Cool Funny Quotes

Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle. ~ Laurie Halse Anderson

Mr. Idris Elba is amazing! He happens to be British, but what's funny about him is that when he's speaking in his American dialect, he looks like he's a brother from the 'hood. But as soon as he brings out that English thing, I'm like, 'Woo! You look like you're from London. Oh my God!' It's like everything on him changes. He's so cool! ~ Tasha Smith

He said "cool" like I say a Spanish word when I'm not sure of the pronunciation. ~ Kelley Armstrong

The very nature of cool is that you think about it too much and it becomes uncool. ~ Don Johnson

Justin Timberlake is everything, and what more could you want in a person? He's funny. He's cute. He's great. He just understands. I get him and he gets me, and that's cool. ~ Britney Spears

Making YouTube videos while I was in school, I was fortunate enough not to really have any negative repercussions from it. I had a lot of positive feedback from my friends, who thought they were great and thought they were funny and that what I was doing was really cool. ~ Connor Franta

People may feel that I am materialistic, ideal, idiot, cool, funny. Its not their perception but my projection and I always have my own reasons for my being. ~ Giridhar Alwar

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool. ~ Noel Fielding

What about a compromise? I'll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I'll apologize. ~ Rick Riordan

I no longer have the fear of being alone. It's cool to find out that you don't need a boyfriend to be happy. ~ Drew Barrymore

I think 'Elf' is funny, with Will Ferrell. That's a great Christmas movie. ~ Robert Osborne

Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis. ~ George W. Bush

One thing that's really delightful is my books tend to attract people who are funny, so I get the benefit of people writing me with things that crack me up. ~ Christopher Moore

No one messes around with a nerd's computer and escapes unscathed. ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

He tends to go for girls who are-Shelby, honey? Put your hands over your ears for just a sec." Back into the phone he said, "He likes the real slutty ones. Ow!" he yelled when he received a whop to the back of the head. ~ Robyn Carr

There was nothing to cool or banish love in these circumstances, though much to create despair. Much, too, you will think, reader, to engender jealousy: if a woman, in my position, could presume to be jealous of a woman in Miss Ingram's. But I was not jealous...Miss Ingram was a mark beneath jealousy: she was too inferior to excite the feeling. Pardon the seeming paradox; I mean what I say. She was very showy, but she was not genuine; she had a fine person, many brilliant attainments; but her mind was poor, her heart barren by nature: nothing bloomed spontaneously on that soil; no unforced natural fruit delighted by its freshness. She was not good; she was not original: she used repeat sounding phrases from books: she never offered, nor had, any opinion of her own. She advocated a high tone of sentiment; but she did not know the sensations of sympathy and pity; tenderness and truth were not in her. Too often she betrayed this...Other eyes besides mine watched these manifestations of character--watched them closely, keenly shrewdly. Yes; the future bridegroom, Mr. Rochester himself, exercised over his intended a ceaseless surveillance; and it was from this sagacity--this guardedness of his--this perfect, clear conciousness of his fair one's defects--this obvious absence of passion in his sentiments towards her, that ever-toturing pain arose.
I saw he was going to marry her, for family, perhaps political reasons, because her rank and connecions suited him; I felt he had no ~ Charlotte Bronte

Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman?" he smirked. "Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks? ~ Julie Kagawa

Meeting the Prince of Wales

Then I was asked to stay at the de Passes in July 1980 by Philip de Pass who is the son. 'Would you like to come and stay for a couple of nights down at Petworth because we've got the Prince of Wales staying. You're a young blood, you might amuse him.' So I said 'OK.' So I sat next to him and Charles came in. He was all over me again and it was very strange. I thought 'Well, this isn't very cool.' I thought men were supposed not to be so obvious, I thought this was very odd. The first night we sat down on a bale at the barbecue at this house and he'd just finished with Anna Wallace. I said: 'You looked so sad when you walked up the aisle at Lord Mountbatten's funeral.' I said: 'It was the most tragic thing I've ever seen. My heart bled for you when I watched. I thought, "It's wrong, you're lonely--you should be with somebody to look after you."'
The next minute he leapt on me practically and I thought this was very strange, too, and I wasn't quite sure how to cope with all this. Anyway we talked about lots of things and anyway that was it. Frigid wasn't the word. Big F when it comes to that. He said: 'You must come to London with me tomorrow. I've got to work at Buckingham Palace, you must come to work with me.' I thought this was too much. I said: 'No, I can't.' I thought 'How will I explain my presence at Buckingham Palace when I'm supposed to be staying with Philip?' Then he asked me to Cowes on Britannia and he had lots of older ~ Andrew Morton

Mosca usually kept Saracen on a muzzle and leash, but on their first night in Grabely a laughing ostler had made the mistake of assuming that if something waddles it is funny, and that if it is funny then it is harmless, and that if it is harmless there is nothing to be lost by removing its muzzle.... ~ Francis Harding

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.'
'And yet it is still extremely funny. ~ Cecelia Ahern

about four inches down, he suddenly came into a small chamber in the cool-damp sand and there lay eggs, many eggs, almost perfectly round eggs the size of table tennis balls, and he laughed then because he knew. It had been a turtle. ~ Gary Paulsen

If England had scored in the first half, I think the young legs would have found younger hearts inside them ~ Jimmy Armfield

Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where I might find the humour section. Peering over her granny glasses, she enquired, Humour studies would that be, sir? ~ Keith Waterhouse

The idea of winning a doctor's degree gradually assumed the aspect of a great moral struggle, and the moral fight possessed immense attraction for me. ~ Elizabeth Blackwell

I'm like the opposite of one of those comedians who's funny on stage and depressed behind closed doors . On record, I can get pretty dark, but in real life I'm very carefree. But when I'm happy, I ain't writing songs, I'm out having a laugh, being in love. I wouldn't have the time. If I ever get married, it'll be 'Darling, I need a divorce, it's been three years, I've got a record to write!' ~ Adele

Don't worry, I'm shielding you. When we crashed here and it first attacked me, I was caught with my mental trousers down. Not anymore. Psychic force field's intact. Belts and braces. Braces, by the way, are very cool. ~ James Goss

We started when I was in the fourth grade, which would have made me ten, I guess. It's different for everyone, but at that age, though I couldn't have said that I was gay, I knew that I was not like the other boys in my class or my Scout troop. While they welcomed male company, I shrank from it, dreaded it, feeling like someone forever trying to pass, someone who would eventually be found out, and expelled from polite society. Is this how a normal boy would swing his arms? I'd ask myself, standing before the full-length mirror in my parents' bedroom. Is this how he'd laugh? Is this what he would find funny? It was like doing an English accent. The more concentrated the attempt, the more self-conscious and unconvincing I became. ~ David Sedaris

I saw something stupid in the paper today. A new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like loud noises. Instead, it slowly hits you with light and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up. I already have one of those.. it's called a window. ~ Jay Leno

Maddox hissed. "You think you're cute?"
"Nah, I think I'm sexy." The smirk spread, but it didn't reach his cool ocher eyes. "And I also think I'm hilarious. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

I wasn't built for this," he yelled. "Look at me. You know it's true." And for the
first time, maybe ever, he didn't sound cool. He sounded a little panicked. And a
little angry. "I don't want to love someone so much that they take up all my head,
all my space. If I knew I was going to feel this way about you, I would have left a
long time ago, while I still could. ~ Rainbow Rowell

When I talk about rock n' roll, to me, that goes back to the beginning of the 1950s. Blue suede shoes and sideburns, man. Pink and black coloured clothes. Turn your collar up, comb your hair in ducktails. And the music was cool. It was a whole culture then - a different world. ~ Bobby Keys

Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ... ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

This is calm, cool, and collected, you little bitch. You don't want to see me pissed off. ~ J.R. Ward

I don't care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% of the female population). ~ Jarod Kintz

In the third cabinet under the counter, she hit the good stuff. "Oh! You have a KitchenAid."
"If you're planning on caressing my mixer, you should know that might make my testicles explode," he said from behind her.
Her cheeks went hot enough to glow. "That would be awkward. ~ Jamie Farrell

The covers slipped between them. Amelia shivered as the cool air wafted over her naked back and shoulders. "Come back to bed," she whispered. "I need you to warm me."
Cam stripped away his shirt, and laughed quietly as he felt her hands plucking at the buttons of his trousers. "What happened to my prudish gadji?"
"I'm afraid" - she reached into his open falls and stroked his aroused flesh - " that continued association with you has made me shameless."
"Good, I was hoping for that. ~ Lisa Kleypas

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone. ~ Reba McEntire

I was still hoping that it might be a phase, that I'd wake up the next day and be normal. In the best of times, it seemed like such a short leap. I did fantasize about having a girlfriend - never the sex part, but the rest of it I had down. I knew what she'd look like and how she'd hold her long hair back from the flame when bending over a lit candle. I imagined us getting married the summer after I graduated from college, and then I imagined her drowning off the coast of North Carolina during one of my family's vacations. Everyone needed to be there so they could see just how devastated I was. I could actually make myself cry by picturing it: How I'd carry her out of the water, how my feet would sink into the sand owing to the extra weight. I'd try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and keep trying until someone, my father most often, would pull me back, saying, "It's too late, son. Can't you see she's gone?"

It seemed I wanted to marry just so I could be a widower. So profound would be my grief that I'd never look at another woman again. It was perfect, really. Oh, there were variations. Sometimes she'd die of leukemia, as in the movie Love Story. Occasionally a madman's bullet would fell her during a hostage situation, but always I'd be at her side, trying everything in my power to bring her back.

The fantasy remained active until I was twenty. Funny how unimportant being gay became once I told somebody. All I had to do was open up to my best friend, and w ~ David Sedaris

I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. ~ George W. Bush

So many models have cool boyfriends. ~ Christine Teigen

Pritkin, it's a hotel room, not a death trap!" A glance over his shoulder showed him impatient blue eyes under a fall of messy blond curls. "Anyway, you're here."
"I can't protect you from everything," he forced himself to say, because it was true. It was also frankly terrifying in a way that his own mortality was not. He'd never had children, but he sometimes wondered if this was how parents felt when catching sight of a fearless toddler confidently heading toward a busy street. Not that his charge was a child, as he was all too uncomfortably aware. But the knowledge of just how many potentially lethal pitfalls lay in her path sometimes caused him that same heart-clenching terror.
And the same overwhelming need to throw her over his lap and spank the living daylights out of her, he thought grimly, when she suddenly popped out of existence. "Cassie! ~ Karen Chance

Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl. ~ Dylan Moran

I think working with Johnny Depp was very intimidating. It was my fault though. I mean he's a total cool nice, nice guy, but I was just so, I don't know, overpowered by his presence. Like he's a very mystic person. He's older so I never really warmed up around him. I was so stiff. ~ Franka Potente

Therehas been a thunder-storm; the ground, as far as the eye can reach, is covered with white hail; the clouds are gone, and overhead a deep blue sky is showing; far off a great rainbow rests on the white earth. We, standing in a window to look, feel the cool, unspeakably sweet wind blowing in on us, and a feeling of longing comes over us
unuterrable longing, we cannot tell for what. ~ Olive Schreiner

It's funny how much influence our parents have on us." "True. ~ Susan Wiggs

And we started flying. Sloooooowly.
"Yippee?" M-Bot said.
"It is kind of a letdown, isn't it? ~ Brandon Sanderson

There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood. ~ Bob Hope

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were. ~ Mort Sahl

In one of his puckish moods Saul talked the president of a university into letting him anonymously take an examination being administered to candidates for a doctorate in community organization. "Three of the questions were on the philosophy of and motivations of Saul Alinsky," writes Saul. "I answered two of them incorrectly. ~ Nicholas Von Hoffman

I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago."
"Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear? ~ MaryJanice Davidson

I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs. ~ Mark Rosen

I close my eyes to escape the burn. His eyes are so hot right now, I feel like I could be incinerated. The intense heat pouring off his body makes me think of Dax's cool touch. I'm sure it could kill, too, but it would be a quiet death, lulling you to sleep, promising life is better on the other side. Turner's touch, it simply sears and sizzles, melting me into nothing. Quick, painful, intense. I love it even though I don't want to. ~ C.M. Stunich