Cult Abuse Survivor Quotes

People don't make decisions within these sorts of groups. They try to avoid more torture. Then they are tortured into thinking they made a decision of their own free will. ~ Wendy Hoffman

So often survivors have had their experiences denied, trivialized, or distorted. Writing is an important avenue for healing because it gives you the opportunity to define your own reality. You can say: This did happen to me. It was that bad. It was the fault & responsibility of the adult. I was - and am - innocent. The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis ~ Ellen Bass

Abused children as they grow to believe that they are damaged beyond repair. ~ Patricia Dsouza

Many survivors have such profound deficiencies in self-protection that they can barely imagine themselves in a position of agency or choice. The idea of saying no to the emotional demands of a parent, spouse, lover or authority figure may be practically inconceivable. Thus, it is not uncommon to find adult survivors who continue to minister to the needs of those who once abused them and who continue to permit major intrusions without boundaries or limits. Adult survivors may nurse their abusers in illness, defend them in adversity, and even, in extreme cases, continue to submit to their sexual demands. ~ Judith Lewis Herman

I'm a survivor. And I say this with so much pride I could burst into a million tiny pieces at your feet. ~ Trish Kaye Lleone

It was early in my career, and I had been seeing Mary, a shy, lonely, and physically collapsed young woman, for about three months in weekly psychotherapy, dealing with the ravages of her terrible history of early abuse. One day I opened the door to my waiting room and saw her standing there provocatively, dressed in a miniskirt, her hair dyed flaming red, with a cup of coffee in one hand and a snarl on her face. "You must be Dr. van der Kolk," she said. "My name is Jane, and I came to warn you not to believe any the lies that Mary has been telling you. Can I come in and tell you about her?" I was stunned but fortunately kept myself from confronting "Jane" and instead heard her out. Over the course of our session I met not only Jane but also a hurt little girl and an angry male adolescent. That was the beginning of a long and productive treatment. ~ Bessel A. Van Der Kolk

Still, it's never about staying a prisoner in your childhood, it's about your childhood occurrences, incidents and episodes staying fastened and chained inside of you. ~ Patricia Dsouza

My personal impression is that - Forgiveness is essential for recovery, it loses the power the abuser has over the survivor and allows them to heal. ~ Patricia Dsouza

I remember the pain I felt, and wonder why a man who was such an accomplished liar had to tell the truth that day. ~ Toni Maguire

I value and honor the way that my suffering brings me to further search and surrender. ~ Maureen Brady

More often than not, leaving a cult environment requires an adjustment period, not only to reintegrate into "normal" society but also to put the pieces of yourself back together in a way that makes sense to you. When you first leave a cultic situation, you may not recognize yourself. You may not know how to identify the problems you are about to face. You may not have the slightest idea who you want to be. The question we often ask children, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" suddenly takes on a new meaning for adult ex-cult members (p. 1). ~ Madeleine Landau Tobias

I was so moved that she remembered my birthday that I cried harder than I had in years. When I returned her call, she told me her computer was broken and she couldn't afford to replace it. My heart fell. As I had done so many times before, I went to her rescue. Still on the phone, I went online and bought her a new laptop, top-of-the-line. That was what she had really called for, She thanked me and hung up. I went to Casey, sobbing. Soon afterward, I closed the bank account and asked my mom to not ask me for any more gifts or money. Now my relationship with my mom is very limited, and it's still very painful for me. She continues to occasionally send me bills she can't pay. I respond by telling her that I love her but I cannot pay her bills. ~ Olga Trujillo

I do not subscribe to the abuse "victim" or "survivor" labelling mentality. I have experienced every kind of abuse imaginable and I am and always have been the most happy-go-lucky, positive and life affirming person around. Your labels do not serve you, so don't use them as an excuse to be miserable. You have a beautiful life to live, so accept the beauty and start living. ~ Miya Yamanouchi

Whatever your age, you are the right age to be coming out and telling your truth. Find someone to tell- and tell, tell, tell, until your lungs ache. Tell until you can't tell anymore. It won't take away what happened to you, but it will re-map your life and take away the power from the abuse and the abuser. You are strong and resilient. You are not alone. ~ Patti Feuereisen

The child turns up still trusting these lies to be the truth. ~ Patricia Dsouza

When I first started to remember specific memories of abuse, I felt like I had a storm cloud over me for about two or three days beforehand. When the memory finally surfaced, I felt like I was alone in a dark cave. I stayed in bed just thinking and crying and eating chocolate. I wrote in my healing journal and talked it out with a friend. I examined what I thought and how I felt and cried some more. It was agonizing. The more issues I faced, the stronger I got. It wasn't a pleasant process, but I knew it would be over in a few days and I would feel alive again. With each memory, I recovered faster and I had longer and longer breaks in between them. Facing them made me stronger. I was able to see more and more of the truth without it overwhelming me. Even though the memories increased in intensity, it was easier to deal with them. ~ Christina Enevoldsen

You are not the darkness you endured.
You are the light that refused to surrender. ~ John Mark Green

A perpetrator may have hurt someone for a few minutes of his/her life and may even regret it, but the survivor lives with the pain, triggers, shame and fear for a lifetime. ~ Mary E. DeMuth

I am free because I fought for freedom, I am a Survivor. ~ Patricia Dsouza

So often parents of abused children feel helpless. When a child falls, and scrapes her knees parents can erase the hurt by kissing it and putting a Band-Aid on it, but not so with the pain of sexual abuse. ~ Erin Merryn

Are you capable to truly distinguish the person you envision in the mirror? ~ Patricia Dsouza

Most of our informants [incest survivors] remembered their mothers as weak and powerless, finding their only dignity in martyrdom. ~ Judith Lewis Herman

A victorious person knows to own his failure, he is aware how to bring out good, even in the worst form of failures. ~ Patricia Dsouza

She can't move forward or backward. She is stuck in time. A constant. ~ Mina Rehman

I came to understand intellectually that my mind used dissociation as a way to protect me from knowing things. Dr. Summer repeatedly explained, "If you had woken up every morning and knew that later that day or evening you would be abused, you would have killed yourself". I would always nod, as if in agreement. It all made sense in a theoretical way, but I could not and did not want to truly understand or accept what had happened to me. ~ Olga Trujillo

While a psychiatric diagnosis can serve a purpose in treatment plans, it should not become a tool to discredit a person's disclosure of abuse. ~ Lee Ann Hoff

I look upon the gift of my life as a wondrous journey. ~ Maureen Brady

The most treasured gift you can present yourself today is a hand of assistance to liberate you from the prison of anxiety, fear, & stress so that you can set free. ~ Patricia Dsouza

From spending ten years in hell and coming to this regime of kindness was a shock. It was so much of a shock, it was unbelievable. I was like an untamed animal, I couldn't accept it and I just wouldn't accept it. ~ Stephen Richards

Coming to terms with incest is not easy. Learning to be a survivor, not a victim, gives new meaning to life ~ Lynette Gould

We are all born same, we are completely cute, innocent, sweet, and we need that reflection of ourselves as little human beings to live, and I was not receiving that from my mother but there was a caretaker who did give me that. ~ Anneke Lucas

I know you're in a world of pain, but that pain will lessen. At the beginning you can't see that. You can only see your pain and you think it will never go away.
But the nature of pain is that it changes - it changes like a sunset. At first, it's this intense red-orange in the sky, and then it starts getting softer and soften. The texture of pain changes as you work through it. And then one day, you wake up and realize that life isn't just about working through your incest; it's about living, too.
- survivor of child sexual abuse ~ Ellen Bass

Being survivors signifies that we have recognized that we have been through a lot that should never have taken place and we now hope to let our wounds heal and recuperate. ~ Patricia Dsouza

Miriam is upset. Her voice is stretched and I can't look at her. Perhaps they beat something out of her she didn't get back. ~ Anna Funder

I am building a healthy support system and learning to use it readily. ~ Maureen Brady

I remember the way love
used to glow on my skin
before he made his way in
now every touch feels like a sin ~ Andrea Gibson

Manipulation is majorly at play in sexual abuse. The kid is in full control, influenced, used completely for one's advantage, to work to the utmost. ~ Patricia Dsouza

An abused child never feels safe, growing up. The wrong that this child has gone through can never be seen or easily imagined by those who have never been abused. ~ Patricia Dsouza

One area where this misperception has hit hard has been research on child sexual abuse. Despite an explosion of research on the issue over recent decades, most research reported in the literature is focused on girls. There is significantly less attention given to boys, and, in fact, prior to 1980 it is difficult to find any research involving males who have been sexually abused. ~ Jan L. Frayne

Yes, you deserved a better childhood, but as a survivor of abuse, you certainly deserve a blissful life. ~ Patricia Dsouza

I see individuals whose lives have been so protected that they seem like pearls nestled in velvet jewelry cases. I cannot empathize. ~ Wendy Hoffman