great joke that was forever doing the rounds in the jail and it was probably funny not because it had a humorous punchline but because it was so very true at a deep psychological level. Put anyone in that jail and soon enough they'd actually become a cruel, twisted, sadistic and heartless thug. And some of the prisoners were just as bad. ~ H.M. Forester

Screw sharks; a Transformer could be stretching up on its tippy toes and would still have a mile of cover to eat me. ~ Emma McLaughlin

Such a funny thing, shame, that in the scramble to avoid it, you forget who has the right to shame you in the first place. ~ Keija Parssinen

I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be. ~ Maya Rudolph

Feelings are a funny thing, he realized. They're always more tangled and contradictory and complex than we want them to be. Than we care to admit. ~ Catherine Ryan Hyde

My mate is really, really weird.
She is also absolutely covered in brown, mushy clay.
She laughs and holds a large lump up to show it to me. Her mouth moves, and she makes enough noise to scare away a group of birds near the shore.
She is so, so strange. ~ Shay Savage

Happy is the man with a wife to tell him what to do and a secretary to do it. ~ Benjamin Mancroft, 3rd Baron Mancroft