Funny Drooling Quotes

Sex, Emma thought. It curdled the mind and turned one into a drooling idiot. She had firsthand knowledge. ~ Kate Rothwell

You're Shane, right?'
He inched away from her and managed a quick nod as he twisted the rag he held in his fingers.
'Heidi sad you were willing to teach me how to ride.' Her expression shifted from entertained to confused, as if she was wondering why no one had mentioned he was a can or two shy of a six-pack.
'A horse,' he clarified, then wanted to kick himself. What else but a horse? Did he think she was here to learn to ride his mother's elephant?
One corner of Annabelle's perfect, full mouth twitched. 'A horse would be good. You seem to have several.'
He wanted to remind himself that he was usually fine around women. Smooth even. He was intelligent, funny and could, on occasion, be charming. Just not now, with his blood pumping and his brain doing nothing more than shouting "it's her, it's her" over and over again.
Chemistry, he thought grimly. It could turn the smartest man into a drooling idiot. Here he was, proving the theory true. ~ Susan Mallery

Did you want to change into something more comfortable?" Adrian asks with a raise in his eyebrows, breaking me out of my train of thought, but not away from naughty thoughts.

I smack his knee. "I'm comfortable, but I know you're not." He doesn't mind dressing up, but on most days I see him in casual clothes like screen-printed tees and hoodies.

"You're right," he says, tapping my knee lightly, standing up. As he walks toward the hallway, he slips his shirt off the rest of the way. I can't look away from the sight, even if it is only from the back. Damn. What is happening to me? Have I gone mad?

Before I can tear my eyes away from him, he turns around. Judging by the look in his eyes, I've been caught. I have so been caught. Damn again. I didn't want him to see me practically drooling. It's too late for that now.

He smirks. "You know, I could spend the rest of the night just like this." He places a hand to the hard muscles of his chest.

I clear my throat, trying really hard not to imagine my hand in place of his, and say, "If I'm wearing clothes, you're wearing clothes."

"So if I'm not wearing clothes..." I grab a coaster from the coffee table and fling it at him. He catches it in his hand. "Just remember, all you have to do is say otherwise. ~ Lilly Avalon

He was gorgeous, and I absolutely, no question, had to be drooling. After a quick and hopefully stealthy check – big show, I wasn't!- I found myself wonder what color his eyes were. Brown maybe. Or even hazel. Either way…wow, just wow. Deer? Headlights? Hi, I'm Ali. ~ Gena Showalter

People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it. ~ Kinky Friedman

She didn't like the fact that she had reduced a man – no matter how evil he might be - to a drooling idiot. ~ John Flanagan

Her nudity is her armor. It blinded the drooling fools. They couldn't see anything else while they saw her body. ~ Brent Weeks

Don't chase women, they will chase you. They are like horses in a pasture: if you don't go drooling over her, she is going to want to know why. ~ Piers Morgan

How could I possibly keep my cool while getting sweaty with him? What if I screamed out something horrifying, like "I love you?" What if I had an epileptic attack and started drooling or spitting right in the middle of things? ~ Jeaniene Frost

Interestingly, female kangaroos have three vaginas, but male kangaroos only have a two-pronged penis. It's like they've started a Darwinian game of one-upmanship and the girls are winning. (Fascinating factoid: Kangaroos also drool on themselves to keep cool [because nothing looks cooler than a drooling kangaroo] but that's helpful to know because when you see them drooling at the mouth it doesn't necessarily mean that they have rabies. It just means they're hot [hot referring to their temperature, not sexiness]. If you find drooling kangaroos sexy you probably need help.) I ~ Jenny Lawson

Every now and again, a painting will get away from my control and take over. Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes it's a giant drooling hairy thing with pointy teeth. You know how it is. ~ Ursula Vernon

[On her mastectomy:] Pity is delicious. I was crazy about the pity I got. It was the best kind, too. I did not get, nor did I want, the drooling, mewing kind. I preferred something more restrained but deep-felt. Quality pity. ~ Betty Rollin

I wanted to drown inside a woman in the feeling and drooling of the love I could give her. I wanted her pulse to crush me with its intensity. That's what I wanted. That's what I wanted myself to be. ~ Markus Zusak

Imagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra. It will be catastrophic. The male half of the population will be nothing but mindless drooling Zombies of Lust. Granted, this is also true now, but it will be even worse. ~ Dave Barry

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick. ~ F. Sionil Jose

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. ~ Bob Newhart

As I'm smiling but fearing for the worse, he asks if I was in the Navy.
"NO. THIS IS JUST MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME."
"WELL, I WAS... FOR NEARLY TWENTY YEARS."
I don't know whether he wants me to apologize for impersonating a sailor, thank him for his service, or stop drooling as I melt into his eyes ~ Giorge Leedy

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright

Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Dada first. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

I discovered Emerson's soporific qualities by falling asleep with my face in the book, drooling all over an essay called 'Self-Reliance' ... ~ Ransom Riggs

I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother. ~ Charlie Day

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. ~ Carroll Bryant

It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny. ~ Jill Soloway

Claire. Wake up. She blinked and realized that her head was on Shane's shoulder, and Michael was nowhere to be seen. Her first thought was, Oh my God, am I drooling? Her second was that she hadn't realized she was so close to him, snuggled in. Her third was that although Michael's part of the couch was empty, Shane hadn't moved away. And he was watching her with warm, friendly eyes. Oh. Oh, wow, that was nice. ~ Rachel Caine

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. ~ Al Franken

I find Anders very funny and funny lasts forever." Samantha ~ Angela Nicoara

Life before toilet paper was not worth living. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way. ~ Shashankbisht

...how crazy things have to get before I ended up drooling all over a strait jacket with my name on it at Happyville Manor. ~ Gayla Drummond

I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. ~ Regina Griffin

Calm, cool, sexually confident Lo has officially left the building, and drooling, incoherent and sexually deprived Lola has taken her place. ~ Devon Herrera

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous. ~ Nobita Nobi

She was not going to ruin a good dress for a pot of drooling, wall-staring, imbecile grass. And that was that. ~ Brandon Sanderson

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~ Helen Hayes

I'm always drooling over great design, from fashion to furniture. ~ Janina Gavankar

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny. ~ Chris Messina

Ish #21 Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat! ~ Regina Griffin

Was this what all humans were like? They seemed like drooling idiots to me. I was shocked they could walk and breathe at the same time. ~ Lisa Shuler

They are quite hopeless - drooling, driveling, doleful, depressing, dropsical drips. ~ Thomas Beecham

In the other end of the ring stood Randy's self control, drooling on itself and bleeding from places that self control was never supposed to bleed. ~ Matthew Davenport

I never know when I am being funny, and the other way too. I don't think you can think about that. I don't think you can try to be funny. Some people are just funny. ~ Christopher Walken

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

People think being in your seventies means sitting around in a chair with a blanket over your legs, drooling. ~ Don Rickles

Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything. ~ Steve Martin

I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny. ~ Maya Rudolph

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself. ~ Chris Rock

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. ~ Tracey Ullman

When you don't have a laugh track, you can make the clothes funny. We can make a sign funny. We can make the way somebody walks funny. The makeup can be funny. ~ Mitchell Hurwitz

I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to loosen things up. ~ Matt LeBlanc

I don't stand behind the camera drooling. Knowing that, the models are more likely to open up and relax. ~ Ellen Von Unwerth

Making modern games funny would be easy as pie if it was anybody's goal to actually make a funny game. ~ Doug TenNapel

I grew up with an extremely funny dad, and my mom is super funny. ~ Paula Pell

But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny - funny is transcendent - it will traverse all demographic barriers if people embrace it as a funny movie. ~ Thomas Haden Church

You know ... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time ... husband!!! ~ Bill Maher

The press is like any business. It's a group of really intelligent individuals that ends up being one slathering, one-eyed, drooling monster. ~ Ben Folds

The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. ~ Tommy Chong

There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. ~ Robert J. White

Niagara Falls is the hanging tongue on the face of the earth, drooling endlessly over its own beauty. ~ Vinita Kinra

More to the point, I am fifty-eight. I need grandchildren before my decline. It's not right for two generations of the family to be drooling at the same time. ~ Tessa Dare

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. ~ Mark Russell

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny. ~ Alan King

Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood. ~ Paul O'Grady

I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them. ~ Trevor Noah

I come from a long line of miserable people. ~ Arlene Schindler

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny. ~ Ken Dodd

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. ~ Helen Rowland

Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn't like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton. ~ Jay Leno

I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented. ~ Julie Brown

You think you're funny." "Oh, I know I'm funny. Unappreciated, but funny. ~ Jim Butcher

When something is truly funny, it's funny all the time. ~ Cloris Leachman

I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny. ~ Ryan Stiles

Some actors try to play parts and do things they can't do. Being funny is one of them. Being funny's hard. ~ Tom Sizemore

I'm always more motivated by the pain of a funny character than by what makes him funny. ~ Jason Alexander

You're funny.
Funny peculiar or funny ha-ha?
A bit of both, I think. ~ E.L. James

My parents were funny. My brothers were funny. We just laughed and had a good time. Growing up, it breeds that. It breeds your funny. It breeds your creativity. ~ Kym Whitley

There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh. ~ Jeff Garlin

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

I'm not a comedian. I don't make things funny if they're not funny. I don't invent funny stuff. ~ Morgan Freeman

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose. ~ James Patterson

Although there are many trial marriages ... there is no such thing as a trial child. ~ Gail Sheehy

I am funny. No one else thinks I am funny. But I am funny. ~ Lorraine Bracco

I couldn't decide if the fact that Nathaniel had watched me when I was sleeping was creepy or sort of exciting. God, I hoped I hadn't been lying there with my mouth open and drooling. ~ Eileen Cook

Whenever you start to feel sorry for yourself, always remember that there are a lot of people out there who are amazingly talented and make you look like a drooling Neanderthal. ~ Robert Leland Taylor

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. ~ Billy Wilder

I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. ~ Wanda Sykes

The decision as to what's funny and what is not funny shall rest solely with Mr. Freberg. ~ Stan Freberg

Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works. ~ Sherman Alexie

Chemistry's a funny thing. It can be instantaneous, but it helps when you know someone. ~ David Walton

It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny. ~ David Cross

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. ~ Frank Carson

The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny. ~ Greg Giraldo

Hey. Hands off.",
"Please. Please, please, soooo pretty. Lemme just have one little touch."
"Peabody, isn't it embarrassing enough you're wearing pink cowboy boots, again, without standing here drooling on my coat? ~ J.D. Robb

You know what they say about big hitters ... the woods are full of them. ~ Jimmy Demaret

This many pretty girls in the room, all watching you boys like you're a wedding-reception one-night stand waiting to happen - ~ Cristin Harber

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. ~ W.C. Fields

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. ~ Steven Wright

It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny how forever never seems to last, it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past, it's funny how friends can just leave when you're down, it's funny how when you need someone they never are around, it's funny how people change and think they're so much better, it's funny how some many lies are packed into one love letter, it's funny how one night can hold so much regret, it's funny how you can forgive but not forget, it's funny how ironic life turns out to be, but the funniest part of all, is that none of that is funny to me. ~ Auliq Ice

I don't have to be bam, bam, bam, funny when I'm working. I can tell stories, and there's some funny in them. ~ Whoopi Goldberg

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin