Funny Fish Quotes

Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. ~ Mark Twain

The fishing was good; it was the catching that was bad. ~ A. Best

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. ~ Ernest Hemingway,

I love fishing. You put that line in the water and you don't know what's on the other end. Your imagination is under there. ~ Robert Altman

I grew up a huge fan of The Three Stooges and Monty Python, so somebody getting slapped in the face with a fish, or falling out of a chair, or running into a door, or tripping over their own feet and eating it, is all stuff I find really, really funny. ~ Thomas Sadoski

O, Need's a funny fish: it makes people untruthful. They all suffer from it, but they will not always admit. ~ Salman Rushdie

There is no greater fan of fly fishing than the worm. ~ Patrick F. McManus

The Midwest breeds funny, eccentric people, to varying degrees. You play shows not because you're expecting to get a record deal, but to do something fun outside of mowing lawns. Everything else is just gravy ... Or mustard. ~ Patrick Carney

Be honest with yourself; set the alarm for the time the Real You will get up, not the Ambitious You, because the Ambitious You doesn't really exist. ~ Laurie Notaro

I know not what tomorrow will bring. ~ Fernando Pessoa

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. ~ Minnie Pearl

If you stay still for long enough, the universe whispers its secrets to you. ~ James Kennedy

Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ... ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

Penard's got a secret baby!' Fifteen-year-old Richard twisted his lips up at one end. 'Maybe he has a secret wife in the attic! ~ Olivia Newport

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10. ~ Bill Burr

Careers are funny things. They begin mysteriously and, just as mysteriously, they can end. ~ Edward Albee

When they reached a maintenance closet, Iko ushered the escort-droid inside.
"I want you to know that I hold nothing against you," she said, by way of introduction. "I understand that it isn't your fault your programmer had so little imagination."
The escort-droid held her gaze with empty eyes.
"In another life, we could have been sisters, and I feel it's important to acknowledge that."
A blank stare. A blink, every six seconds.
"But as it stands, I'm a part of an important mission right now, and I cannot be swayed from my goal by my sympathy for androids who are less advanced than myself."
Nothing.
"All right then." Iko held out her hands. "I need your clothes. ~ Marissa Meyer

Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he'd bestowed on him yet. You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that's impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo. ~ Jeaniene Frost

He stared fixedly at the opposite bank where an angler was fishing, his line perfectly still. All of a sudden the man jerked out of the water a little sliver fish which wriggled at the end of his line. Twisting and turning it this way and that he tried to extract his hook, but in vain. Losing patience he started pulling and, as he did so, tore out the entire bloody gullet of the fish with parts of its intestines attached. Paul shuddered, feeling himself equally torn apart. It seemed to him that the hook was like his own love and that if he were to tear it out he too would be gutted by a piece of curved wire hooked deep into his essential self at the end of a line held by Madeleine. ~ Guy De Maupassant

Hither, and thither, on high, gilded the snow-white wings of small, unspeckled birds; these were the gentle thoughts of the feminine air; but to and fro in the deeps, far down in the bottomless blue, rushed mighty leviathans, sword-fish, and sharks; and these were the strong, troubled, murderous thinkings of the masculine sea. ~ Herman Melville

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button. ~ Rick Reilly

Sometimes you miss someone... think of them nostalgically... but then you see them again, and you're like, nah. ~ Steve Maraboli

We bask in the scent of cinnamon before
Mom puts a scone her plate.
'His name is Rich,' she says.
I select a scone too.
'I like a man with an adjective for a name. ~ Kelly Bingham

There's none as deaf as those who won't listen. I get letters. If they are moronic, they go in the wastepaper basket, but if they are reasonable points, I try to explain. I am planning for the long-term future. I am planning for the long-term future. People say build a team not a hotel, but that argument is irrelevant. It's like fish or meat ~ Ken Bates

Greg Gutfeld is funnier than all the smart people I know, and smarter than all the funny people I know. I don't know what that makes him. But one of the smartest, funniest people I know, is fair to say. ~ Matt Labash

I'm going to gut you like a fish. ~ Mike Tyson

I missed a tuna-fish sandwich with mayo on toasted wheat bread more than anything. Six months after I went vegan, I snuck into a deli and took one home. And, of course, it wasn't nearly as good as I fantasized. It tasted, well, fishy. ~ Kathy Freston

Jon Stewart hires people that he thinks are funny. That's it. That's the only requirement. ~ Olivia Munn

Victoria's got her secrets. Hey, so do I! ~ Si Robertson

Your welcome means more to me, Ivy Alisha Tamwood, than a thousand souls. Watching Rachel work is a wonder of one catastrophe after another. ~ Kim Harrison

Benedict may not be as hurt as he really is. ~ Jerry Coleman

Can you sharpen this for me, please?"

Logan leaned across the table and took the pencil from him. "You want me to play with your pencil, Tate?"

"Hilarious. The sharpener is right by you. You just have to pick it up and slide it in."

As soon as the words left his mouth and Logan's quirked into an arrogant line, Tate bit his tongue.

"Really? Did you really just say that to me?"

Feeling more comfortable than ever with Logan and this group, Tate shrugged and nodded. Time to give it to Logan as good as he gives.

"Yeah. Is there a problem? You just line it up...and slide it in."

"You know, Tate - "

"Don't do it." Tate cut him off as he moved his foot, the one he'd had sitting between Logan's feet all night, so his shin bumped Logan's calf.

"Do what?"

"Say something dirty. I know you're dying to, but just sharpen the pencil."

Logan picked up the sharpener and made a big show of inserting the tip in the hole.

"Jesus," Shelly muttered from beside Logan. "I thought Rachel and Cole were bad. ~ Ella Frank

OK, so ... hugging. How does that go? You sort of ... stretch your arms out ... " He does so too robotically, too broadly. It looks kind of like he's trying to find a boulder to slot into the space he's made between his chest and his hands. He looks like Donkey Kong, I think, and then I giggle. "What? I'm getting this soooo right. I just have to clamp these things around you, now ... ~ Charlotte Stein

I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner." ~ Mitch Hedberg

Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease in unwanted pregnancies without having to provide birth control to anyone. ~ Heather Chapple

Why are the super-rich for socialism? Don't they have the most to lose? I take a look at my bank account and compare it with Nelson Rockefeller's and it seems funny that I'm against socialism and he's out promoting it. Or is it funny? In reality, there is a vast difference between what the promoters define as socialism and what it is in actual practice. The idea that socialism is a share-the-wealth program is strictly a confidence game to get the people to surrender their freedom to an all-powerful collectivist government. While the Insiders tell us we are building a paradise on earth, we are actually constructing a jail for ourselves. ~ Gary Allen

Stay in your boats," Dahra said. "We're still going to need food. Throw your fish onto the dock. I'll get Albert to send someone here to collect it. Then go back out, row up the coast a little ways, and camp out."
"Camp out?" Quinn echoed.
"Yes!"
"You're serious."
"No, it's my idea of a joke, Quinn," Dahra snapped. "Pookie just coughed up a lung and fell over dead. You understand what I'm saying? I mean he coughed his actual lungs out of his mouth. ~ Michael Grant

There's something I gotta tell you," he said in a confidential tone as he leaned toward her. His face was close to hers, too close. He was making her uncomfortable again, as he no doubt intended.
That notion stiffened her spine.
"What?" she all but snapped.
"I had a major case of the hots for you when I was in high school. I still do. ~ Karen Robards

'Jurassic Park' movies don't fit into a specific genre. They're sci-fi adventures that also have to be funny, emotional, and scary as hell. That takes a lot of construction, but it can't feel designed. ~ Colin Trevorrow

It is necessary to any originality to have the courage to be an amateur. ~ Wallace Stevens

By God, I may be old-fashioned in my ideas, but women run around too much these days to suit me. They meet all kinds of crazy fish. ~ F Scott Fitzgerald