Female Comedian Quotes

If you're creating anything at all, it's really dangerous to care about what people think. ~ Kristen Wiig

I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it's pretty equal. I don't know why that is. It's been the same thing for a while. It's hard for female comedians to stand out. That's weird. That's a shame. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

I do think that character types trend. As a female comedian, the parts that come my way are often terrible women. ~ Jenny Slate

I see myself as a comedian rather than a female comedian. I happen to be a woman, but I am a comedian by trade. ~ Miranda Hart

Don't look at me for this. As stated I lack the necessary female equipment for wet nursery. And I once killed a cactus and Bubba's goldfish watching over them. No offense, I don't want to kill Malphas or find a toilet big enough to flush him. Come to think of it, I don't recall him eating anything around me. Ever. Last time he went down, he told me he wanted blood to heal, and I only do that for the Red Cross. Nick ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

In inquiring concerning the benefits of the plan proposed, I shall proceed upon the supposition that female seminaries will be patronized throughout our country. ~ Emma Willard

I've never been able to tell jokes. In the beginning of my career I did impressions and jokes like any other comedian, but I was never very successful because I did it poorly. So I started to talk to the audience and started talking about the atmosphere around me and started to become angry, not in a mean-spirited way, but in a fun way - and my attitude developed from there. ~ Don Rickles

They're the darkest people I know, comedians. ~ Jake Gyllenhaal

Unlike her closest primate cousins, the standard human female doesn't come equipped with private parts that swell up to double their normal size and turn bright red when she is about to ovulate. In ~ Christopher Ryan

College graduates and women with higher earnings are now more likely to marry than women with less education and lower wages, although they generally marry at an older age. The legal profession is one big exception to this generalization. Female attorneys are less likely to ever marry, to have children, or to remarry after divorce than women in other professions. But an even higher proportion of male attorneys are childless, suggesting there might be something about this career that is unfriendly to everyone's family life, not just women's. ~ Stephanie Coontz

Sex is not a mechanical act that fails for lack of technique, and it is not a performance by the male for the audience of the female; it is a continuum of attraction that extends from the simplest conversation and the most innocent touching through the act of coitus. ~ Garrison Keillor

I'm not just a model who plays volleyball, or a volleyball player who supports herself modeling. I'm a female athlete personality. ~ Gabrielle Reece

But the female mind has demonstrated a capacity for all the mental acquirements and achievements of men, and as generations ensue that capacity will be expanded; the average woman will be as well educated as the average man, and then better educated, for the dormant faculties of her brain will be stimulated to an activity that will be all the more intense and powerful because of centuries of repose. Woman will ignore precedent and startle civilization with their progress. ~ Nikola Tesla

Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female. ~ Woody Allen

It is bad enough to be white and poor; it is worse still to be black, or brown, and female, and young, and poor. Simply said, race makes class hurt more. ~ Michael Eric Dyson

You have a surprisingly logical mind, for a human. And a female. And a witch. ~ Christine Warren

I think it's actually a misperception that I am a comedic actress. I do more drama than comedy but very little of it has been seen. When you are in big funny movies and they do well and your little part in it kind of explodes people perceive you as a comedian. ~ Octavia Spencer

The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place. ~ Robert Briffault

The fictitious worlds created for kids are nearly bereft of female presence. It's sending a very clear message from the beginning that women and girls do not have half of the adventures, that they're not as important. We're teaching kids that girls and women don't take up half the space in the world. ~ Geena Davis

For the female of the species is more deadly than the male. ~ Rudyard Kipling

If any of us had heard the word "feminist" we would have thought it meant a girl who wore too much makeup, but we were, without knowing it, feminists ourselves, bound together by the freemasonry that exists among intelligent women who know they are intelligent. It is the only kind of female bonding that works, which is why most men do not like intelligent women. They don't mind one female brain if they can enjoy it privately; it's the idea of two or more on the loose that upsets them. The girls in the college-bound group might not have been friends in every case
Sharon Cohen and I gave each other willies
but our instincts told us that we had the same enemies. ~ Florence King

Often, as a young actress, you find yourself being the only girl in a room full of men ... and one of the reasons why I like 'Grey's Anatomy' is because they have such strong female characters and the women really drive this show. ~ Rachael Taylor

White feminists so focused on the disparity between white male/white female economic status as an indication of the negative impact of sexism that they drew no attention to the fact that poor and lower-class men are as able to oppress and brutalize women as any other group of men in American society. ~ Bell Hooks

Approaching the trail, he broke through the thicket a short distance ahead of the Empath. Causing the Empaths horse to startle as the surprised rider jerked on the reins. Cap was equally surprised to find a young girl before him instead of an older, experienced male Empath. Cap brought his horse to a quick halt. The young girl pulled a small knife from her boot and cautioned him. "I don't know where you came from, but I'm not easy prey." Her voice shook slightly with fear as she raised the knife.
Not sure how to proceed, they stared silently at each other. Cap had always believed that Empaths didn't carry weapons. This pretty, chestnut haired girl couldn't be more than 18 years old. Her long straight tresses covered the spot on her jacket where the Empathic Emblem was usually worn, causing Cap to doubt she was the one he sought. Not wanting to frighten her any more than he already had, Cap tried to explain. "I'm Commander Caplin Taylor. I'm looking for an Empath that is headed for the Western Hunting Lodge."
"My name is Kendra; I am the Empath you seek." She answered cautiously, still holding the blade. A noise from the brush drew her attention as a small rodent pounced out, trying to evade an unseen predator. Cap was just close enough to lurch forward and snatch the dirk from her hand. Her head jerked back in alarm.
"Bosen May has been mauled by a Sraeb, his shoulder is a mass of pulp." Cap spoke quickly not wanting to hesitate any longer.
That was all Ke ~ Alaina Stanford

Because women and girls are not valued equally as human beings, they are treated as less than such. Female genital mutilation is one example of this that has to be stopped. ~ Waris Dirie

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Female authors were still using male names when I was young, or they were neatly shoehorned into 'women's books' except for those few that men could always point at when the disparity was pointed out. ~ Sherwood Smith

In the forming of female friendships beauty seldom recommends one woman to another. ~ Henry Fielding

A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave ... The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities - a natural defectiveness. ~ Aristotle.

When I look at my life and the lives of my female friends these days - with our dizzying number of opportunities and talents - I sometimes feel as though we are all mice in a giant experimental maze, scurrying around frantically, trying to find our way through. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

If i wouldn't have done comedy, I would have been a teacher. I was really good when I took an exploratory teaching class in high school, at getting kids' attention, and delivering lesson plans. Though my principal even told me that this was what I was meant to do. And that being a big-mouth comedian was a waste of time. ~ Gabriel Iglesias

Gradually, it began to dawn on me that the image of God as Father, Son and Spirit was at the root of the problem. No matter what I did, I would never be ¨in his image.¨ While I had hoped to find in God a father who would love and accept my female self, it seemed that ¨he,¨ like my father and most of my professors, liked boys better. I decided that unless we could call God Mother as well as Father, Daughter as well as Son, women and girls would never be valued. ~ Carol P. Christ

The price of getting men to fight is giving them respect. Men will fight to protect women they love, men will fight to protect children they have fathered, for obvious reasons, both moral and biological, but where a man is not respected, where men are 'cucked' . . . if men utilized and turned into a form of captive livestock, if men are enslaved to female vanity, protectiveness, emotional self-defense, what happens is men don't love their societies anymore because society is not giving them respect. The men are in the same relationship to society as an abused woman is to an abusive man. There may be attachment, an unwillingness or lack of capacity to escape, but there's no love. ~ Stefan Molyneux

I deny that this happened. First, it is impossible for one animal to make love to another if the female does not have a vagina that matches the male's genitals. It is not possible for a dog and a monkey or a wolf and a hyena to mate with each other. Even an antelope cannot mate with a deer, for they are of different species. Even if they did mate with each other, it is not possible for them to produce young. I do not think a bull had intercourse with a wooden cow in the first place, for all four-legged animals smell the genitals of the animal before mating with it and only then mount it. And the woman could not have endured a bull mounting her. A woman could also not carry a fetus with horns. ~ Stephen M. Trzaskoma

Through her paintings, she breaks all the taboos of the woman's body and of female sexuality. ~ Diego Rivera

The preoccupation with the choice of a mate both by male and female I regard as a continuing echo of the major selective force by which we have evolved. ~ Jacob Bronowski

The male muse is an unaccountably rare thing in art. Where does that leave female artists looking for inspiration? ~ Kate Christensen

You're afraid of smart women, aren't you?'
She had used this ploy before, having heard via the female bush telegraph that it was unanswerable. She was right though. I was leery of them. Art and Mike said taking an intellectual woman into your home was like taking in a baby raccoon. They were both amusing for a while but soon became randomly vicious and learned how to open the refrigerator. ~ Charles Portis

Oh! What honour for the female sex! It is perfectly obvious that God has special regard for it when all these wretched people who destroyed the whole Kingdom – now recovered and made safe by a woman, something that 5000 men could not have done – and the traitors [have been] exterminated. Before the event they would scarcely have believed this possible. ~ Christine De Pizan

Female performers have been doing this for years - pushing the envelope about sexuality - and the minute a man does it, everybody freaks out. ~ Adam Lambert