Eezy Bachelorette Quotes

Piano Man put up a fight but his resistance was futile. Hell hath no fury like a drunken girl at her bachelorette party in the mood to sing. ~ Vicki Lesage

On both 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette,' it seems like proposing marriage is equivalent to saying, 'Let's date.' Everyone knows those aren't the same things. ~ Patti Stanger

Don't add an eezy to my name, 'cause it has never been that' ~ Donald Glover

Vanished like inhibitions at a bachelorette party. ~ Dennis Vickers

Without a doubt ... the worst part of being a single woman was having to take care of your own car. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Trina: The bachelorette has to be local and PG so the girls can come.
Kristen: What girls?
Trina: My girls. ~ Jenny Han

I could get away with not taking care of myself as a bachelorette but as a mom I can't. ~ Alanis Morissette

AS I PLAN MY QUEST," Quichotte said, drinking from a can of ginger ale, "I ponder the contemporary period as well as the classical. And by the contemporary I mean, of course, The Bachelorette. ~ Salman Rushdie

Okay, yes, I am a bit of a geek. I enjoy escapist entertainment. Listen, I'd rather watch a bunch of elves and wizards trying to save Middle Earth from the forces of evil than, I dunno, the Bachelorette or the Real Housewives of wherever getting their butt fat injected into their lips. ~ Meagan Brothers

One tradition I have with my friends is that when one of us gets married, we have a ton of fragrance oils and pretty bottles at the bachelorette party. Everyone puts a drop or two in a bottle for the bride and makes a wish, and the bride wears our creation on her wedding day. ~ Jennifer Aniston

People, heed my warning: That stuff is Specials Olympics in a pint glass. You think they are harmless and not very strong, and the next thing you know it is an hour later and you are in the bathroom of the bar with your pants off, surrounded by five girls, giving your boxers to a bachelorette party because one of the girls is cute and told you that you had a nice butt. Be forewarned.
- from the Austin Road Trip story ~ Tucker Max

Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out! ~ Chelsea Handler

I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. ~ Mindy Kaling

And we were taught to play golf. Golf epitomizes the tame world. On a golf course nature is neutered. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterility. Here, the grass is not singing. The wind cannot blow through it. Dumb expression, greenery made stupid, it hums a bland monotone in the key of the mono-minded. No word is emptier than a golf tee. No roots, it has no known etymology, it is verbal nail polish. Worldwide, golf is an arch act of enclosure, a commons fenced and subdued for the wealthy, trampling serf and seedling. The enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. ~ Jay Griffiths

From the passenger seat Kitty sighs heavily and rests her head against the window.
"What's up with you?" Peter asks.
"The bridesmaids won't let me go on the bachelorette night," she says. "I'm the only one left out."
I narrow my eyes at the back of her head.
"That's bullshit!" Peter looks at me in the rearview mirror. "Why won't you guys let her go?"
"We're going to a karaoke bar! We can't bring Kitty in because she's too young. Honestly, I think I was barely allowed to go."
"Why can't you guys just go to a restaurant like we're doing?"
"Because that's not a real bachelorette."
Peter rolls his eyes. "It's not like you guys are going to a strip club or something--wait, did you change your mind? Are you going to a strip club?"
"No!"
"Then what's the big deal? Just go somewhere else."
"Peter, it's not my decision. You'll have to take it up with Kristen." I smack the back of Kitty's arm. "Same goes for you, you little fiend! Quit trying to weasel your way in by manipulating Peter. He has no power here."
"Sorry, kid," Peter says.
Kitty slumps in her seat and then straightens. "What if I came to the bachelor night instead?" she suggests. "Since you're just going to a restaurant?"
Peter stutters, "Uh--uh, I don't know, I'd have to talk to the guys…"
"So you'll ask? Because I like steak too. I like it so much. I'll order steak with a baked potato on the side, and for dessert I'll have a strawberry sundae with ~ Jenny Han

I was stunned. I pulled the phone away and looked quizzically at the hole-punched speaker. Aside from the blood obligation to be my sister's maid of honor, it had never occured to me that I would get asked to be in anyone's wedding. I thought we had reached an understanding, the institution of marriage and I. Weddings are the like the triathlon of female friendship: the Shower, the Bachelorette Party, and the Main Event. It's the Iron Woman and most people never make it through. They fall off their bikes or choke on ocean water. I figured if I valued my life, I'd stay away from weddings and they'd stay away from me. ~ Sloane Crosley