Cracker Quotes

There ain't no coupe de Ville hidin' in the bottom of a Cracker Jack box. ~ Meat Loaf

I've had some terrible jobs, but working in a kitchen at Cracker Barrel is probably the worst I've ever had. I was a grill cook - awful! It wasn't the smell, it was the people. The music, too. We had to be 'country fresh,' so they played this terrible country music eight hours during the shift. It was a bleak existence - a very dark time. ~ Brittany Howard

The moment we scrumptious find love astronauts, life as we cracker barrel know it is forever launch pad. ~ Isabel Yosito

She was like a fire-cracker standing too close to a match: all potential energy, still wrapped up so neatly. He wanted to watch her explode. Hell, he was the match. He wanted to make her explode. ~ Christina Lauren

There were little triangles of coconut custard pie on a graham cracker crust for dessert, the best and sweetest thing ... ~ Joe Hill

F*ck a duck and sh*t on a goldfish cracker! ~ R.D. Cole

Shit, a hillbilly ho' MMA reality show? It could've aired right after Buckwild. All you'd need is an above ground swimming pool - one of those fancy ones from Sears with the wrap around decking - and you'd have the perfect cracker coliseum. Who wouldn't pay to see a couple spitting-mad, big-haired Daisy-Dukes kick the shit out of each other while some good-old-boys drank themselves stupid cheering them on? ~ E.V. Iverson

I've been a lot of places, and my wife, Denise, she likes a lot of the fancy restaurants. I'm more of a basic eater. I still go into Cracker Barrel. Those are the kind of people who like the kind of music I'm making. ~ Alan Jackson

Little bits were one of Dorey Jewett's gems: small, sweet lobster knuckles that were sautéed in butter. There were no herbs involved, just enough of a Ritz-cracker coating to absorb the butter for ease of eating. ~ Barbara Delinsky

You said electronic lock. I didn't know it was a TL-30X6." "I don't like your tone, Merlin. You sound very pessimistic. Maybe even defeatist." "Heller, listen to me. I brought my StrongArm safe cracker diamond-core drill bits, okay? But drilling through one of these, that's a five-hour job at least. That mother's made from inch-and-a-half-thick steel and cobalt-carbide matrix hardplate, okay?" "If you say so. ~ Joseph Finder

I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too. ~ Mitch Hedberg

Roth," muttered Zayne. He sounded closer, but I didn't want to take my eyes off the Alphas to check. "You might want to chill out a bit."
The Crown Prince smirked. "Nah. You want to know why? The Alphas could end me, but they're not going to."
Across from us, the Alpha who had spoken stiffened but didn't interrupt.
"You see, I am the favorite Crown Prince," Roth continued, his smirk spreading. "They take me out when I haven't done anything to warrant it and they'll have the Boss to contend with. They don't want that."
Surprise flickered through me. They couldn't just end Roth because of who he was? I'd always thought they could simply do as they pleased.
The Alpha who had been silent up to this point spoke. "There are rules for a reason. It does not mean we have to like them, so I'd suggest you do not push your luck, Prince."
Then Roth did the unthinkable. He raised his hand and extended his middle finger. "Does this count as pushing it, Bob?"
Crap on a cracker, he'd flipped off an Alpha! And he'd called the Alpha Bob! Who did that? Seriously? ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Mrs. Threadgoode pulled something out of the Cracker Jack box and all of a sudden her eyes lit up. "Oh Evelyn, look! Here's my prize. It's a little miniature chicken ... just what I like!" and she held it out for her friend to see. ~ Fannie Flagg

Ronan rummaged in his jacket pocket and removed a package of peanut butter crackers. He unwrapped one as the raven became suddenly attentive.
"Cracker," he said to her.
"Krek," she replied.
"Cracker," he repeated.
"Krek,"
"Cracker,"
"Kreker,"
He gave her one. "The other's if you get Opal. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

Show me the telegrams they sent you, one every day for six days while they were walking six hundred miles on their pigeon toes."
..
1. Feet are as good as wings if you have to. Chickamauga ...
3. In the night sleeping you forget whether you have wings or feet or neither. Chattahoochee ...
6. Pity me. Far is far. Near is near. and there is no place like home when the yellow roses climb up the ladders and sing in the early summer. Pity me. Wednesday Evening In The Twilight And The Gloaming.
..
Well, Wednesday Evening was the only one I noticed making any mention of the yellow roses in her telegram," Hatrack the Horse explained.
Then the old man and the girl sat on the cracker box saying nothing, only listening to the yellow roses all on fire with early summer climbing up th ecrooked ladders, up and down and crossways, some of them leaning out and curving and nearly falling. ~ Carl Sandburg

I want you to stop taking cracker dust." "And he says it isn't a righteous streak," Andrew mused, more to himself than to Neil. "If it was righteousness I'd ask you to give up drinking and smoking, too," Neil said. "I'm only asking for this one thing. It doesn't have any effect on you anyway and it's an unnecessary risk. You don't need a third addiction." "I don't need anything," Andrew reminded him, right on cue. "If you don't need it, it'll be easy to give it up," Neil said. "Right?" Andrew thought it over a minute, then flicked his cigarette at Neil. It singed the material where it bounced off his shirt. Neil ground it out under his shoe when it hit the asphalt. The cool look he flicked Andrew was wasted; Andrew's gaze had already drifted past him in search of something more interesting. "I'm going to take your temper tantrum as a yes," Neil said. "I'll bring the money by your room tonight. ~ Nora Sakavic

When someone dies, put up photos of them in happier times around the house. We had them everywhere when my granda died: on mirrors, back of the toilet door. That way, the image you had of them old and potentially ill is replaced by, in my case, a picture of me standing wearing a hat out of a cracker, beside my granda who is beaming in a brown cardigan. ~ Sarah Millican

So (if) some cracker come and tell you 'Well, my mother and father blood go back to the Mayflower,' you better hold your pocket. That ain't nothing to be proud of. That means their forefathers was crooks. ~ Al Sharpton

New Rule: Democrats must get in touch with their inner asshole. I refer to the case of Van Jones, the man the Obama administration hired to find jobs for Americans in the new green industries. Seems like a smart thing to do in a recession, but Van Jones got fired because he got caught on tape saying Republicans are assholes. And they call it news!

Now, I know I'm supposed to be all reinjected with yes-we-can-fever after the big health-care speech, and it was a great speech--when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here's the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.

It bothers me that Obama didn't say a word in defense of Jones and basically fired him when Glenn Beck told him to. Just like dropped "end-of-life counseling" from health-care reform because Sarah Palin said it meant "death panels" on her Facebook page. Crazy morons make up things for Obama to do, and he does it.

Same thing with the speech to schools this week, where the president attempted merely to tell children to work hard and wash their hands, and Cracker Nation reacted as if he was trying to hire the Black Panthers to hand out grenades in homeroom. Of course, the White House immediately capitulated. "No students will be forced to view the speech" a White House spokesperson assured a panicked nation. Isn't that like admitting that the president might be doing somethi ~ Bill Maher

I understand that it's disheartening to pour effort and money into a work of art and find that others do not value it with the same intensity. I've been to this rodeo more than a few times, and yes, it's painful and hard on the soul. It is also the sort of thing that grown-ups do every day. Anyone deluded enough to think they are owed monetary success because they bled for their art is in for some hard, hard knocks and buckets full of tears. There will be many cries of "unfair" and much jealousy and hatred. And to be fair, all authors go through this every time they watch their books ride the waves of bestseller charts and the ego torture chamber known as Goodreads reviews. Even the most well-adjusted of us watch that horrible piece of shit book beat our baby to pieces and gnash our teeth and shout at our monitors demanding to know what brain-donors are shopping on amazon.com these days.

But holy Smart Bitch on a cracker, Batman, to write a post about how stupid readers are and worse to actually put it out there on the internet is so beyond the pale there's a special hell for that kind of idiocy. Let me repeat: authors exist at the pleasure of readers. Without the people who buy and read my books, I am just another dizzy broad writing shit down. Readers aren't just an author's audience; they are her lifeblood.
-- ~ Heidi Cullinan

Growing up and going out to bars in Australia - people do random things; cheesy pick-up lines ... you got to laugh. It's sweet. Some people come up with cracker lines, and you really can't be mean to them. ~ Nicky Whelan

All I'm saying is if you're gonna have a cracker for a daddy, might as well be a Ritz cracker, right?" Levi ~ Tiffany Reisz

As the missile flew high above the moat-lake, there was a small, almost inaudible explosion, like that of a fire cracker meant for a child.

Lakshman's awe was quickly replaced by disappointment. He frowned. 'That's it? Is that the famed Asuraastra? ~ Amish Tripathi

You like a cracker?
What kind of cracker?
Graham, chocolate, cocoanut, whatever you want.
Maybe just a plain cracker.
I don't have plain crackers. I got graham, chocolate and cocoanut.
Alright, a graham cracker.
They're in the kitchen, in the closet.
Maybe later. ~ Neil Simon

The white cracker who wrote the National Anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word "free" to a note so high nobody could reach it. That was deliberate. ~ Tony Kushner

It was his sharp, assessing glare that got to her. It said, Beware. My teeth are bigger than yours and I bite harder. It made her want to chop off his cracker jacks, hang them around his neck like a sadistic necklace and say back, Big boy, you're the prey." ~ Jenna ~ Jessie Lane

The library is the biggest cracker box factory in the world. The more you eat, the more you want. ~ Ray Bradbury

Honestly, the pair of you" was Edward's response. I brushed cracker crumbs off my homework folder; I'd needed a snack after giving up most of my lunch. "Silly infants. Don't you know the way people see you has absolutely nothing to do with the way you actually look? Beauty is all sleight of hand. Just ask Holbein. Or Bobbi Brown."
"I thought Beauty was Truth," I said wearily. I had a headache, and three pages of French to translate.
"That is Keats. I am not overly fond of Keats. Had he not died so poetically early, people might have realized he was not quite what they thought he was."
"The same could be said of you," I shot back. I was a little annoyed by the "silly infants" comment.
"Oh, so clever. What's the worst-case scenario, should you give the Bainbridge boy a try?"
"Well,gosh.Lemme see." I ticked off a few possibilites on my fingers. "Humilation, humiliation, mortification, and humiliation."
Edward sniffed. "Qui craint de souffrir, il souffre deja de ce qu'il craint."
"And what does that mean?" I recognized it from the second page of my homework.
"Well,gosh,darling Ella.You'll just have to ask your new tutor, won't you?" he said silkily. Right before he went back to emulating a lump of metal. ~ Melissa Jensen

When I think of the farm, I think of mud. Limning my husband's fingernails and encrusting the children's knees and hair. Sucking at my feet like a greedy newborn on the breast. Marching in boot-shaped patched across the plank floors of the house. There was no defeating it. The mud coated everything. I dreamed in brown. When it rained, as it often did, the yard turned into a thick gumbo, with the house floating in it like a soggy cracker. ~ Hillary Jordan

I don't know what the big deal about Cracker Jack is. Did you ever go buy a pack of Cracker Jack, thinking you'd get a prize and find no prize in the box? (pause) Here's the pitch ... ~ Harry Caray

Hooka Tooka, my soda cracker, does your momma chaw tobacca? ~ Chubby Checker

I study the little creature in front of me. What is it about these dwarfish little humans? They lack smarts, lack skills and they never seem to have much money. Yet they are powerful little monsters – adults dance to the tunes played by their chubby little fingers. Is it the disproportionately big head? Or the eyes too big for that head? Did I have this effect on my own mother? Was that why she believed in my goodness, despite all evidence to the contrary?
Suddenly the lower lip pokes out and the eyes grow even bigger. I feel a tug in the region where my heart should be… I want to give it things…
Ahhhhhh! Look away! Look away! Evil, ensnaring, hypnotic monster.
Just kidding, but it is kind of cute. I feed it a cracker. ~ Eliza Crewe

So I would always try and be the lightest I could. In high school, I really wouldn't eat. I would only have lunch and I would only have salads. And then it got so crazy as to just eating like a cracker or a cucumber a day and I would feel full. ~ Nicole Polizzi

Crap on a cracker, this was bad. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

She looked at me with gentle indignation. She was what we have after sixty million years of the Cenozoic. There were a lot of random starts and dead ends. Those big plated pea-brain lizards didn't make it. Sharks, scorpions and cockroaches, as living fossils, are lasting pretty well. Savagery, venom and guile are good survival quotients. This forked female mammal didn't seem to have enough tools. One night in the swamps would kill her. Yet behind all that fragility was a marvelous toughness. A Junior Allen was less evolved. He was a skull-cracker, two steps away from the cave. They were at the two ends of our bell curve, with all the rest of us lumped in the middle. If the trend is still supposed to be up, she was of the kind we should breed, accepting sensitivity as a strength rather than a weakness. But there is too much Junior Allen seed around. ~ John D. MacDonald

Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside. ~ Janet Evanovich

Graham Cracker?" I said softly, turning my body toward him, moving a few inches closer.
"Yes, Lucille?" he replied, turning more toward me.
"Every word you've ever written becomes my new favorite story. ~ Brittainy C. Cherry

My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish. ~ Flip Wilson

We were so invisible as to be misrepresented even in caricature, lumped in with other sorts of poor whites, derogatory terms applied to us even if they didn't make sense. We lived on the open prairie, so we weren't "roughnecks" in oil fields; Kansas had a humble tap on oil thousands of feet below the prairie, but nothing like Oklahoma or Texas to the south. "Redneck" and "cracker" didn't quite translate, since their American usage was rooted in the slave South, against which Kansas had lit many of the fires that sparked the Civil War. ~ Sarah Smarsh

Tell me again what we're doing here," I said, running a continuous scan of our surroundings.
Fang popped some Cracker Jack into his mouth. "We're here to watch manly men do manly things."
I followed Fang's line of sight: He was watching the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, who were not doing manly things, by any stretch of the imagination. ~ James Patterson

Crap on a cracker," I breathed. ~ Autumn Doughton

The rest of us, not chosen for enlightenment, left on the outside of Earth, at the mercy of a Gravity we have only begun to learn how to detect and measure, must go on blundering inside our front-brain faith in Kute Korrespondences, hoping that for each psi-synthetic taken from Earth's soul there is a molecule, secular, more or less ordinary and named, over here - kicking endlessly among the plastic trivia, finding in each Deeper Significance and trying to string them all together like terms of a power series hoping to zero in on the tremendous and secret Function whose name, like the permuted names of God, cannot be spoken... plastic saxophone reed sounds of unnatural timbre, shampoo bottle ego-image, Cracker Jack prize one-shot amusement, home appliance casing fairing for winds of cognition, baby bottles tranquilization, meat packages disguise of slaughter, dry-cleaning bags infant strangulation, garden hoses feeding endlessly the desert... but to bring them together, in their slick persistence and our preterition... to make sense out of, to find the meanest sharp sliver of truth in so much replication, so much waste... [Gravity's Rainbow, p. 590] ~ Thomas Pynchon

I hate America. I hate this country. It's just big ideas, and stories, and people dying, and people like you. The white cracker who wrote the national anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word 'free' to a note so high nobody can reach it. That was deliberate. Nothing on earth sounds less like freedom to me. You come to room 1013 over at the hospital, I'll show you America. Terminal, crazy and mean. I live in America, that's hard enough, I don't have to love it. You do that. Everybody's got to love something. ~ Tony Kushner

There is a line from Dante that says, "The arrow seen before cometh less rudely." President John F. Kennedy put one aspect of the same thought into one of his state of the union messages this way: "The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining." The Boy Scouts say it best of all: "Be prepared." That isn't just cracker-barrel wisdom with us; it is theology. "If ye are prepared ye shall not fear." (D&C 38:30) ~ Jeffrey R. Holland

The fear of an unknown never resolves, because the unknown expands infinitely outward, leaving you to cling pitifully to any small shelter of the known: a cracker has twelve calories; the skin, when cut, bleeds. ~ Caroline Kettlewell

This is not how people behave in a Cracker Barrel! ~ Molly Harper

I'm not sure,' I said. 'I had a pretty bad reaction to a peanut butter cracker when I was three. A woman at my daycare had to use an EpiPen.'
'Does it freak you out?' Hershey asked. 'Knowing that you're one poor snacking choice away from death?'
I looked at her. Seriously? Who said things like that? ~ Lauren Miller

As a child, I spent a lot of time alone. I used to sit in my closet with one cracker. I'd pretend that I was on the North Pole freezing to death, and I had to somehow survive on this one tiny cracker. ~ Teri Hatcher

If you want to stay around here like death eating a soda cracker, that's your business. ~ Maya Angelou

On the other hand it was bad manners to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if you're getting it from an overweight cracker in a fringe shirt. ~ Ilona Andrews

The singing grew louder as they approached the church. It made Harry's throat constrict, it reminded him so forcefully of Hogwarts, of Peeves bellowing rude versions of carols from inside suits of armour, of the Great Hall's twelve Christmas trees, of Dumbledore wearing a bonnet he had won in a cracker, of Ron in a hand-knitted sweater… ~ J.K. Rowling

Collin! What a gorgeous name. Then again his name could have been Cracker Jack and I would have thought it was just as wonderful. ~ Nicole Gulla

He had a rough idea where he was going, since Rylann had previously mentioned that she lived in Roscoe Village. At the stoplight at Belmont Avenue, he pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through his contacts. The beauty of text messaging, he realized, was in its simplicity. He didn't have to try to explain things, nor did he have to attempt to parse through all the banter in an attempt to figure out what she might be thinking. Instead, he could keep things short and sweet.

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU.

He hit send.

To kill time while he waited for her response, he drove in the direction of his sister's wine shop, figuring he could always drop in and harass Jordan about something.

This time, however, she beat him to the punch.

"So who's the brunette bombshell?" Jordan asked as soon as he walked into the shop and took a seat at the main bar.

Damn. He'd forgotten about the stupid Scene and Heard column. Kyle helped himself to a cracker and some Brie cheese sitting on the bar. "I'm going to say…Angelina Jolie. Actually, no - Megan Fox."

"Megan Fox is, like, twenty-five."

"And this is a problem why, exactly?"

Jordan slapped his hand as he reached for more crackers. "Those are for customers." She put her hand on her hip. "You know, after reading the Scene and Heard column, I'd kind of hoped it was Rylann they were talking about. And that maybe, just maybe, my ne'er-do-well twin had decided ~ Julie James

We met in Cracker. I played a maniac fan who murders a policeman and she did my makeup. I thought anyone interested in me looking like that must have genuinely liked me. ~ Robert Carlyle

In order to understand the sequence of VIP canapés, we were taught a little etymology 101. At the French Laundry and Per Se, the whole range of amuse-bouches (literally translating to 'mouth amusers'), from soups to blini, is referred to as canapés. This is, however, not technically accurate. The word canapé comes from the French word for couch, and actually refers to the specific practice of resting a savory topping on a piece of toast or cracker like Mr. Bichalot's slippered feet on his chaise lounge, only infinitely more savory. ~ Phoebe Damrosch

They tasted a new snack called Cracker Jack and a new breakfast food called Shredded Wheat. ~ Erik Larson

it's hard to tell what it is and what it's not
Until it is something that you ain't got ~ Cracker

I'm so fucking tired of black women always being described by their skin tones! Honey-colored this! Dark-chocolate that! My paternal grandmother was mocha-tinged, café-au-lait, graham-fucking-cracker brown! How come they never describe the white characters in relation to foodstuffs and hot liquids? Why aren't there any yogurt-colored, egg-shell-toned, string-cheese-skinned, low-fat-milk white protagonists in these racist, no-third-act-having books? That's why black literature sucks! ~ Paul Beatty

Where the hell do you get your nerve?
From a Cracker Jack box. ~ Lora Leigh

I am a Russell Brand fan. I'm one of the few people who think he did a cracker-jack job in 'Arthur.' ~ Catherine Hicks

Jim pushed against my leg to peer inside. "Well, now, there's a sight you don't see every day."

"Voulez-vous cesser de me cracker dessuspendant que vous parlez," I said, my heart pounding wildly.

"There's the spitting-in-my-face saying," Jim said softly to itself.

"J'ai une grenouille dans mon bidet!" I growled.

"And the frogs."

"T'as une tete afaire sauter les plaques d'egouts," I wailed.

"Face like a manhole cover. Can merde be very far behind?"

"Merde!" I bellowed.

"You can say that again," Jim said. ~ Katie MacAlister

I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!" ~ Mitch Hedberg

These stubborn people and their demands were like cracker crumbs in my beard: irritating and flaky. ~ Penny Reid

There ain't no Coupe Deville hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. ~ Meat Loaf

What were you saying about the way I smell?" "It's like hot testosterone on a fuckin' cracker, sprinkled with cinnamon." ~Mariss ~ Tyffani Clark Kemp

I'm someone who's always on the go and crazy busy, so I like to keep snacks in my car and at the office, and Cracker Jack'd is a really yummy snack that I love. I definitely am a big snacker. ~ Ashley Tisdale

PANCAKES 3½ cups frozen hash brown potatoes 2 eggs (2 extra large or 3 small) ¼ cup grated onion (or ½ teaspoon onion powder) 1 teaspoon season salt ½ teaspoon black pepper 2 Tablespoons cracker crumbs (matzo meal or flour will also work) 1/8 cup butter (¼ stick, 1 ounce) for frying 1/8 cup good olive oil for frying Toppings for the Table: sour cream applesauce cherry sauce*** blueberry sauce*** apricot sauce*** Hannah's 1st Note: Great-Grandma ~ Joanne Fluke

So many of us had been armed that there were holsters and weapons scattered among the passed-out bodies like mercenary prizes in a fleshy Cracker Jack box. ~ Laurell K. Hamilton

That cracker made a lot of African-American millionaires. ~ Rush Limbaugh

I'm a Gemini, so there's two people in me. Straight up. There's the nerd who is totally zoned out in the studio, EQ-ing this kick drum, raising this snare one decibel, or swapping this high hat out for another. Then there's the other side who's a performer. I have to go out on stage and be electric, a fire cracker, just run around the stage and give a show. ~ G-Eazy

See my website, ffactor.com, for specific suitable cracker brands and other Miracle Carb-approved foods. ~ Tanya Zuckerbrot

It's a spinoff of the original Cracker Jack, but it's Cracker Jack'd. Frito Lay, when they asked me to be a part of it, I tried it, and I really like it. My favorite's the peanut butter and chocolate. ~ Ashley Tisdale

I know. You're a male escort, and you were on your way to your latest…what are female clients called? Not Johns…Jean's?"
He choked on his cracker, and Bree reached over and patted his back until his coughing fit passed. "Afraid not, darling." He wheezed.
"Male stripper?"
He snorted. "I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted by that."
"Some kind of business tycoon, right?" Bree asked. "A pretty Donald Trump?"
"Pretty? Oh dear."
Bree raised her hands. "Handsome. Handsome. Better? ~ E. Jamie

Sylvester Graham, he of the eponymous health-food cracker, claimed that a man who could make it to the age of thirty without giving in to the temptations of his sexual urges would be a veritable god. ~ Hanne Blank

You look like death eating a soda cracker. ~ Amiri Baraka

Crap on a cracker, he'd flipped off an Alpha! And he'd called the Alpha Bob! Who did that? Seriously? My ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Mrs. (Fanie Lou) Hamer, like her mother, also kept weapons nearby in case she needed them: 'I keep a shotgun in every corner of my bedroom & the first cracker even looks like he wants to throw some dynamite on my porch won't write his mama again. ~ Charles E. Cobb Jr.

I only see people taking their pickup trucks to Cracker Barrel. My brother Mike, like many other pickup owners, never seems to be picking anything up with his pickup. I find this confusing. It's like walking around with a big empty piece of luggage: 'Are you about to travel somewhere?' 'No, but I'm the type of guy who would. ~ Jim Gaffigan

Huh ... guess they didn't want a cracker after all. Another myth BUSTED ~ Kevin Hearne

Cracker Barrel's dining room bustled with activity. Joan had to raise her voice to be heard by Eve, who sat at the ~ Virginia Smith

Any idea why there is a giant penis made out of snow in our front yard?"
Instead of an answer, I was rewarded with a face full of graham cracker cereal and milk." - from Of Cheerleaders and Gingers ~ K.C. Beaumont

Nicknames are baseball, names like Zeke and Pie and Kiki and Home Run and Cracker and Dizzy and Dazzy. ~ Ernie Harwell

They saw even more ungodly things - the first zipper; the first-ever all-electric kitchen, which included an automatic dishwasher; and a box purporting to contain everything a cook would need to make pancakes, under the brand name Aunt Jemima's. They sampled a new, oddly flavored gum called Juicy Fruit, and caramel-coated popcorn called Cracker Jack. A new cereal, Shredded Wheat, seemed unlikely to succeed - "shredded doormat," some called it - but a new beer did well, winning the exposition's top beer award. Forever afterward, its brewer called it Pabst Blue Ribbon. ~ Erik Larson

This Diwali never forget my friend, every cracker you burn becomes the ink in the pen that will sign the death warrant for your children and all the children in the world. ~ Abhijit Naskar

At least with the Catholics, you know that when someone hands you a cracker there's gonna be wine in the mix at some point. ~ Peter Watts

We started to snack on MREs (military "Meals, Ready to Eat") we had in our packs. They were left over from the first deployment because no one ate MREs anymore. People were living in luxurious camps and eating meals prepared for them by kitchen staff. They had no need for MREs when they could have steak and lobster on Thursday nights. Well, we didn't have access to that. We weren't living in those camps. We were living in the midst of a war zone twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. So there we were with these old MREs that had been in extreme cold and then extreme heat a few times over. I opened mine up and squeezed cheese onto a cracker. The cheese was green. I scraped the putrid green cheese, the color of baby vomit, off and ate the cracker. I was hungry and had no other options. The other guys ate the expired MREs and started vomiting. Enough guys got sick that we were rushed some new kosher MREs. Yes, saved by the kosher meal option. ~ Noah Galloway

Lord, I never seen blue hair on a black woman before or since. Leroy say you look like a cracker from outer space. ~ Kathryn Stockett

We've got two kinds of language in our heads. The kind we're using now is
acquired. It patterns our brains as we're learning it. But there's also a
tongue that's based in the deep structures of the brain, that everyone shares.
These structures consist of basic neural circuits that have to exist in order to
allow our brains to acquire higher languages."
"Linguistic infrastructure," Uncle Enzo says.
"Yeah. I guess 'deep structure' and 'infrastructure' mean the same thing.
Anyway, we can access those parts of the brain under the right conditions.
Glossolalia -- speaking in tongues -- is the output side of it, where the deep
linguistic structures hook into our tongues and speak, bypassing all the higher,
acquired languages. Everyone's known that for some time."
"You're saying there's an input side, too?" Ng says.
"Exactly. It works in reverse. Under the right conditions, your ears -- or
eyes -- can tie into the deep structures, bypassing the higher language
functions. Which is to say, someone who knows the right words can speak words,
or show you visual symbols, that go past all your defenses and sink right into
your brainstem. Like a cracker who breaks into a computer system, bypasses all
the security precautions, and plugs himself into the core, enabling him to exert
absolute control over the machine."
"In that situation, the people who own the computer are helpless," Ng says.
"R ~ Neal Stephenson

Voters have soaked up a noggin full of negativity over the last twenty years, with an economy we had to bring back from collapse, plus terrorist attacks and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I don't want to belabor these points, but your listeners know what I'm talking about. I think the antidote is to appreciate what we have, enjoy where we live, and make a positive contribution to our communities. My Cracker Pride campaign is balanced by the spirit of Cincinnatus. He was a farmer and Roman general who was twice made dictator. And he had the forbearance to resign as dictator as soon as he had vanquished Rome's enemies. He became a civic ideal for good leadership. That's the spirit I want in my district and in my campaign. - Veda Rabadel, The Tea & Crackers Campaign. ~ Peter Prasad

Ah, what a beautiful illustration of the completely open mind - utterly undiscriminating, lacking any criteria for acceptance, blissfully and uncritically according every idea its full respect. But, of course, it's a lie: they don't regard every idea as equally deserving. They clearly consider the atheist idea that the sacraments of their faith are empty foolishness to be an outrage. Rather, what they love is the idea that everyone else must respect their beliefs, no matter what they are, and that any disagreement is an insult. This is exactly the kind of uncritical, unskeptical, nonjudgmental idiocy that all religions seek to promulgate, because they all know that if we tore off the blinders of tradition and artificiality and mindless etiquette, we'd see right through their lies. Respect every idea! Especially mine! And if you find stupid the idea that this cracker is a god, why, you must be disrespectful and no gentleman! My ~ P.Z. Myers

I'm staying right here," grumbled the rat. "I haven't the slightest interest in fairs."
"That's because you've never been to one," remarked the old sheep . "A fair is a rat's paradise. Everybody spills food at a fair. A rat can creep out late at night and have a feast. In the horse barn you will find oats that the trotters and pacers have spilled. In the trampled grass of the infield you will find old discarded lunch boxes containing the foul remains of peanut butter sandwiches, hard-boiled eggs, cracker crumbs, bits of doughnuts, and particles of cheese. In the hard-packed dirt of the midway, after the glaring lights are out and the people have gone home to bed, you will find a veritable treasure of popcorn fragments, frozen custard dribblings, candied apples abandoned by tired children, sugar fluff crystals, salted almonds, popsicles,partially gnawed ice cream cones,and the wooden sticks of lollypops. Everywhere is loot for a rat--in tents, in booths, in hay lofts--why, a fair has enough disgusting leftover food to satisfy a whole army of rats."
Templeton's eyes were blazing.
" Is this true?" he asked. "Is this appetizing yarn of yours true? I like high living, and what you say tempts me."
"It is true," said the old sheep. "Go to the Fair Templeton. You will find that the conditions at a fair will surpass your wildest dreams. Buckets with sour mash sticking to them, tin cans containing particles of tuna fish, greasy bags stuffed with rotten..."
"T ~ E.B. White

But, my dear sirs, when peace does come, you may call on me for any thing. Then will I share with you the last cracker, and watch with you to shield your homes and families against danger from every quarter. ~ William Tecumseh Sherman

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker. ~ Gary Gulman

I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: "whitebread". The other day, someone came up to me and said, "What's up, whitebread?" And I was like, "That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!" ~ Mike Birbiglia

And father said "I never wanted this. I'm sick of everyone pretending to be old Dan Beavers in his L. L. Bean moccasins, and his Dubbelwares, and his Japanese bucksaw -- all these fake frontiersmen with their chuck wagons full of Twinkies and Wonderbread and aerosol cheese spread. Get out the Duraflame log and the plastic cracker barrel, Dan, and let's talk self-sufficiency! ~ Paul Theroux

Usually while I lay in bed, I liked to think of new things I could do for Lynnie. Maybe I could let her try my pillow to see if she liked it better. Or I could bring her a new cracker she'd never tried. Or maybe I could even find a new book that she'd never heard of and read it to her, even though she had heard of every book in the world. That night I knew that nothing I could do would make her feel better. So I lay in bed and listened to her mournful noise and didn't feel love or hate or anger or anything at all except despair. ~ Cynthia Kadohata

His wife (although he didn't like to use that word, wife, because it made him think that he was now over thirty, which he was, but still, he didn't need to be reminded, and anyway, he still had his boyish good looks; in fact, the cashier at the grocery store had flirted with him just last night, and even though it could have been the fact that he was overawingly overdressed for a cheese-cracker run, he thought it was probably his aquamarine eyes because she had been virtually swimming in them) was taking the move to Henrietta better than he had expected. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

To prepare any activity for the child, it is necessary for the parent to think through every detail ahead of time. For example, is the cracker stiff enough to spread the peanut butter on or does it crumble with the pressure of spreading?...All of these difficulties become apparent in the preliminary practice period by the adult prior to a presentation to the child. ~ Paula Polk Lillard

Is that a fact, Miss Georgia Cracker? Maybe a gentleman does, but not a cowboy. The only time a real cowboy removes his hat is for a funeral, a wedding, or church. A cowboy likes to keep his hat close by in case he needs to get out in a real hurry. That thing you call a hat on your head is big enough for two barnyard owls to roost in. ~ Maggie Brendan

Christ on a cracker, he's pretty. ~ Christina Lauren