Family Christmas Funny Quotes

It's funny to think that Christmas - a time known for its joyful togetherness - can be the loneliest time of the year for some. ~ Giovanna Fletcher

People never like to talk about their slower relatives. I got a cousin, twice removed, got webs between his toes, ain't said one word his whole life. You never hear about him in the family newsletter that goes around every Christmas. Hell, nobody mentions me, either, if it comes to that. Families is funny about who they advertise. ~ Susan Juby

So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?"

"That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney."

"Oh, really?"

"O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?"

"Very good. You should be on the stage."

"It's funny you should mention that."

The passport officer groaned. Ten more minutes and his shift would have been over. "I was being sarcastic, actually. . ."

"Because my friend, Mr. McGuire, and I are also doing a stint in the Christmas pantomime. It's Snow White. I'm Doc, and he's Dopey."

The passport officer forced a smile. "Very good. Next."

Mulch spoke for the entire line to hear. "Of course, Mr. McGuire there was born to play Dopey, if you catch my drift."

Loafers lost it right there in the terminal. "You little freak!" he screamed. "I'll kill you! You'll be my next tattoo! You'll be my next tattoo!"

Much tutted as Loafers disappeared beneath half a dozen security guards.

"Actors," he said. "Highly strung. ~ Eoin Colfer

I want gifts and Christmas music. I don't care how many Draziri are out there. They won't take Christmas from me."

"Yes, but we don't have a suitable male," Orro said. "And only one dog."

I looked at him.

"What is this Christmas?" Wing asked.

Orro turned from the stove. "It's the rite of passage during which the young males of the human species learn to display aggression and use weapons."

Sean stopped what he was doing and looked at Orro.

"The young men go out in small packs," Orro continued. "They brave the cold and come into conflict with other packs and they have to prove their dominance through physical combat. Their fathers teach them lessons in the proper use of swear words, and the young men have to undergo tests of endurance, like holding soap in their mouths and licking cold metal objects."

Sean made a strangled noise.

"At the end of their trials, they go to see a wise elder in a red suit to prove their worth. If they are judged worthy, the family erects a ceremonial tree and presents them with gifts of weapons."

Sean was clearly struggling, because his head was shaking.

"Also," Orro added, "a sacrificial poultry is prepared and then given to the wild animals, probably to appease the nature spirits."

Sean roared with laughter. ~ Ilona Andrews

At Christmas, individuals are apportioned their roles in the family script - you're either the funny one or the sensitive one; or you either do the cooking or the washing up. And those roles aren't easy to change. ~ Tom Hiddleston

We have a small, tight family. I left home at a young age and the best thing for me was to go home at Christmas-time and spend time with my family and friends. It's kind of funny, most people do turkey and all the trimmings, but we would have a big seafood festival because it's the only time of the year that we'd eat it. We never really went caroling, but once in a while we'd got out for a sleigh ride ~ Jimmy Roy

A sweet friend of my Hannah's said that Christmas only makes her sad. "It's just for happy families it makes everyone else miserable."
But there is a secret truth about family. Eventually you get to pick a family for yourself m. And thanks to the sticky, sweet, funny, loud, rambunctious people I chose, Christmas is my favorite time of the year. ~ Ellen Stimson

Our family's special holiday tradition is going over to my grandparent's house on Christmas morning. My grandma cooks a big breakfast, and I love hearing her tell old funny stories. ~ Caroline Sunshine

Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection. ~ Winston Churchill

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. ~ Tom Sims

Christmas is a huge thing in my family. We usually start decorating the day after Thanksgiving. We spend Christmas Eve with one set of grandparents, and Christmas Day with the other grandparents and our family. ~ Samantha Isler

The way my family always did Christmas was on Christmas Eve, it wasn't really centered around a dinner on Christmas Eve. It was more about keeping the kids calm. Sometime after dark is when we were going to open all the presents underneath the tree from Mom, Dad and the kids and everything - just the family presents was every Christmas Eve. ~ Blake Shelton

Christmas means a great deal to me. I was reared in a family that celebrated Christmas to some extent, but I married into a family that celebrated Christmas in a big way. And my wife always made a big thing of Christmas for the children. We have five children, and we had a terrific time at Christmas. ~ Billy Graham

I think 'Elf' is funny, with Will Ferrell. That's a great Christmas movie. ~ Robert Osborne

For me, the spirit of Christmas means being happy and giving freely. It's a tradition for all the kids in the family to help mom decorate the tree. Christmas is all about family, eating, drinking and making merry. ~ Malaika Arora Khan

My family always makes a huge deal out of Christmas. ~ Jenna Morasca

Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have sh*t to do. ~ Jon Stewart

I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. ~ Wanda Sykes

The greatest gift at Christmas is love. The love that bind us together us one Human Family. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Instead of protesting and cursing others because they write "X-Mas" instead of "Christmas"; try being Christmas. Live Christmas. Breathe Christmas. Act Christmas. Speak Christmas. Reflect Christmas. Listen and feel Christmas
Christ doesn't care how you write Christmas; he cares how you live Christmas all year long. ~ Sandra Chami Kassis

Eating a huge home cooked Christmas dinner was his personal favorite. Evan would look around after each Christmas Day was done. There were empty dishes, and torn up wrapping paper on the ground. Monty was passed out on the couch stuffed with food. Evan would close his eyes and hear the day. He could feel the memories that were just made. ~ David Rangel

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~ Bill Vaughan

In France, Christmas is a family holiday. You stay home. New Year's Eve is when you go out. ~ Alain Ducasse

Every year, like a good Catholic, I wait for Christmas. Putting up the lights, decorating the tree, making sweets and then unwrapping gifts on Christmas morning ... it's a tradition my family has followed since I was very little. ~ Malaika Arora Khan

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

We are really quite lucky this yeara because Christmas falls on Christmas Day ~ Bobby Gould

Christmas was always a big holiday in our family. Every Christmas Eve before we'd go to bed, my mom and dad would read to us two or three stories and they would always be 'The Happy Prince,' 'The Gift of the Magi' and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas,' and I would like to keep that alive. ~ Cameron Mathison

When I was 11, I made truffle risotto for my family for Christmas dinner. ~ Gigi Hadid

I like to spend Christmas with family and friends, pigging out, exchanging gifts and basically doing nothing. ~ George Kotsiopoulos

They stopped right in front of a grandfather tree with a deep knothole between two arm-like branches. The kids glanced at each other, but did not speak a word. ~ James Barbato

All the Christmas presents in the world are worth nothing without the presence of Christ. ~ David Jeremiah

It's true, Christmas can feel like a lot of work, particularly for mothers. But when you look back on all the Christmases in your life, you'll find you've created family traditions and lasting memories. Those memories, good and bad, are really what help to keep a family together over the long haul. ~ Caroline Kennedy

My family know not to get me any tech for Christmas. I can never get it to work, and it all becomes very tearful and pressurised. ~ Peter Capaldi

If I'm getting on an airplane or anywhere, really, I have a lunch box and stuff. It's a running joke with my friends and family - everyone gives me lunch boxes for Christmas. ~ Nikki Reed

I love playing a dad. It's hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny. ~ Peter Gallagher

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help. ~ Andy Borowitz

Let the essence of Christmas blossom within - as the countdown to Christmas begins. ~ Eleesha

It's funny, I was talking to somebody who writes for a cop show, and he was saying how they aren't allowed to acknowledge Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, just because it has to be able to play forever. ~ Hannah Simone

You see, insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. ~ Joseph Kesselring

We try to make the name longer and longer every year. First, it was 'Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular.' Then it was 'It's a Very Larry Christmas.' Now it's 'Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-palooza Christmas Luau.' I'll tell you what it is: It's funny. That's what it is. Who cares what the name of it is? It is a funny special. ~ Larry The Cable Guy

I love Christmas. Christmas is family time. ~ Brody Jenner

Rejoice, that the immortal God is born, so that mortal man may live in eternity. ~ Jan Hus

I grew up in a reform Jewish family in St. Louis. Our idea of Judaism was no bar mitzvahs and a Christmas tree that had a skirt at the bottom embroidered with the names of my grandparents. ~ Danny Meyer

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday. ~ Andy Borowitz

At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional. ~ Robert Godden

All New Years is to me is for taking down your dumb Christmas decorations. People who put up Christmas decorations, all they're saying is, 'Hey, we're not Jews.' ~ Rich Vos

Christmas is filled with joy and laughter, but love is the foundation that inspires it all. ~ Wayne Chirisa

Ugster vinyl pumps, Partridge Family records, plastic daisy jewelry, old postcards ... It's a magpie Christmas market. ~ Francesca Lia Block

Christmas is here, Merry old Christmas, Gift-bearing Christmas, Day of grand memories, King of the year! ~ Washington Irving

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? ~ Casey Stengel

I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house. ~ Anthony Anderson

Christmas is far and away my favorite holiday. I love everything about it, from the event that inspired it, hoping for a white one, to wrapping presents. But mostly I love having family and friends gathered, and sharing traditions. ~ Ellen Hopkins

Several years ago, I was creating a Christmas present for the family, a self-published cookbook featuring recipes my grandmother had collected and created over decades. While interviewing her for the biographical section, she began to talk about her courtship with my late grandfather. ~ Kristina McMorris

My Christmases have always just been very simple and about family. ~ Julie Roberts

Live until you die." spoken by Nana Antonia in Steve Burt's story "Nana Antonia's Christmas Wish" in Family Circle Magazine. The story is also found as "Christmas Eve 12 Plus 97" in Steve' book, A Christmas Dozen. ~ Steve Burt

Whatever he does should be seen as working at the Presidency and if he goes to Colorado for Christmas, it should be for a minimum amount of time, the family tradition and family get-together aspect emphasized, and it be seen as a working vacation. ~ Robert Teeter

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. ~ Publilius Syrus

Amidst such Soulful freedom, Christmas is never hindered - but, freely embraced. ~ Eleesha

This Christmas may you courageously venture - toward each new and unfolding horizon. ~ Eleesha

I send my thoughts afar, and let them paint your Christmas Day at home. ~ Edward Rowland Sill

Mankind is a great, an immense family ... This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas. ~ Pope John XXIII

Allow Christmas day to blossom in the bosom of your own inner joy & happiness. ~ Eleesha

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right? ~ Conan O'Brien

Let each Soulful insight, encourage you to - joyfully partake of Christmas in your own way. ~ Eleesha

Christmas, just like life itself - will become all that you choose or want it, to be. ~ Eleesha

Don't only wait until Christmas to love, love at all times. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny. ~ Martin Short

The family is the key of Christmas. ~ Scott Hahn

I love Christmas. I really do love Christmas. I love being with my family and I love snow. I love the music and the lights and all of it. ~ Christina Applegate

The day you stop getting excited about Christmas is the day you become officially old. ~ Stewart Stafford

God walked down the stairs of heaven with a Baby in His arms. ~ Paul Scherrer

We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest. ~ Meg Cabot

The yearly tradition of Christmas is bountifully supported - without the need to ever fade. ~ Eleesha

I lost everything in the post-natal depression. ~ Erma Bombeck

Celebrate the life you have been gifted thus far, supporting the arrival of Christmas day. ~ Eleesha

As Christmas draws near, let the words resonate - not just within your heart & mind, but Soul. ~ Eleesha

Trust all you wish to achieve, in the aftermath of Christmas will harmoniously begin to unfold. ~ Eleesha

Let what is Soulfully shared this Christmas, remind you of all you have the power to achieve. ~ Eleesha

Honor the freedom to celebrate Christmas, not alone - but, in the company of all those you love, too. ~ Eleesha

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet. ~ Bill Cosby

Christmas is a time of sharing, and joy and grace. There's no better time to entertain family and friends than now. ~ Shelley Shepard Gray

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life. ~ Oscar Wilde

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me ! ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I wasn't even 20 at the time, but it taught me something about drugs. They can take a good man, a warm, funny, loving family man, and turn him into a loser and worse. ~ Michael Bergin

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, make the Yuletide gay. ~ Ralph Blane

When I grew up, we always had our chickens, and we ate our eggs, and we ate our chickens. The family always had a pig, and we would kill it at Christmas and eat it for three or four months afterwards. ~ Isabella Rossellini

One of my favorite times of year is around Christmas when my entire family gets together and we make tamales together. It's a full two-day event, and we create an assembly line. It's awesome because everyone has his or her own part in making the dish. It's so much fun. ~ Sabrina Bryan

Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate the love of God and family and to create memories that will last forever. Jesus is God's perfect, indescribable gift. The amazing thing is that not only are we able to receive this gift, but we are able to share it with others on Christmas and every other day of the year. ~ Joel Osteen

Christmas, so joyfully celebrated within our hearts and within the hearts of countless others. ~ Eleesha

As you embrace Christmas, you embrace the magnitude of your life's journey & purpose. ~ Eleesha

I do have a family, and I do have friends, and so-called friends, and acquaintances, and many other people I see only around Christmas time. Maybe they could vouch for me. Maybe they could testify to my existence and save a part of me that thinks I'm no better than a bag of potato chips. ~ Macaulay Culkin

On the day after Christmas, some store or another will always take out and ad saying there are only 364 shopping days to Christmas. No one is amused. ~ Gerard Del Re

Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends. ~ Margaret Thatcher

Merry christmas to those who celebrate it...forgive your enemy, tolerance to your opponents, generosity to your friends, LOVE to your family, be good example to the kids and respect to yourself..is the best gift during this holy day...may you have the most joyful year!!! (Ejump,2016) ~ Ejump - 2016

I love being here, Evelyn, don't think that I don't. Yes, I do miss being in New York, but being with a great family for Christmas is the best thing any guy could get. It's been the best year I've had for a quite a long time. ~ R.A. Rooney

I can't tell you how scary it can be walking onto a movie and suddenly joining this family, it's like going to somebody else's Christmas dinner, everyone knows everyone, and you're there and you're not quite sure what you're supposed to be doing. ~ John Cleese

She was so busy doing Christmas, there wasn't time to experience Christmas. ~ Lori Copeland

Whether you are with those you love or alone, you are contributing to Christmas, in your own way. ~ Eleesha

It's funny how God will just keep using you, and our motto around our family forever has been, 'Just let Him use you.' ~ Kim Fields

There was plenty of dysfunction in my family and I went to Catholic School with these psychotic nuns. I would always try to be funny to lighten the mood. ~ Julie Brown