Funny July 4 Quotes

Thank you. There were three of us kids, all right together. I'm the oldest, she was the knee-baby, and my brother Henry came last. Funny, I miss her all the time, but I miss her most when I'm reading Austen. We'd been fans since we were in the seventh and eighth grade, two Creole girls gigglin' about marriage proposals gone bad. Our daddy teased us about reading each other passages during a Fourth of July crawfish boil, so he named the biggest one Mr. Darcy and threw him in the pot." She looked up, a smile fighting the tears in her eyes. "We refused to eat him. ~ Mary Jane Hathaway

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. - BEN FRANKLIN, POOR RICHARD'S ALMANACK T ~ Neil Gaiman

My friend has never been to a picture show, nor does she intend to: "I'd rather hear you tell the story, Buddy. That way I can imagine it more. Besides, a person my age shouldn't squander their eyes. When the Lord comes, let me see him clear." In addition to never having seen a movie, she has never: eaten in a restaurant, traveled more than five miles from home, received or sent a telegram, read anything except funny papers and the Bible, worn cosmetics, cursed, wished someone harm, told a lie on purpose, let a hungry dog go hungry. Here are a few things she has done, does do: killed with a hoe the biggest rattlesnake ever seen in this county (sixteen rattles), dip snuff (secretly), tame hummingbirds (just try it) till they balance on her finger, tell ghost stories (we both believe in ghosts) so tingling they chill you in July, talk to herself, take walks in the rain, grow the prettiest japonicas in town, know the recipe for every sort of oldtime Indian cure, including a magical wart remover. ~ Truman Capote

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?" ~ Frank Carson

Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there. ~ Chris Evans

Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15. ~ Ronald Reagan

Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. ~ Benjamin Franklin

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it. ~ Stephen Colbert

My father was not a failure. After all, he was the father of a president of the United States. ~ Harry S. Truman

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. ~ Dan Rather