Derek Landy Quotes

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Quotes About Derek Landy

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Do not do that!" it said. "I have a delicate heart!"
"That it keeps in a jar on its desk," Clarabelle whispered loudly. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
Lament turned to Skulduggery. "Do you want me to hold your hand?"
"I'd rather you didn't."
"Perfectly understandable," Lament said. ~ Derek Landy
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He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked.
"That's it?"
He looked up. "Sorry?"
"Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town."
"It's got a car alarm."
"Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?"
"No. It's a pretty good car alarm. ~ Derek Landy
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Have to be honest with you Darquesse, I cannot feel that. That must be one of your special abilities, because to me, it looks like you just killed a whole bunch of people for no reason."
"Oh," said Darquesse. "That's so sad ~ Derek Landy
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She's actually a friend of yours... Myosotis Terra. And you wouldn't know, actually. Or to be precise, you wouldn't remember. - Skulduggery (Myosotis Terra) ~ Derek Landy
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Serpine: Well, Skulduggery? Where is that tired old defiance - the taunting, the goading? Where are the endless heroic clinches? Aren't you going to look me in the eye and tell me to do my worst?
Skulduggery: Actually, I was going to ask that you go easy on me. I'm feeling kind of tender today
Serpine: This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is
Skulduggery:OK
Serpine: Really?
Skulduggery: No, only joking. Do your worst. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
I need a weapon," Valkyrie muttered.
"You're an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained in
a variety of martial arts by some of the best fighters in the world," Skulduggery pointed out. "I'm fairly certain that makes you a weapon."
"I mean a weapon you hold. You have a gun, Tanith has a sword ... I want a stick."
"I'll buy you a stick for Christmas. ~ Derek Landy
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I mean you ACRES of harm,' Dalrymple growled. 'Untold QUANTITIES of harm. I will visit a whole CONTINENT of harm upon you before we are through. ~ Derek Landy
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What does a clue look like?" Tanith whispered.
Stephanie fought the giggle down and whispered back. "I'm looking for a footprint or something."
"Have you found one yet?"
"No. But that's probably because I haven't moved from this spot."
"Maybe we should move, pretend we know what we're doing."
They started to walk, very slowly, still looking straight down. ~ Derek Landy
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The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car. ~ Derek Landy
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I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering. ~ Derek Landy
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Zombies were an accident - much like champagne and penicillin, but much less welcome. Necromancers weren't working on a way to turn people into shambling pieces of unintelligent rot- - Kenspeckle ~ Derek Landy
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Please forgive me, Pleasant said, then aimed the gun at the girl and pulled the trigger. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
Wow," she said. "It's like you're teaching me something and being all wise."
"You are not easy to get along with," Skulduggery said. ~ Derek Landy
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Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to. ~ Derek Landy
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In that movie, Mr Miyagi has Daniel doing all these mundane tasks like painting the fence and waxing the car, then later Daniel does the same moves and finds out it's kung fu. You have me doing all of these fighting moves ... If I find out later that what you're actually doing is teaching me how to paint fences and wax cars, I'm not paying you, you understand? - Scapegrace ~ Derek Landy
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Well, to put it delicately, she has the power to suck out people's brains. ~ Derek Landy
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If you don't see me in five minutes, then I've probably died a brave and heroic death. ~ Derek Landy
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You are a known associate of the man called the Torment."
He shrugged. "News to me."
"What is?"
"That I know him."
"Know who?"
"What?"
"That you know the Torment?"
"Yeah."
"Then you do know him?"
"Yeah." Then quickly, "No."
"You don't know him?"
"I, no, I, no. Never heard of him."
"I hate to say this, Vaurien, but that's astoundingly unconvincing. ~ Derek Landy
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I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword. ~ Derek Landy
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Every human being who has ever lived has the same potential in them for good and evil. Mortal or sorcerer, it doesn't matter. Power has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Mevolent. Serpine. Hitler. Lord Vile. Darquesse. We're all the same." "You just put me on a list with Hitler." "You're going to start sulking again, aren't you? ~ Derek Landy
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His hair is huge! ... Look! ... It's just sticking up at odd angles! Like a demented porcupine! - Desmond, about Fletcher's hair ~ Derek Landy
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I don't need you sensitive, Skulduggery. I need you aloof and irresponsible and arrogant. That's why I love you. That's why I let you hang out with me."
"I'm truly blessed."
She grinned. "You love me, too. Once you admit it, everything will be better."
"They're about to hook up the Cube to the Accelerator," he said, and turned and walked off.
She followed. "You can't run from your feelings."
"I can walk from them. ~ Derek Landy
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Doesn't sunlight kill them? Doesn't it turn them to dust, or make them burst into flames or something?"
"Nope. Vampires tan, just like you and me. Well, just like you. I tend to bleach. ~ Derek Landy
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You're not used to early mornings, are you?"
He shook his head. "Early mornings were invented by the system to keep the people occupied. But not me. I'm on to them. They're not gonna catch me napping. Metaphorically, like. Obviously, they can catch me physically napping like, four or five times a day, but, metaphorically, I am so far beyond their reach. ~ Derek Landy
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Are there children out there?
Um, yes sir, they're all children.
Run a few down.
Sir?
Drive over a few of the little brats. That'll scare 'em off. ~ Derek Landy
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You make a good point,' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I ... '
'Don't?'
'Exactly,' he said happily. ~ Derek Landy
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Here lies Valkyrie Cain, who died heroically after falling of a train." At least it rhymed. ~ Derek Landy
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We do what we must. We do what we can. We do what we will. We do what we... We don't do what we won't. - Scapegrace ~ Derek Landy
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Sanguine: You mind if I take pictures? Brought my own camera and everythin'
Valkyrie: Knock yourself out
Sanguine: Thanks
Valkyrie: No, really, run head first into a wall and knock yourself out ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
Stop hittin' me!" he cried. "This is hardly fair, now is it? Two of you against me?"
"You're the one who came at us with a gun," Ghastly said, standing over him.
"But that was for a giggle," Jack tried. "I wasn't aimin' at you, I swear. ~ Derek Landy
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Please just admit it," said Valkyrie. "You're going to miss me, aren't you?"
"Obviously," said Skulduggery.
"Thank you."
"Like a drowning man misses the land."
"A w w w ... "
"Like a hesitant man misses the chance."
"Yeah ... "
"Like an oblivious man misses the point."
"I have a feeling you're mocking me somehow, but I can't put my finger on how. ~ Derek Landy
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They called us the Dead Men because they said we weren't afraid of dying. ~ Derek Landy
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He crouched at the car window and looked in. 'What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one.' His finger jabbed the glass. 'That one's a bit ugly. ~ Derek Landy
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Are you kidding? I jumped off a building
of course I'm hurt. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
Skulduggery: The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives
Stephanie: It may depend
Skulduggery: Valkyrie--
Stephanie: Fine I'll go -
Skulduggery: Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monster. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant. ~ Derek Landy
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I'm in the mood for some fighting." "If there is," Stephanie said, handing him his gun, "here's something you can use." "Ah, bless. I've missed her. Do you have bullets?" "Uh, no." Skulduggery paused. "Excellent," he said, and tucked the gun away. ~ Derek Landy
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Sarcasm has always been the luxury of the ruling class. ~ Derek Landy
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And I have lifetimes inside me, I'm the girl you see standing here,and I'm a cranky old professor, and I'm a peace-loving man, and I'm a killer and a maid and a king and a peasant. I am a dozen more. You think you're old? You got nothing on me. ~ Derek Landy
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Sorry I called you Goat-molester," Virgil said. "It was the first thing that came into my head, honestly."
"I don't need your damn apology!"
"Then why are you here?"
"I came here to kick your ass!"
"You might want to do that from a standing position."
"Screw you! I'll get up in my own time! ~ Derek Landy
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I wasn't always who I am now. No one ever is. I've spent my entire lifetime becoming who I am. Finally, I'm here and I'm old. It's depressing, it really is. ~ Derek Landy
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Personally, I think knees should be kept for the eighth or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice surprise you know? 'oh, my darling, you have knees! I never would have thought ~ Derek Landy
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It had me," he said. "The shark had me. I was, literally, about to be torn in two. You saved me. In the nick of time, you saved me."
"You're welcome," Skulduggery said.
"I was talking to Valkyrie."
Skulduggery's head tilted. "But I'm the one who figured it all out."
Valkyrie grinned. "You're very welcome, Geoffrey, although I can't take all the credit. China helped, you know."
"But I carver the right symbol," Skulduggery said.
Scrutinous clasped Valkyrie hand in his. "If there is anything I can do for you in the future, anything at all, do not hesitate to ask."
Skulduggery looked at him. "Can I ask, too?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Valkyrie cared that I was being attacked. You told me to shut up."
"That's because your screaming was very annoying. How is that my fault? ~ Derek Landy
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Mostly we've had to found ways to amuse ourselves."
"Really?" Valkyrie asked. "Like what?"
Plight's smile faded. "Like human sacrifice."
He grabbed one arm and Lenka grabbed the other and Valkyrie cried out.
Then they both let go. laughing.
"Naw," Plight said, we just play board games."
... "she fell for it!" gasped Lenka. "She fell for the human sacrifice bit! ~ Derek Landy
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Drive over a few of the little brats. That'll scare them off."
"I ... I don't think I can do that, sir ... I just don't think we're capable of going that fast, sir. ~ Derek Landy
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I love you.'
'I'm a little stuck for words here,' she said. 'I'm just trying to get my head around it, trying to find the right way for ... Okay, yeah, I have it now. Caelan, cop on to yourself.'
'But I love you.'
'Here we go.'
'When will you admit that you are in love with me too?'
'I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good looking and mildly stupid brick wall. Look, I like you okay? I think you're cute. You could probably ease up on the brooding self-loathing, though. That stopped being attractive a while ago. But, I mean, on the whole, I like you, and you like me-'
'I love you.'
'Yeah, well ... ~ Derek Landy
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Found something?"
"No, sorry. I thought I had, but, no, it turned out to be, uh ... more floor. ~ Derek Landy
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It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride. ~ Derek Landy
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So you've finally chosen a name."
"Yes. And I'm leaving. Right now."
"Maybe you stand some chance after all. Before you go, will you do me the honour of introducing yourself?"
"Of course," Stephanie said right before she walked out of the apartment. "My name is Valkyrie Cain. ~ Derek Landy
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It's a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don't you think?"
"It does much more that that," Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him.
His eyes widened. "What wonder is this?"
"It's called Angry Birds. Now do you believe me? ~ Derek Landy
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Are you taking my hat hostage? ~ Derek Landy
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Fletcher was always going to be your ex-boyfriend, from the moment you met him. He's just finally caught up with where he's supposed to be. ~ Derek Landy
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Ryan, you're not real. You don't exist ... You're Deacon Maybury," Skulduggery said. "You're a hiding place who thinks it's a boy. ~ Derek Landy
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I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall. ~ Derek Landy
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This isn't the first time I've used this, and the test subject showed no signs of impaired cognitive ability."
"Who was the test subject?" asked Aurora.
"I test everything out on myself before taking it into the field."
She stared at him. "You zapped your own brain?"
"And it didn't do me any harm apart from the dizziness and the vomiting spells and the weirdly persistent ringing in my ears. Also the blackouts and the mood swings and the creeping paranoia. Apart from that, zero side effects, if you don't count the numb fingertips. Which I don't. ~ Derek Landy
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It always surprised Valkyrie whenever she realized just how close the weird and the wonderful, and the fierce and the frightening, lived to the rest pf the non-magical, mortal world. ~ Derek Landy
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Dexter, please put your shirt on. Valkyrie's getting distracted."
"I'm not," she said, then smiled at Vex. "You don't have to put your shirt on. ~ Derek Landy
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Honesty is, honestly, the best policy," said Saracen. "But when honesty doesn't work, lie, and lie convincingly. ~ Derek Landy
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He glared at Gracious. "I can't believe you fell asleep."
"I didn't fall asleep."
"Then do you know if she's home or not?"
"I haven't a clue," Gracious admitted. "I fell asleep. ~ Derek Landy
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Well, OK then." He narrowed his eyes. "How about you? Do you have any ... romances I should know about?"
"Nope. Not one."
"Well, good. Excellent. There'll be plenty of time for boys when you leave college and become a nun."
She smiled. "I'm glad you have such ambitious dreams for me. ~ Derek Landy
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*After Skulduggery kills Valkyrie*
Skulduggery: This has been a good day so far, all things considered, I have the location of the Grotesquey and I got to kill Valkyrie, which admittedly is something I've been wanting to do since I met her, she can be incredibly annoying
Scapegrace: Um
Skulduggery: She hardly ever shut up, I pretended to be the friends with her, but honestly, I just felt sorry for the poor girl. Not the brightest you know.
Valkyrie: You're such a goon. ~ Derek Landy
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Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away. ~ Derek Landy
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Tanith?" Stephanie whispered. Tanith looked up. "You have something . . ." She pointed to her own head as a hint. "It's a leaf or something."
"Oh, thanks," Tanith said, and put her hand to her hair. She felt around until she found it and pulled it out. She examined it and frowned, looked closer, then her face contorted in disgust and she dropped it on the table. "Oh my God."
"What is it?"
"It's a piece of Hollow Man skin."
Stephanie blanched. "Oh, that's disgusting."
"It was in my hair," Tanith moaned. ~ Derek Landy
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Just leave her alone. You're annoying her.'
'I'm not annoying her. She doesn't even know how to be annoyed. She's, what, a week old?'
'She's three months.'
'She's three months in our years, but what is she in baby years? ~ Derek Landy
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This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is."
"Okay."
Serpine raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"No, only joking. Do your worst. ~ Derek Landy
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Right, well, we've got to work out what we need. We've got to work out what we need, how we get it, and what we need to get to get what we need. ~ Derek Landy
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I know you've got your guns and you're really good at being horrible to people, but do you seriously think you can threaten him?"
Milo frowned. "I'm not horrible to people."
"Really? You really don't think you're horrible to people?"
"No," he said, a little defensively. "I'm nice. Everyone says it."
"Oh man," said Amber. "People have lied to you. Like, a lot. ~ Derek Landy
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The door handle turned. Someone knocked, and a man's voice called, "Uh, hello?"
Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, looked back at the others, looked at Skulduggery again.
"Hello," Skulduggery said, speaking loudly to be heard over the alarm.
"Hi," said the man. "The door's locked."
"Is it?"
"Yes."
"That's funny" said Skulduggery. "Hold on a moment." He reached out, jiggled the handle a few times, then stepped back. "Yes, it's locked. You wouldn't happen to have the key, would you?"
There was a delay in response from the other side. "I'm sorry," the man called, "Who am I speaking with?"
Skulduggery tilted his head. "Who am I speaking with?"
"This is Oscar Nightfall."
"Are you sure?"
"What?"
"Are you sure you are who you say you are? This is the Great Chamber, after all. It's a very important place for very important people. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that someone, and I'm not saying that this applies to you in particular, but someone could conceivably lie about who they are in order to gain access to this room. I have to be vigilant, especially now. There's a war on, you know."
Oscar Nightfall sounded puzzled. Who are you?"
"Me? I'm nobody. I'm a cleaner. I'm one of the cleaners. I was cleaning the thrones and the door shut behind me. Now I can't get out. Could you try and find a key?"
"What's your name? Give me you name."
"No. It's mine."
"Tell me your name!"
"My name is Os ~ Derek Landy
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He does this on purpose," Stephanie's mother said as they sat in the car, seat belts on and ready to go. They watched him appear at the front door, shrug into his jacket, tuck in his shirt, go to step out, and then pause.
"He looks like he's about to sneeze," Stephanie remarked. ~ Derek Landy
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Where are you going?"
"Nowhere special. I just have some... things to do."
"Why did you pause?'
"I'm sorry?"
"You paused. You have 'some... things to do.'
"No reason, I just--"
"You're up to something."
"No--"
"Then why'd you pause?"
"Get in the car."
She got in. He got in.
"Seat belt," he said.
Why'd you pause?"
His head drooped. "Because I'm up to somthing."
"And why can't I come with you?"
"Because it's something sneaky."
"Do you promise to tell me later?"
"I do."
"Well all right then." She clicked her seat belt into place. "Let's go. ~ Derek Landy
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Well, yeah, but she looks, like, twenty-two. And she acts like a four-year-old. ~ Derek Landy
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And look at me now. Seriously. Look at what all that action and adventure has done to me. I'm a frickin' basket case. - Valkyrie ~ Derek Landy
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Have you ever heard of Remnants? - Skulduggery ~ Derek Landy
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Valkyrie dried her hands. "I'm not going to die anytime soon, Clarabelle."
"I like your coat by the way."
"Thanks."
"It's a little small for you though."
"Yeah."
"Can I have it when you're dead? ~ Derek Landy
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Do you think we'll be waiting long?" Valkyrie asked,
keeping her voice low.
"The last time we were in this building, we accused the
Grand Mage of being a traitor," Skulduggery said. "Yes, I think
we'll be waiting long. ~ Derek Landy
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Hello, Davina. You're under arrest for multiple accounts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?"
Marr remained unconscious.
"Splendid," Skulduggery said happily. ~ Derek Landy
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Valkyrie stood there and waited for her to start making sense.
"There is a vegetable-plant hybrid we've been working on, modifying the genes and receptors, mutating the proteins and acids so that they are, in effect, neurotransmitters. Our work on the synapses alone has been quite illuminating."
Valkyrie stood there and waited for her to start making sense. ~ Derek Landy
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They have a name for it these days. They have a name for everything these days. They call it Second Lifetime Syndrome, and it happens when a sorcerer watches her family and friends age and die around her. You'll latch on to other mages from that moment on, because what's the point of going through all that pain again? Valkyrie, there are some stark realities you have to face. You're going to look the way you do for the next eighty years. In two hundred years, you'll look twenty-five. You won't be able to form attachments to mortals. They will start to notice something is different about you when they're lined and saggy and you're still young and perky. You're going to have to say goodbye to your parents before they start to ask questions. ~ Derek Landy
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She is just Cat. She curls up on my chest whenever I sit down, and goes to sleep. I hope she doesn't miss me. I'm going to miss her. ~ Derek Landy
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Detective Harris smiled good-naturedly as he sat down. "Other Inspector?"
"The one who just left."
"Hmm? Who was that, then?"
"Detective Inspector Me."
"Detective Inspector You?"
"No, Me. That's his ... He said that's his name. You just passed him. He was with a girl on work experience and a boy with spiky hair."
Harris blinked at him. "I didn't pass anyone, Mr Dunne, and I'm the only Detective Inspector on duty right now."
Kenny stared at him. "Then ... then who the hell was I just speaking to? ~ Derek Landy
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Lil' Darlin - Billy-Ray Sanguine ~ Derek Landy
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Doors are for people with no imagination. ~ Derek Landy
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So this," she said, "what's happening and what's going to happen, this isn't your fault. You can't control everything and not everything is your responsibility. At Croke Park you said something about how you don't want to drag me around after you so I can die beside you. I wanted to tell you then, but I didn't have the words and I didn't have the time. I'm here because I choose to be. You save my life. I save yours. That's how we work."
"Until the end."
"Until the end. ~ Derek Landy
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So now you're on the run,' Warrick said wistfully. 'Travelling the Dark Highway, a lone wolf. With your friend, who is another wolf. Two lone wolves. Two wolves, really. Not really alone. Two wolves in a car. Travelling. One of them naked and bloody. The other with her ass hanging out. ~ Derek Landy
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Scientists are a cold-blooded bunch. Standing by while innocent people are killed, while the power you so generously donated is twisted and warped by the fragile little minds of the ordinary people. I can't believe you thought your plan would ever work. - Darquesse, to Argeddion ~ Derek Landy
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Wreath frowned. "Billy-Ray Sanguine? What would he want with a Soul Catcher?"
"This is just a guess," Skulduggery said, "but maybe he wants to use it to catch a soul. ~ Derek Landy
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You need to find yourself a new hero. - Skulduggery Pleasant. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
I'm almost finished," said Wilhelm, wiping out a line with his sleeve and drawing over it.
"I never doubted you for a moment," said Vex, then looked at Aurora and spoke more softly. "I actually doubted him the whole time. He's really not very good."
Wilhelm turned. "I'm standing right in front of you. I can hear literally every sound you make."
"Wilhelm, please," said Vex, "this is a private conversation. ~ Derek Landy
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Valkyrie: Do we have a plan?
Skulduggery: WE need to get the Grotesquery away from the bad guys, so we'll have to split up I'm going to leave, you're going to go hide under the van, wait until they load the Grotesquery in there, and then you're going to drive off under their noses
Valkyrie: What?
Skulduggery: It'll be really funny trust me ~ Derek Landy
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Valkyrie had never noticed this before, but walking was really, incredibly boring. She'd watched those Lord of the Rings films where they all went walking up and down mountains and it seemed so adventurous and purposeful, and they didn't look too tired and no one really complained and that Aragorn guy looked really sexy with his stubble and his long hair and what had she just been thinking about? Beards? Lord of the Rings? Walking, that was it. Walking and boredom. God, she was bored. "I'm bored," she said. "We know," said Skulduggery. "This looked a lot more fun on Lord of the Rings." "So you've said. ~ Derek Landy
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And The Darkness Rained Upon Them. The ~ Derek Landy
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I have sought you out to cure me.'
'To cure you of what?'
'Of this cursed affliction.'
'I cannot cure stupidity.'
Scapegrace frowned. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.'
'I missed you too, Thurid. ~ Derek Landy
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Her parents were sitting at the table, staring at the laptop.
She grinned. "You get it working? ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
You promise?"
"I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
He looked at her. 'In order to finish, I'll have to have defeated six Infected, Dusk, and Vengeous himself.'
Yeah. So?'
The Infected I can manage.'
She frowned. 'And Vengeous? I mean, you can beat him, right?'
Well,' he said, I can certainly try. And trying is half the battle.'
What's the other half?'
He shrugged. 'Hitting him more times than he hits me. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
I would love to have a battle of wits with you, Bison, but I doubt it would be a fair fight.'
'Shut your face.'
'Exactly my point. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
Strike from the shadows, disapear into darkness ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
I can be quite charming when I want to be. - Strom ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
You hear things."
"Do I?"
"People talk to you."
"I am very approachable. ~ Derek Landy
Derek Landy quotes by Derek Landy
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