Editing Humor Quotes

While writing is like a joyful release, editing is a prison where the bars are my former intentions and the abusive warden my own neuroticism. ~ Tiffany Madison

Anyone and everyone taking a writing class knows that the secret of good writing is to cut it back, pare it down, winnow, chop, hack, prune, and trim, remove every superfluous word, compress, compress, compress...

Actually, when you think about it, not many novels in the Spare tradition are terribly cheerful. Jokes you can usually pluck out whole, by the roots, so if you're doing some heavy-duty prose-weeding, they're the first to go. And there's some stuff about the whole winnowing process I just don't get. Why does it always stop when the work in question has been reduced to sixty or seventy thousand words--entirely coincidentally, I'm sure, the minimum length for a publishable novel? I'm sure you could get it down to twenty or thirty if you tried hard enough. In fact, why stop at twenty or thirty? Why write at all? Why not just jot the plot and a couple of themes down on the back of an envelope and leave it at that? The truth is, there's nothing very utilitarian about fiction or its creation, and I suspect that people are desperate to make it sound manly, back-breaking labor because it's such a wussy thing to do in the first place. The obsession with austerity is an attempt to compensate, to make writing resemble a real job, like farming, or logging. (It's also why people who work in advertising put in twenty-hour days.) Go on, young writers--treat yourself to a joke, or an adverb! Spoil yourself! Readers won't mind! ~ Nick Hornby

When she got back from taking Cassie to school Fancy knew that she ought to be working on her wilderness romance. She had promised thirty thousand words to her editor by tomorrow, and she had only written eleven. Specifically:
His rhinoceros smelled like a poppadom: sweaty, salty, strange and strong.
Her editor would cut that line. ~ Jaclyn Moriarty

Love how editing makes you more confident with your book ...but also makes you want to set it on fire at the same time. ~ Kira Hawke

A curse of being a writer is the compulsion to edit. Take the sign on my walking trail, for example. It reads, 'Watered by well water.' One of these days, no matter how hard I try to resist, I just know I'm going to paint it out to read, 'Irrigated by well water.' If you don't get this, it's because you're not a writer. ~ Ron Brackin

It has been our experience that American houses insist on very comprehensive editing; that English houses as a rule require little or none and are inclined to go along with the author's script almost without query. The Canadian practice is just what you would expect
a middle-of-the-road course. We think the Americans edit too heavily and interfere with the author's rights. We think that the English publishers don't take enough editorial responsibility. Naturally, then, we consider our editing to be just about perfect. There's no doubt about it, we Canadians are a superior breed! (in a letter to author Margaret Laurence, dated May, 1960) ~ Jack McClelland

Don't all Air Pirates know how to fry? ~ Jack Lewis Baillot

A good editor is like a pair of Spanx: firming up the body, making the subject look good, and absolutely invisible. ~ Sandi Layne

Self editing is the path to the dark side. Self editing leads to self delusion, self delusion leads to missed mistakes, missed mistakes lead to bad reviews. Bad reviews are the tools of the dark side. ~ Eric T. Benoit

Things like,
Brothers and sisters!
Saving money!
Setting the table!
True love...
... I MEAN! Foods you don't like! ~ Marcy Heisler

I liked my face. Ethan liked my face. A lot of people liked my face. Besides, makeup was really just glorified face paint. ~ D.A. Paul

Thinking back on the outing to the theatre, she added, 'I want a man, not a preening peacock! ~ Katherine Givens

The trick, though, is to not lose compassion, to not allow the sense of absurdity to outweigh the awareness of real beings, with real feelings. Mean-spirited humor turns the world into cardboard, the way Midas's simple-minded greed turned food into inedible and useless stuff. ~ Jane Hirshfield

One day we found them. They must of been holding a gook convention or something, cause it seem like the same sort of deal as when you step on a anthill and they all come swarming around. ~ Winston Groom

Don't judge a cat by its coat. ~ Magdalena VandenBerg

Cars like that shouldn't be left in storage. It causes mechanical issues. With brakes and tires and engines and such."
My smile returned. "You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?"
"Not a word. ~ Kelley Armstrong

Without warning, he sprawled forward, doing a face-plant in the snow.
At first, we laughed and teased. the normally surefooted Kerrick brushed snow off his cape, grumbling good-naturedly. ~ Maria V. Snyder

She has carefully audited her life and found she has no requirement for a husband. ~ Helen Smith

Anyway, all he's partial to sending is holograms of uniquely perverted unicorns and video clips of him reading puns. Pluto, if anything, has made him stranger. ~ Pierce Brown

And you, Lord Bridgerton," she replied in a tone that could have frozen champagne, "are almost as handsome as your brother."
Colin snorted again, only this time it sounded as if he were being strangled.
"Are you all right?" Miss Sheffield asked.
"He's fine," Anthony barked.
She ignored him, keeping her attention on Colin. "Are you certain?"
Colin nodded furiously. 'Tickle in my throat."
"Or perhaps a guilty conscience?" Anthony suggested.
Colin turned deliberately from his brother to Kate. "I think I might need another glass of lemonade," he gasped.
"Or maybe," said Anthony, "something stronger. Hemlock, perhaps? ~ Julia Quinn

It is India and It will always be India forever "The Golden Bird" of Union World. ~ Divya Soni

Watch the 'tude, dude, unless you want today's session to suck more than a sex worker on Saturday night. ~ Helena Hunting

Now there's a girl I don't want to mess with' - or at least, that's what I would think if I had a chronic fear of freakishly nice people. ~ Nenia Campbell

I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of humor I like. I like the goofy one-liner type stuff. ~ Larry The Cable Guy

If you keep little decisions small - then big decisions will even be smaller. ~ Art Hochberg

There is a difference between being mad and being surrounded by retards. ~ Blanco

That woman could spread gossip faster than the flu in a whorehouse. ~ Jean Oram

There are some people that see the half full cup and get upset about where the other half of the cup went ... With an attitude like that, they will never be happy. I see a half full cup and I immediately take half of someone else's cup and then I have a full cup and I'm happy. With the right attitude, life is really very simple. Peter Pan from 'Leaving Neverland' (Why Little Boys Shouldn't Run Big Corporations) ~ Daniel Prokop

I had a dream about you. You had no skin or muscle on your face, and to try to conceal your bare skull you liberally applied lipstick and makeup. Your birthday was coming up, and I knew you were probably sensitive about parties that emphasize the aging process, so I decided to box up your gift in a coffin and wrap it with black wrapping paper. I got you the best gift ever too - a hooker, who happened to be dead, because that enabled me to procure a sizeable discount. ~ Dora J. Arod

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I'm not looking for the perfect man. I'm looking for the man whose imperfections I can put up with. ~ Devon Ashley

He still wasn't looking at me, which meant I was still in trouble. I swear, sometimes this partnership is like being married. We fight all the time and neither one of us is getting married. ~ John G. Hartness

Have you ever come across something you couldn't explain?"
"Explain in what way? I could explain a ghost by saying, 'yes, that's a ghost.' I take it that's not what you mean. ~ Isaac Asimov

Don't let someone stealing your quotes ! ~ Achmad

Briston shakes his head in answer, and slowly walks over to the sword. He cautiously stretches out his hand, which I can see is shaking.
"What are you doing." I ask, frightened.
"I'm going to see what happens if I touch it." Briston continues to stretch his hand out slowly.
"Briston don't. What if it, I don't know, sucks you inside?"
Briston stops to give me a dubious look.
"What? It could happen. Don't you remember Poltergeist? The little girl got sucked into the television. ~ Brandy Nacole

I'm like a stray cat. If you feed me, I don't leave. ~ Michelle M. Pillow

My body - I do not fall to pieces and be reduced to a big pile of lovable mush over a woman, never! ~ A.R. Von

And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag. ~ Scott Westerfeld

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code ... he turned himself in. ~ Rita Rudner

An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. ~ Will Rogers

Reilly Brown is a master of balancing action, humor, and extreme violence, and his character designs for some of the alien races and technology that we encounter is just amazing. ~ Cullen Bunn

As in music, when we hear the crescendo building, suddenly if the music stops, we begin to hear the silence as part of the music. ~ Chogyam Trungpa

If you really love someone you shouldn't have to think about anything. You should want to say it. It's not difficult. ~ Katie Klein

Scale the heights of your career and break that glass ceiling, but do it very quietly and gingerly, and be sure to make a man think he did it for you. ~ Sarah Cooper

Through the power of physics ~ Marissa Meyer

(On her son) I've met writer's block. He is short, diapered and keeps unplugging my laptop. Good news: he can be conquered with a bottle and a nap. ~ Cyrese Covelli

She led him past the engine room, which looked like a very dangerous, mechanized jungle gym, with pipes and pistons and tubes jutting from a central bronze sphere. Cables resembling giant metal noodles snaked across the floor and ran up the walls.
"How does that thing even work?" Percy asked.
"No idea," Annabeth said. "And I'm the only one besides Leo who can operate it."
"That's reassuring."
"It should be fine. It's only threatened to blow up once."
"You're kidding, I hope."
She smiled. "Come on. ~ Rick Riordan

When your done releasing sexual tensions, we have a meeting to continue!"
~
Francis Bonnefoy, Hetalia, English Dub ~ Francis Bonnefoy

Don't run I never liked fast food ~ Rachel Caine

If somebody doesn't call me a bitch once a day, I figure I'm not doing my job. ~ J.D. Robb

It was a dark and stormy night. . .perfect for staying indoors and writing a novel! ~ Z

Single guys can easily simulate some of the joys of marriage simply by installing one of those GPS devices that use a woman's voice. ~ Barry Parham

[L]ife is a phenomenon in need of criticism, for we are, as fallen creatures, in permanent danger of worshipping false gods, of failing to understand ourselves and misinterpreting the behaviour of others, of growing unproductively anxious or desirous, and of losing ourselves to vanity and error. Surreptitiously and beguilingly, then, with humour or gravity, works of art
novels, poems, plays, paintings or films
can function as vehicles to explain our condition to us. They may act as guides to a truer, more judicious, more intelligent understanding of the world. ~ Alain De Botton

What do you think they're going to do to us when they find us guilty?" she says after a few minutes of silence have passed.
"Honestly?"
"Does now seem like the time for honesty?"
I look at her from the corner of my eye. "I think they're going to force us to eat lots of cake and then take an unreasonably long nap. ~ Veronica Roth

I was into third guesses with Theo and Maddy. Anyway, that's one of the reasons I opted to buy
the van and drive cross-country instead of dumping us all in a plane. It gave us some time. Nothing
like a three-thousand-mile drive in an enclosed vehicle to cement a family unit - if you live through
it."
"It was very brave of you."
"You want to talk courage?" He drove easily up the lane to the villa. "I've been chief taste-tester
on this wine experiment Maddy's conducting. It's brut ~ Nora Roberts