Farting Quotes

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Quotes About Farting

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Classically, cosmetics companies will take highly theoretical, textbookish information about the way that cells work - the components at a molecular level or the behavior of cells in a glass dish - and then pretend it's the same as the ultimate issue of whether something makes you look nice. "This molecular component," they say, with a flourish, "is crucial for collagen formation." And that will be perfectly true (along with many other amino acids which are used by your body to assemble protein in joints, skin, and everywhere else), but there is no reason to believe that anyone is deficient in it or that smearing it on your face will make any difference to your appearance. In general, you don't absorb things very well through your skin, because its purpose is to be relatively impermeable. When you sit in a bath of baked beans for charity, you do not get fat, nor do you start farting. ~ Ben Goldacre
Farting quotes by Ben Goldacre
There's no way to get from the point in Hemn space where we are now, to one that includes pink nerve-gas-farting dragons, following any plausible action principle. Which is really just a technical term for there being a coherent story joining one moment to the next. If you simply throw action principles out the window, you're granting the world the freedom to wander anywhere in Hemn space, to any outcome, without constraint. It becomes pretty meaningless. The mind - even the sline mind - knows that there is an action principle that governs how the world evolves from one moment to the next - that restricts our world's path to points that tell an internally consistent story. So it focuses its worrying on outcomes that are more plausible, such as you leaving. ~ Neal Stephenson
Farting quotes by Neal Stephenson
I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said.
I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that. ~ Janet Evanovich
Farting quotes by Janet Evanovich
My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. ~ Judy Gold
Farting quotes by Judy Gold
Anyway, it was Oscar who called me to remind me that our nephew, Lydia's son Garnett, was turning eleven years old. Fuck my life. I hated that kid. He smelled like asparagus, and he sweated way too much for a healthy child; but then Garnett, given his propensity for biting teachers and catching chipmunks in the backyard only to bury them alive, was no normal kid. He was a case study for sociopathic behavior in the making. A walking, talking, farting, sweaty, odorous, chipmunk-burying cry for help. ~ Richard J. O'Brien
Farting quotes by Richard J. O'Brien
MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat. ~ David Spade
Farting quotes by David Spade
Human beings in there took turns standing or lying down. The legs of those who stood were like fence posts driven into a warm, squirming, farting, sighing earth. The queer earth was a mosaic of sleepers who nestled like spoons. ~ Kurt Vonnegut
Farting quotes by Kurt Vonnegut
Christmas," said Robin, with a faint grin but without apology. "I was going to put it up yesterday, but after Leonora was charged I didn't feel very festive. Anyway, I've got you an appointment to see her at six. You'll need to take photo ID - " "Good work, thanks." " - and I got you sandwiches and I thought you might like to see this," she said. "Michael Fancourt's given an interview about Quine." She passed him a pack of cheese and pickle sandwiches and a copy of The Times, folded to the correct page. Strike lowered himself onto the farting leather sofa and ate while reading the article, which was adorned with a split photograph. On the left-hand side was a picture of Fancourt standing in front of an Elizabethan country house. Photographed from below, his head ~ Robert Galbraith
Farting quotes by Robert Galbraith
You dog!" she said, so loud that half the crowded tavern turned to watch. "A few days past the walls of the inner keep and you think your pizzle has turned to solid silver? At least when Nevin Hewney falls asleep on top of a girl, drooling and farting and limp as custard, he doesn't pretend he's done her a favor. ~ Tad Williams
Farting quotes by Tad Williams
I would like to believe in the myth that we grow wiser with age. In a sense my disbelief is wisdom. Those of a middle generation, if charitable or sentimental, subscribe to the wisdom myth, while the callous see us as dispensable objects, like broken furniture or dead flowers. For the young we scarcely exist unless we are unavoidable members of the same family, farting, slobbering, perpetually mislaying teeth and bifocals. ~ Patrick White
Farting quotes by Patrick White
Come on, Trouble. Let's go before you start farting bunnies and rainbows or some shit. Luke started laughing hard, and clamped his hand over his stomach, squeezing his brown eyes almost shut. ~ C.L.Stone
Farting quotes by C.L.Stone
It was harder to ignore the smell, meat just starting to turn. And gas. The dead were quiet, very quiet in a bad way, but the sounds of escaping gas were all over. [He] was surrounded by belching and farting corpses who wanted to eat him. It would be funny if it wasn't so fucking horrible. ~ Mason James Cole
Farting quotes by Mason James Cole
I squeak when he lifts me up and over his shoulder. Smacking my ass so hard it tingles, he says, "I told you, girl. I am lucky."
He throws me down onto the bed and I giggle.
Freeze. Hold the hell up.
I gasp and Ash chuckles. I whisper, "Did I- I think that was- I can't believe I just-"
"I think you just giggled," he smirks, thoroughly amused.
Shaking my head, I lie, "No, it wasn't. I don't giggle. It was gas."
Ash throws his head back and laughs hard. I can't help but laugh with him. He runs a hand through his hair. "Only you would think that giggling is worse than farting." Shaking his head, he mutters, "Too damn cute. ~ Belle Aurora
Farting quotes by Belle Aurora
Another contraction came, and she dug her fingers into Knox's arm.
"Okay, Harper, time to push again," Sharon declared.
Harper pushed. There was a loud farting sound. Her mouth dropped open in mortification, but then Rodgers gave her a sheepish look and said, "Sorry about that. I had chicken korma before I came. ~ Suzanne Wright
Farting quotes by Suzanne Wright
He tolerated his fellow Englishmen, but the Welsh were cabbage-farting dwarves, the Scots were scabby arse-suckers, and the French were shriveled turds. ~ Bernard Cornwell
Farting quotes by Bernard Cornwell
I used to be a folk singer, but I was ... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog. And being a folk singer doesn't make you attractive to women. ~ Billy Connolly
Farting quotes by Billy Connolly
I take my rucksack and go out the opening where the front door used to be. Manchee gets up from where he's curled and follows me. When I sit down, he recurls by my legs and fall asleep, farting happily and giving a doggy sigh. Simple to be a dog. ~ Patrick Ness
Farting quotes by Patrick Ness
Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. ~ Graham Norton
Farting quotes by Graham Norton
I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room. ~ Tina Fey
Farting quotes by Tina Fey
People change for each other all the time. Take any love story, any great love story at all, and you'll see that people have to be willing to change if they're going to make things work out. Like Shrek, when Fiona tells Shrek that she's sick of his burping and farting and everything. And Shrek's like, 'I'm an ogre. Deal with it.' And Fiona says, 'What if I can't?' So Shrek takes that potion that turns him into a hunky prince. He does it out of love for Fiona. ~ Lauren Myracle
Farting quotes by Lauren Myracle
And don't put a bunch of bullshit in my mouth, or get cute and try to make me look stupid. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the salon to have my pubic hair straightened and dyed white so that my dick looks like Santa Claus." He closed the door, farting loudly all the way to his car. I went ~ David Wong
Farting quotes by David Wong
John's old Caddie had a huge engine that would qualify as a human rights violation if built today. It roared down the road, chugging gas and farting a blue cloud of dinosaur souls. ~ David Wong
Farting quotes by David Wong
(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.) ~ Tina Fey
Farting quotes by Tina Fey
You're lucky you're good in
bed."
"Oh." He grabbed at my foot. "I think you keep me around for other reasons."
I slanted him a look out of the corner of my eye. "Right now, for the life of me I can't think what those reasons are."
Braden tugged harder on my foot, raising his fingers towards it. "Take it back or the foot getsit."
Oh hell no! I yanked at my appendage.
"Braden, no."
Deaf to my warning, he started to tickle me,his grip tightening as I laughed breathlessly and
kicked out, trying to get free.
He wouldn't stop. Ruthless!
"Braden," I panted hysterically, attempting to shove at him with my arms but struggling as he continued his war on my feet. I laughed harder,
ribs aching, and then… horror.
I broke wind.
Big time.
Braden immediately let go of my feet, his loud, rumbling laugh filling the room, laughter that only deepened when I lost balance, from kicking out
at him and then being abruptly let go, and fell off the couch with an undignified thud.
Mortified as he collapsed against the couch
belly laughing at my fart then fall, I grabbed a cushion and launched it at him from my position on the floor.
Of course this only made the idiot laugh
harder. I warred between feeling humiliation at farting in front of him, something you just didn't do in
company, and laughing, since his was so
infectious. "Braden!" I whined. "Shut up. It's not funny," I huffed, my lips caught i ~ Samantha Young
Farting quotes by Samantha Young
Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged in only private
though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh. ~ Mark Twain
Farting quotes by Mark Twain
I don't think of those things [from farting, to male on male affection, to crossdressing] as being taboo, I suppose, so it didn't strike me as, "Oh, I'm breaking boundaries and stuff ... " ~ Daniel Radcliffe
Farting quotes by Daniel Radcliffe
Acting has been described as farting about in disguise. ~ Peter O'Toole
Farting quotes by Peter O'Toole
Every night was a somber, adults-only slumber party - no giggles or whispers, just lots of coughing and farting and snoring and groaning, the sounds and smells of too many stressed-out of people packed into too small a place. ~ Tom Perrotta
Farting quotes by Tom Perrotta
Today many of these selfish politicians are preying on the nation itself – (belching corruption and farting discontent!) ~ Faraaz Kazi
Farting quotes by Faraaz Kazi
Let's shake hands and be friends, but please, I beg you, stop farting like that, becuase I'm beinning to hallucinate and in my dreams I see Comrade Josepg Stalin doing the charleston. ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Farting quotes by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
I find it gross to talk about bodily functions like shitting or farting or your period, if you're a girl, unless it's extremely necessary. ~ Riley Keough
Farting quotes by Riley Keough
While the churches, bringing the sweet smell of piety for the soul, came in prancing and farting like brewery horses in bock-beer time, the sister evangelism, with release and joy for the body, crept in.
silently and greyly, with its head bowed and its face covered. ~ John Steinbeck
Farting quotes by John Steinbeck
It's a really hard movie [Insane Farting Corpse] to do a Q&A for, as well. The audience is still kind of reeling and being like, "I don't know what to ask." ~ Daniel Radcliffe
Farting quotes by Daniel Radcliffe
There are all kinds of pedants around with more time to read and imitate Lynne Truss and John Humphrys than to write poems, love-letters, novels and stories it seems. They whip out their Sharpies and take away and add apostrophes from public signs, shake their heads at prepositions which end sentences and mutter at split infinitives and misspellings, but do they bubble and froth and slobber and cream with joy at language? Do they ever let the tripping of the tips of their tongues against the tops of their teeth transport them to giddy euphoric bliss? Do they ever yoke impossible words together for the sound-sex of it? Do they use language to seduce, charm, excite, please, affirm and tickle those they talk to? Do they? I doubt it. They're too farting busy sneering at a greengrocer's less than perfect use of the apostrophe. Well sod them to Hades. They think they're guardians of language. They're no more guardians of language than the Kennel Club is the guardian of dogkind. ~ Stephen Fry
Farting quotes by Stephen Fry
I'm having my lunch when I hear a familiar hoarse shout, 'Oy Tony!' I whip round, damaging my neck further, to see Michael Gambon in the lunch queue. …

Gambon tells me the story of Olivier auditioning him at the Old Vic in 1962. His audition speech was from Richard III. 'See, Tone, I was thick as two short planks then and I didn't know he'd had a rather notable success in the part. I was just shitting myself about meeting the Great Man. He sussed how green I was and started farting around.'

As reported by Gambon, their conversation went like this:

Olivier: 'What are you going to do for me?'

Gambon: 'Richard the Third.'

Olivier: 'Is that so. Which part?'

Gambon: 'Richard the Third.'

Olivier: 'Yes, but which part?'

Gambon: 'Richard the Third.'

Olivier: 'Yes, I understand that, but which part?'

Gambon: 'Richard the Third.'

Olivier: 'But which character? Catesby? Ratcliffe? Buckingham's a good part …'

Gambon: 'Oh I see, beg your pardon, no, Richard the Third.'

Olivier: 'What, the King? Richard?'

Gambon: ' - the Third, yeah.'

Olivier: "You've got a fucking cheek, haven't you?'

Gambon: 'Beg your pardon?'

Olivier: 'Never mind, which part are you going to do?'

Gambon: 'Richard the Third.'

Olivier: 'Don't start that again. Which speech?'

Gambon: 'Oh I see, beg your p ~ Antony Sher
Farting quotes by Antony Sher
We were supposed to be brainstorming. But, unfortunately, my brain was farting. ~ Rachel Renee Russell
Farting quotes by Rachel Renee Russell
A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans? ~ Roald Dahl
Farting quotes by Roald Dahl
Manchee gets up from where he's curled and follows me. When I sit down, he recurls by my legs and falls asleep, farting happily and giving a doggy sigh. Simple to be a dog. I ~ Patrick Ness
Farting quotes by Patrick Ness
- I'm a normal kid, I was raised by television.

The secret to great barbeque: only Oscar knows it. Life should be so simple as enjoying ribs, farting, crapping, pissing, fucking and drinking, and maybe smoking too, but anything other than that is too complicated, life should be simple. It is not.

- Work? You would go to work even if there's a chance your job's imaginary?

Imaginary or not, the questions Max poses remain as relevant for Frank, Sam, and Oscar as they are for us.

A slight hangover won't be best friends with any kind of daylight and while this one wasn't particularly hazardous, they wouldn't be having any of it.

"...the lunatic is on the grass."

Surely if you see a bunch of people having a picnic in a park that would turn your head wouldn't it? How normal a picnic really is? When was the last time you saw one happening? Not in a movie, in real life.

If a man's hat falls to the ground, said man is expected to pick it up. That's the premise.

I'm not some pissy little kid who stopped believing in God because some priests rape kids. I don't believe in God because I can't be sure of its
existence.

I'm not some pissy little kid who stopped believing in God because the church raped kids. I don't believe in God because I can't be sure of its existence.

Nothing is wrong.

You don't take another man's hat, another man's ride, or another man's woman. ~ Santiago Rodriguez
Farting quotes by Santiago Rodriguez
My epiphany has been that none of you deserve me. You can look. You can fantasize. Like I've had to. Try to bring home a woman, and I'll make farting noises while wearing a dolphin costume and acting like I'm humping each of you. See how long you can hold an erection then. ~ Kristy Cunning
Farting quotes by Kristy Cunning
He said it with this really serious look on his face, like he was in the process of farting out some really important wisdom. ~ Lauren Oliver
Farting quotes by Lauren Oliver
The [ military ] lawyers I saw there had about as much in common with the man who had defended me at fifteen as automated machine rifle fire has with farting. They were cold, professionally polished and well on their way up a career ladder which would ensure that despite the uniforms they wore, they would never have to come within a thousand kilometres of a genuine firefight. The only problem they had, as they cruised sharkishly back and forth across the cool marble floor of the court, was in drawing the fine differences between war (mass murder of people wearing a uniform not your own), justifiable loss (mass murder of your own troops, but with substantial gains) and criminal negligence (mass murder of your own troops, without appreciable benefit). I sat in that courtroom for three weeks listening to them dress it like a variety of salads, and with every passing hour the distinctions, which at one point I'd been pretty clear on, grew increasingly vague. I suppose that proves how good they were. ~ Richard K. Morgan
Farting quotes by Richard K. Morgan
Life isn't about gold dust farting unicorns, sugar coated mountains, and fairies. It's about fun. Romance and romance novels are for pussies and dreamers. ~ Scott Hildreth
Farting quotes by Scott Hildreth
If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation. ~ Demetri Martin
Farting quotes by Demetri Martin
See, forgiveness doesn't happen all at once. It's not an event
it's a process. Forgiveness happens while you're asleep, while you're dreaming, while you're inline at the coffee shop, while you're showering, eating, farting, jerking off. It happens in the back of your mind, and then one day you realize that you don't hate the person anymore, that your anger has gone away somewhere. And you understand. You've forgiven them. You don't know how or why. It sneaked up on you. It happened in the small spaces between thoughts and in the seconds between ideas and blinks. That's where forgiveness happens. Because anger and hatred, when left unfed, bleed away like air from a punctured tire, over time and days and years. Forgiveness is stealth. At least, that's what I hope. ~ Barry Lyga
Farting quotes by Barry Lyga
We've been an empire in decline since I can remember," Ketchum said bluntly; he wasn't kidding. "We are a lost nation, Danny. Stop farting around. ~ John Irving
Farting quotes by John Irving
Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but not it's everyone else's problem. ~ Richard Jeni
Farting quotes by Richard Jeni
I tapped on the door, with all the power of a farting flea. ~ Gavin Extence
Farting quotes by Gavin Extence
Fame - fame was the anti-death. But it seemed to slither from his grasp, seemed to giggle and retreat, seemed to hide behind a huge oak tree and make farting sounds with its hands. ~ Keith Gessen
Farting quotes by Keith Gessen
Skinners guts were in turmoil from the beer and curry at the weekend and a viscous, silent eye-stinging killer of a fart slipped out of him, as poignantly weeping as a lover's last farewell, just as the lift stopped at the next floor to let in two men wearing overalls. Everybody suffered in silence. As the workmen got off at the following level, Skinner seized the opportunity, announcing, - That is minging, looking towards the departing workers. He knew that when it came to farting everybody turned into Old Etonian High Court Judges. Men would always be suspected before women and men in working clothes would always be blamed before men in suits. Those were the rules.

From "The Bedroom Secrets Of The Master Chefs ~ Irvine Welsh
Farting quotes by Irvine Welsh
She had her nose so high in the air she could smell the birds farting. ~ Ayana Mathis
Farting quotes by Ayana Mathis
I forgot to mention," Father Christopher said, smiling seraphically at Sir Martin, "that I am also a priest. So let me offer you a blessing." He pulled out a golden crucifix that had been hidden beneath his shirt and held it toward Lord Slayton's men. "May the peace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ," he said, "comfort and sustain you while you take your farting mouths and your turd-reeking presence out of our sight." He waved a sketchy cross toward the horsemen. "And thus farewell. ~ Bernard Cornwell
Farting quotes by Bernard Cornwell
There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The fictitious men in romance novels fall all over themselves trying to please a woman. Does that sound like your real life experience with men? No of course not. (Except for guys who want to fuck you. There is no man more attentive
as the guy who wants to fuck you for the first time.)

That's why you read romance. To get something you don't get in real life. Because your husband's idea of romance is bringing out the trash and not farting during sex. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy
Farting quotes by Oliver Markus Malloy
My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope y ~ James Joyce
Farting quotes by James Joyce
A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death. ~ Michael Bassey Johnson
Farting quotes by Michael Bassey Johnson
We don't get better when the weather is calm and things are all unicorns farting rainbows. We get better when we fall apart and pick the pieces back up. ~ Andrea Owen
Farting quotes by Andrea Owen
Like it says in the Bible, being a friend means never having to witness farting belly buttons. Or something. ~ Jenny Lawson
Farting quotes by Jenny Lawson
We need to bring out the rabble-rousing nature of people. We are gonna need un-repression. We need hundreds of people farting up a storm. We need a big-time, old-fashioned, furious, fart storm. ~ Allan Dare Pearce
Farting quotes by Allan Dare Pearce
There is a tremendous amount of farting in prison. ~ Charlie Engle
Farting quotes by Charlie Engle
He that lives upon hope will die farting. ~ Benjamin Franklin
Farting quotes by Benjamin Franklin
Just 'cause she's farting through silk doesn't mean she can shit on people who don't have any money. ~ Katherine Pancol
Farting quotes by Katherine Pancol
In his autobiography Stravinsky relates that the first music he remembers was made by a peasant, working his hand in his armpit to produce a rhytmic farting. ~ Craig Raine
Farting quotes by Craig Raine
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