Duct Tape Quotes

You always kiss on the first date?"
"Not usually until after the duct-tape. ~ Leslea Tash

I love my dad. He used to walk around the whole neighborhood and collect old furniture and fix it, like MacGyver with duct tape. One time, he brought a television home. I said, 'Damn, that TV has 500 channels.' When I got older, it didn't have 500 channels - it was a knob from the oven. My favorite channel was 300 degrees. ~ Felipe Esparza

Duct tape. Perfect weapon; so many uses. ~ Taylor Stevens

Civilization is held together by duct tape and spit, and I'm worried about the duct tape. ~ Jacqueline Patricks

Most things can be fixed with duct tape and extension cords. ~ Jase Robertson

We were all the same, it seemed to me, all of us dented and scratched and damaged, held together with pins and duct tape, the walking wounded making one last stand in the dark before giving in to the inevitable". ~ Greg Gifune

Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can't improve on duct tape. ~ Andy Weir

Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers. ~ Dave Barry

...duct tape is magic and should be worshipped. ~ Andy Weir

I made plans out of hope, expectation, desire, and duct tape, and I broke those plans with my bare hands. ~ Jarod Kintz

He took a long draw then asked, "What'd I do?"
"You knew about the guy threatening my dad?"
He paused, shifted in his chair, so freaking busted, it wasn't funny. "They told you?"
"Why, no, Swopes, they didn't. Instead, they waited until the guy knocked the fuck out of my dad and readied him for spaceflight with duct tape then tried to kill me with a butcher's knife. ~ Darynda Jones

You can never have too much sky. ~ Sandra Cisneros

Okay, our next stop is the hardware store." Marin's lips curved into a hint of a smile. "Yippee. Axes, duct tape, lamp oil, and a shovel, here we come." "It's disturbing how quickly you came up with that shopping list." And that made her grin outright. ~*~ ~ Kate Baray

The bastards who dommed you before needed rope, and duct tape. All I need is a firm grip in your hair, my lips this close to your throat, and the sting of my palm across your ass. That's the difference, Precious. ~ Sai Marie Johnson

We might even purposely create time for boredom on a summer day, so they have to go to the garage and see what interesting fun they can have with a pulley, some rope, and a roll of duct tape. ~ Daniel J. Siegel

Just Leo's luck. A super-hot immortal girl was waiting for him on Ogygia, but he couldn't figure out how to wire a stupid chunk of rock into the three-thousand-year-old navigation device. Some problems even duct tape couldn't solve. ~ Rick Riordan

I have a full grown, semi-nude man bound with duct tape in my truck and I was trying to get out to the desert to bury him. How do I get to 5 South? ~ Johnny Knoxville

I can't stop some idiot from crashing into a building or blowing up a bus, I can only be your dad and give you a few pure truths. Number one, duct tape will save your life. Number two, Tupac is alive, but I need you to keep that on the DL because of Suge. And number three, don't be afraid of anything - except the television news because they're lying to you every night. ~ Christopher Titus

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop. G. Weilacher ~ Ian Molyneaux

Stop smiling!" she ordered. "I can see you, Carter. Oh ... and, uh, hullo, Walt."
The pot monster made squeaky grinding noises as it stood up straight. One clunky arm rose and tried to fix Sadie's nonexistent hair. Leave it to Sadie to be
self-conscious around boys, even when she's made out of pots and duct tape. ~ Rick Riordan

People who raise dogs to fight should be shot. Men who steal a little girl's dog to bait a fighting dog should die the slowest, most torturous death possible. Their skin should be separated from their flesh with an air hose through minute slits and then have water from the Salton Sea injected slowly into the cavities while someone rips off strips of duct tape from their balls. But that's just off the top of my head. ~ Rhys Ford

She came at him sideways, away from his legs, reaching down to pull the duct tape away. He didn't even notice the pain, spitting out the rag someone had put in his mouth earlier. She turned, and handed him a bottle of water. "You're probably thirsty. The drug I gave you tends to make your mouth dry."
"No, I think that was caused by the sock someone stuffed in there," he said. "Your work? ~ Anne Stuart

Once you duct-tape a Ziploc bag to a man's chest, there's no going back. ~ Orson Scott Card

At that moment, it just seemed as if his face was perfect. Innocent and strong. And - why not? - exotic, too, bu exotic in the sense of being distinct from most of the other faces we saw every day. A face I would design if I could design a face for the son I was never going to have. It was an Asian face. Not unlike the one I used to see in the mirror so many decades ago, the one I was so ashamed of for its distinctive contours. The one I spent years trying to alter with clothespins and duct tape. ~ Alex Tizon

I knew Denver was sincere when he told me that he would not want to trade places with me for even one day. His convictions became clear to me when I laid my key ring on the table between us at one of our earlier meetings for coffee.
Denver smiled a bit and sidled up to a cautious question. 'I know it ain't none of my business, but does you own somethin' that each one of those keys fits?'
I glanced at the keys; there were about ten of them. 'I suppose,' I replied, not really ever having thought about it.
'Are you sure you own them, or does they own you?'
That wisdom stuck to my brain like duct tape. The more I thought about it, the more I became convinced we'd enjoy life a whole lot more if we owned a whole lot less. ~ Ron Hall

You are an idiot," Tom informed him.
Prophet stared at the duct tape around his wrists. "I have no argument against that at the moment. ~ S.E. Jakes

And-he was ashamed to admit
he had been known to carry off the occasional roll of duct tape. That stuff could be used for everything. ~ Sharon Ashwood

Wilbur looked at the list glumly. "Are you sure you need all this stuff?"
"Yep."
"The ax?"
"The ax is critical."
"The chalk?"
"The chalk is super-critical."
"The bungee cords?"
"Bungee cords are the single most useful object in the universe, Wilbur. People may say it's duct tape, but it's actually bungee cords. All great heroes know this. ~ Ursula Vernon

Like when people (my parents) ask what I'm going to study in college and I say, "English." They say, "Oh. So you want to be a teacher?" And I want to cover my eyes and mouth with duct tape and pretend to be dead and done with it. No, you simpletons. I want to travel and write and live in a big city, and do cool things with my brain. This is not to disparage the fine and noble art of educating in any way. My English teachers have made me who I am today and I love them with a passion that surprises me. I just don't want to be one. ~ Arlaina Tibensky

When they searched my car, they said that they found a gasoline canister and I think duct tape. Who wouldn't have a gasoline canister on them when driving 3,000 miles across country? ~ Sherman Austin

Guns make you stupidbetter to fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart. ~ Jeffrey Donovan

When's the last time you used duct tape on a duct? ~ Larry Wall

If you pull a rope and some duct tape out of those saddlebags, I'm going to freak.
Jeana E. Mann. Intoxicated (Kindle Locations 746-747). ~ Jeana E. Mann

Anal is pretty much the sexual duct tape of the world- it fixes everything.
I should put that on a t-shirt. ~ Tara Sivec

A few minutes later, a tall, bronze-skinned woman with masses of dark hair, eyes like pale emeralds, and more curves than the Nürburgring racetrack appeared next to my table. My SEAL stood and started to intervene, but I held up a lazy hand, gave a droopy-eyed smile, slurred my words, and waved him off. The stripper sat on my lap with nothing between her and the Lord but a smile and three pieces of strategically placed duct tape. She slipped a glittering arm around my shoulders - she apparently was wearing lotion with metal flakes in it and it felt rough. Then she leaned her décolletage my way, placing her head next to my ear. "You know what you're supposed to do, right?" she whispered, smiling and acting like she had just said something terribly wrong. She was a good actress for Elizabeth City.
Laughing, smiling, and acting wasted, I slurred as loudly and obnoxiously as I could, "Oh, I know exactly what I'm doing, woman!" With that, I reached up and placed my hand on her massive breast, just as I'd been instructed to do - all for the good of my country.
The slap that followed could[…]"

Excerpt From: Jamie Smith. "Gray Work ~ Jamie Smith

Believe it or not, kids, duct tape was not invented so you could make trashy little wallets and hideous handbags out of it. I ~ C.M. Stunich

I'm being accused of being a murderer! I'M being ACCUSED of being a molester! ... They say my idea of a fun day is a dark lonely field and the urunj of a car, and a large stick and a roll of duct tape! My MOM shops at Wal-Mart! She gets calls all the time now; she's worried about me! I'm not the most emotionally stable guy in the world; I'll admit that ... I do have some problems, but my God, I'm not a murderer! ~ Al Snow

3. The séance was for real and everyone knows it. But they won't discuss it because
A. they don't trust me,
B. they don't like me, or
C. they're playing it down because they're plotting to get me alone after school, duct tape my mouth, and throw me over the fence so Annaliese can rip out my throat with her ghostly teeth.

Okay. Now that's paranoid. ~ Jeannine Garsee

A smile and a laugh are the duct tape of life; they can fix anything. ~ Mike Wallace

New Rule: From now on, duct tape must be called what it really is
murder tape. A search of the suspected Craigslist Killer's home yielded a firearm, restraints, and duct tape, or, as we call that here in Hollywood, Phil Spector's earthquake kit. ~ Bill Maher

My granddad used to always say, 'Even duct tape can't fix stupid,'" I said, putting my straw in my mouth.

"Hmm. No. But it can muffle the sound. ~ Abby Jimenez

Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape? ~ Craig Kilborn

We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting to protect your house in event of terrorist attacks. Who came up with this idea? MacGyver? ~ Jay Leno

They told us to buy duct tape and portable radios so that if the world does end, we can all listen to Rush Limbaugh blame it on Clinton. ~ Bill Maher

He hands me his shopping list and I lead him through the store in search of the items. Duct tape? Plastic wrap? A hacksaw? Who is this guy, Dexter? ~ Andrew Shaffer

The one with wormies swelling his belly?" Finn looked disgusted.
"It's not so swollen anymore."
"Right. So it's Maggot Cat pus on my duct tape. As soon as Thomas comes out of the restroom I'm going to wash this in hand sanitizer. Then throw up."
Teagan reached for the duct tape, but he moved it away.
"Don't be touching it, girl. It's disgusting. I'll deal with it. ~ Kersten Hamilton

I'm fine."
I ground my teeth. "I swear if I hear that from you or Solange one more time I'm duct-taping your mouths shut."
"Can I duct-tape yours shut?"
I grinned. "Like that would stop me. ~ Alyxandra Harvey

Philosophers get attention only when they appear to be doing something sinister
corrupting the youth, undermining the foundations of civilization, sneering at all we hold dear. The rest of the time everybody assumes that they are hard at work somewhere down in the sub-basement, keeping those foundations in good repair. Nobody much cares what brand of intellectual duct tape is being used. ~ Richard M. Rorty

Back there or maybe even taken an actual shit, and then tried to cover it up with a bunch of coconut air freshener that smelled like suntan lotion. The seats were greasy, and patched with duct tape, and the shocks were nearly gone. Whenever we struck a ~ Donna Tartt

After the 9/11 attacks, I dutifully stocked up on rolls of duct tape and N-95 masks, as the government recommended. ~ Dana Milbank

His voice was chipper. Cinnamon hated chipper. She wrapped Chipper up in duct tape, pounded nails into it and used it to beat the crap out of Perky. ~ Barbra Annino

This is my emergency kit. It contained a roll of duct tape, a spare pair of pants, an envelope with two hundred dollars, two bags of dried fruit, two packages of beef jerky, three bottles of water, a roll of thick shop towels you see mechanics use, a small metal pipe - just right for cracking a skull with - and a fake beard. Look, you never know. ~ David Wong

It was about everything. About life and death, and white and black and gray. It was about having to be tough when you weren't used to it. About having to grow when you'd thought you were done growing. In the back of my head, I knew what I'd said didn't make any damn sense. But how could I explain? How could I begin to tell him that I had lost a part of myself with my brother's death, and I was trying so hard to keep what I had left together with duct tape and paper clips? ~ Mariana Zapata

Lone women shouldn't stop in the middle of nowhere for giant unkempt strangers with duct tape on their faces. ~ Lee Child

Also, I need some duct tape, a shovel, and Brandon's phone number... ~ Shane Miller

I've always resented the force of attraction that traps me here on Planet Earth. It makes me feel like a bug stuck to a piece of duct tape. Ever since my teenage years, when I used to read a lot of science fiction and took it much too seriously, I've dreamed of somehow reaching escape velocity. I am, you might say, anti-gravity. ~ Charles Platt

If you trust me at all, if you want to listen to me at all..but you certainly don't have to…speaking from experience, I can tell you that things change. You can believe me, you don't have to. They probably won't change unless you make them. The best way to change something that's around you, something you don't like, is to change yourself. And I don't think you want other people changing you, I think the only person that can change you is yourself. So if you ain't happy, if you're reading magazines about generation x-ers and thinking 'yeah, I'm one of them', well fuck that. Don't let anyone tell you who you are. No, no. No one can tell me who I am. I can tell you who I am, but that would be a long story. I could tell you who I am and it wouldn't fit in a Rolling Stone. It wouldn't fit in a video…it's my life, it's your life. You're the only one who knows who you are. I hope you know who you are, figure it out. Cause you are somebody. And I'm probably stating the obvious, but I just thought I'd do it anyway. So if you feel like you've got a piece of duct tape on your mouth, if you feel like you can't speak, take it off, speak up, speak your mind, shout it out,let em hear, shout it out. ~ Eddie Vedder

No other way off the hill. He'd managed to get himself cornered. He stared at the stream of cars flowing west toward San Francisco and wished he were in one of them. Then he realized the highway must cut through the hill. There must be a tunnel ... right under his feet. His internal radar went nuts. He was in the right place, just too high up. He had to check out that tunnel. He needed a way down to the highway - fast. He slung off his backpack. He'd managed to grab a lot of supplies at the Napa Bargain Mart: a portable GPS, duct tape, lighter, superglue, water bottle, camping roll, a Comfy Panda Pillow Pet (as seen on TV), and a Swiss army knife - pretty much every tool a modern demigod could want. But he had nothing that would serve as a ~ Rick Riordan

You okay?" I asked Rosie and Rosie gave me an "are you nuts, that lunatic just tied me up with duct tape" look. ~ Kristen Ashley

There are many ways to get to know someone, and my favorite is seeing them naked in Happy Baby pose.
I also feel it is important to have sex soon after meeting someone in order to find out if you have sexual chemistry together. Otherwise, you could wait two to three months after you start dating someone only to discover that your new boyfriend is bad in bed, or even worse, is into anal beads and duct tape. ~ Chelsea Handler

He backed away from me, clutching the phone to his chest. "What?"
"Gimme the phone," I commanded, holding out my hand.
His head dropped solemnly. "I am on a very important call."
"Yes, about me," I said, reaching for it. "Now give it."
He shrank away and eyed the room anxiously. "Damn, I knew I should have kept a spare roll of duct tape somewhere. ~ Karina Halle

Maybe, you will kiss the modern bride
Let's agree to disagree, babe
on everything, in advance
Just duct tape my heart to yours babe ~ Casey Renee Kiser

In his other hand is a spear made from duct tape, a smashed Nokia phone from 1998 and a selfie stick. Welcome to the future. ~ Warren Ellis

Oh yes, and compulsory ferret-legging down the pub on Tuesday evenings, for the tourist trade tha' knows." "Ferret-legging?" Rachel looked at him incredulously. "Yup. You tie your kilt up around your knees with duct tape - as you probably know, no Yorkshireman would be seen dead wearing anything under his sporran - and take a ferret by the scruff of his neck. A ferret, that's like, uh, a bit like a mink. Only less friendly. It's a young man's initiation rite; you stick the ferret where the sun doesn't shine and dance the furry dance to the tune of a balalaika. Last man standing and all that, kind of like the ancient Boer aardvark-kissing competition." Martin shuddered dramatically. "I hate ferrets. The bloody things bite like a cask-strength single malt without the nice after-effects. ~ Charles Stross

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together. ~ Oprah Winfrey

duct tape, he wondered if he'd ever get then off. With ~ Kevin Tinto

How about if I take you home and give you some insight into the male libido?" Tage asked, giving her a wicked smile.

"Typical. Fix everything with sex."

"You mean sex doesn't fix everything? I thought it was right up there with duct tape and wood glue. ~ Shari Copell

I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes and duct tape in the trunk. I tried telling you my family has no money, but you had to find out the hard way. ~ Jarod Kintz

Parents are supposed to give the child back to herself with love. If they've got duct tape over their eyes because of narcissism, it doesn't happen. ~ Jane Fonda

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.
T-SHIRT ~ Darynda Jones

Billings pulled a roll from a compartment in his cargo pants leg. We gawked at him in disbelief. He shrugged. What? You never know when you're going to need duct tape. ~ Shelly Crane

So we climb," Meg announced.
"Hello?" I said miserably. "Paralysed former god here."
Grover grimaced at Meg. "Duct tape?"
"Duct tape," she agreed.
May the gods defend me from heroes with duct tape. And heroes always seem to have duct tape. Meg produced a roll from a pouch on her gardening belt. She propped me into a sitting position, back-to-back with Grover, then proceeded to loop tape under our armpits, binding me to the satyr as if I were a hiking pack.
With Meg's help, Grover staggered to his feet, jostling me around so I got random views of the walls, the floor, Meg's face and my own paralysed legs manspreading beneath me. ~ Rick Riordan

Then he threw me another essential tool of demigod heroes - duct tape. ~ Rick Riordan

All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape? ~ Garrison Keillor

Why would we ever want to go back when your world is so accommodating with your telephones and your guns and what's that sticky stuff called ... duct tape. ~ Cornelia Funke

She stuffed the goodies into her hidden running belt, jogged out of the park, and went shopping for duct tape, a razor blade, paper clips, and another disposable phone. ~ Janet Evanovich

duct tape - real ~ Charlaine Harris

Look at her, the poor woman," Milo said compassionately, as he sealed her mouth with duct tape. "We need to deprogram her. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

If you had duct tape, you were prepared for anything. ~ Annie Barrows

Wine is to women as duct tape is to men, it fixes EVERYTHING! ~ Tanya Masse

A blanket could be used to fix your broken marriage. You'll also need duct tape, an empty car trunk, a getaway driver, and the most opportune moment to snatch your mother-in-law away to never be seen or heard from again. ~ Jarod Kintz

Want me to roll you?" Tom asked. "Not funny." But Prophet was rock hard. Tom stalking over to him and crowding him wasn't helping. "You still have that duct tape?" "Yeah. Why?" "Come on, bebe. Let's play gator." Prophet hated the way his body responded yes - eagerly - to that question. "Think you wanna. 'M'I wrong?" Tom's drawl was thick as hell, went right down Prophet's spine, as the man's hand snaked around Prophet's waist and pushed his own hard cock against Prophet's cargo pant-clad one. "Yes. ~ S.E. Jakes

So I Lyfted to Home Depot, where I bought random stuff, rope and duct tape, plastic bags, cable ties, and plastic gloves. The girl at the register winked and said she's also a big fan of Fifty Shades and this is what has become of our society. Fucking and killing are the same damn thing. Now ~ Caroline Kepnes

They've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house. ~ Argus Hamilton

What's that sticky stuff called?
Basta: Duct tape.
Yes, duct tape. I love duct tape. ~ Cornelia Funke

I seriously needed an extra-strength magic pillow, because my ba refused to stay put. [And no, Sadie, I don't think wrapping my head in duct tape would've worked either.] ~ Rick Riordan

She held out her right hand, palm up. "Duct tape." She did the same with her other hand. "M&M's. If I can't fix whatever's wrong with those two things, I'm going home and getting back into bed. ~ Sofie Kelly

No one tape her deepest gifts through shame, guilt or anger. In fact, if you come from obligation, others smell the sadness in your blood and they will run the other way, ~ Tama Kieves

Very often when I go in to meet for movies or pilots, I'm put on videotape. I hate the notion that that tape is going to sit on a shelf and never get better. ~ David Ogden Stiers

The mystery lies in the here and now. The mystery is: What is one to do with oneself? As you get older you begin to realize the trick time is playing, and that unless you do something about it, the passage of time is nothing but the encroachment of the horrible banality of the past on the pure future. The past devours the future like a tape recorder, converting pure possibility into banality. The present is the tape head, the mouth of time. Then where is the mystery and why bother kicking through the ashes? Because there is a clue in the past. ~ Walker Percy

I adore the work of Stephen Sondheim. I like musicales in general. They make surprisingly great running tapes. ~ Laura Lippman

Britannia, that unfortunate female, is always before me, like a trussed fowl; skewered through and through with office-pens, and bound hand and foot with red tape. I am sufficiently behind the scenes to know the worth of political life. I am quite an Infidel about it, and shall never be converted. ~ Charles Dickens

I used to have the 'Best Of Eddie Murphy' VHS tape that I wore out completely, watching it over and over again. His 'Buckwheat Sings' is, to this day, one of my all-time favorite sketches on the show. I also loved the one where he plays the Tooth Fairy. ~ Taran Killam

Now and then, someone would accuse me of being evil - of letting people destroy themselves while I watched, just so I could film them and tape-record them. But I didn't think of myself as evil - just realistic. ~ Andy Warhol

The situation got worse when they came back to her apartment after and someone put on music. An advert interrupted during a moment when I was the person nearest the laptop, and so somebody said to me - quite threateningly, I felt - Put something else on. Obviously I forgot every song I have ever heard in my entire life. In one swift tug, like the tablecloth trick where everything is supposed to remain on the table gone wrong, every name of every artist disappeared too. The only keywords I could think of were the ones on a toy keyboard-and-tape-recorder combo I'd been given as a child, and I hadn't known their meaning even then. Bossa nova, for example.

I said I couldn't think of anything, any music, except silence, and retreated to the corner of the room, pretending to busy myself by scouring the bookcase there, which held little gatherings of figurines as well as Mizuko's many books. ~ Olivia Sudjic

Anyone could see the ticker tape. It was more frightening than the that never stopped calculating the national debt. This one said '27 SHOPPING DAYS TO CHRISTMAS'.
It might as well have said '27 DAYS TO ARMAGEDDON'. ~ Jeanette Winterson

I think 'The Wire' really is relatable. It reflects an ongoing issue across America, about inaccuracies in major cities between rich and the poor and some of the things that go on behind the red tape of council and government bodies. ~ Idris Elba

It would be inappropiate, undignified, at 38, to conduct friendships or love affairs with the ardour or intensity of a 22 year old. Falling in love like that? Writing poetry? Crying at pop songs? Dragging people into photobooths? Taking a whole day to make a compilation tape? Asking people if they wanted to share your bed, just for company? If you quoted Bob Dylan or TS Eliot or, god forbid, Brecht at someone these days they would smile politely and step quietly backwards, and who would blame them? Ridiculous, at 38, to expect a song or book or film to change your life. ~ David Nicholls

So it's mix and match. Hold your line when you really feel something you're saying is wonderful and you really want to get this point across and prove it to your partner by just throwing it into the tape and letting it speak for itself. ~ Art Garfunkel

Cloud storage in data centers will utilize the latest developments in physical storage virtualization, deduplication and other methods to make the most effective use of physical storage assets. Software defined storage could allow a further level of abstraction and cost effectiveness. The vast bulk of content stored "in the cloud" will reside on large SATA interface HDDs with some on magnetic (mostly LTO) tape (particularly for "archives.") ~ Tom Coughlin