Constipation Quotes

If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior's hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems. ~ James Lileks

Modern war is fought by a number of strong, sweaty horsemen with constipation, who have their eyes on power, on wealth and on glory, and who obey the rules just when it pleases them. ~ Dorothy Dunnett

I hated meatloaf. It was like something that Satan pooped out after an eternity of constipation. So I told Mom because I was honest that way. I sat back, squared my shoulders, and met her eyes, all confident-like.
Mom, meatloaf's like something that Satan pooped out after an eternity of constipation. It should be outlawed, frankly, and serving it for dinner is like child abuse and should carry with it some pretty stiff penalties. ~ Hayden Thorne

The best cure for cranial constipation is emotional fiber. Feel 'something', anything.
Pain, anger, joy; if your heart goes eerily cold or leaps erratically from your chest, your synaptic bowels will soon find release. ~ Muse

If ever there was a season for constipation it was winter. ~ Anthony Marra

Then what is your name?" asked the announcer, his amphibious face wrinkled in clear agitation - or constipation. Hard to tell. The reminder that he didn't know his own name bothered him, but also gave him the perfect reply. "Call me Oblivion." "More ~ Eve Langlais

our outside loo, known as the Betty, was a good loo; whitewashed and compact with a flashlight hanging behind the door. I smuggled books in there to read them in secret, claiming constipation. ~ Jeanette Winterson

Abdominal Massage When I went to massage school and learned how to perform abdominal massage, I understood just how powerful it could be for relieving constipation and indigestion. You can perform massage on yourself, and I strongly encourage you to do it morning and night for five minutes. It will definitely improve your situation. Here's how to do it: 1. Lie down in a comfortable place, place a pillow underneath your knees, and put a little lotion or massage oil (such as my Belly Massage Oil) on your hands. 2. Beginning in your lower right pelvic area, gently apply pressure and massage in small circles, slowly moving upward toward your rib cage. 3. When you get to the right side of your rib cage, gently but firmly massage toward the outer edge of your left rib cage. 4. Work your way down the left side of your torso toward your groin area. 5. As you massage, you may find some areas that are tender when you apply pressure. Spend a little more time in those areas, massaging gently but ~ Tieraona Low Dog

He looks way too comfortable sitting there on my couch. A blond Adonis with his golden chest and sculpted muscles and perfectly chiseled face. If the hockey thing doesn't work out for him, he ought to consider going into modeling. Dean Di Laurentis oozes sexuality. He could slap his face on a laxative label and every woman in the world would be praying for constipation just to have an excuse to buy it. ~ Elle Kennedy

Haven't you heard? Constipation is the new black. All the cool kids are doing it. Or not doing it. ~ Gena Showalter

And if doctor says that you don't have IBS with constipation, you might want to get a second opinion, because I had doctors that were telling me ... of course, a lot of this has to do with science - progressing. ~ Cybill Shepherd

Vegetarians, dropping meat, tend to fill up with too much starch. This leaves them no more healthy than meat-eaters, with constipation, indigestion, colds, catarrhs, coughs and chest complaints to plague them. Eating sparingly of breads, cakes, crackers, cookies, macaroni, spaghetti, anything largely starch, is a far step on the road to good health. ~ Helen And Scott Nearing

Fang: "Let them blow up the world, and global-warm it, and pollute it. You and me and the others will be holed up somewhere, safe. We'll come back out when they're all gone, done playing their games of world domination."
Max: "That's a great plan. Of course, by then we won't be able to go outside because we'll get fried by the lack of the ozone layer. We'll be living at the bottom of the food chain because everything with flavor will be full of mercury or radiation or something! And there won't be any TV or cable because all the people will be dead! So our only entertainment will be Gazzy singing the constipation song! And there won't be amusement parks and museums and zoos and libraries and cute shoes! We'll be like cavemen, trying to weave clothes out of plant fibers. We'll have nothing! Nothing! All because you and the kids want to kick back in a La-Z-Boy during the most important time in history!"
Fang: "So maybe we should sign you up for a weaving class. Get a jump start on all those plant fibers."
Max: "I HATE YOU!!!"
Fang: "NO YOU DOOOOOON'T!!"
Voice: "You two are crazy about each other. ~ James Patterson

Learned researches lead to headaches, constipation, and befuddled quarreling. ~ Mason Cooley

Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation! ~ J.K. Rowling

…of constipation of the brain & diarrhea of the mouth. ~ Jack Kerouac

See pills of every shape and size, Such fascinating colors, too - Some green, some pink, some brown, some blue. 'All right,' she says, 'let's try the brown.' She takes one pill and gulps it down. 'Yum-yum!' she cries. 'Hooray! What fun! They're chocolate-coated, every one!' She gobbles five, she gobbles ten, She stops her gobbling only when The last pill's gone. There are no more. Slowly she rises from the floor. She stops. She hiccups. Dear, oh dear, She starts to feel a trifle queer. You see, how could young Goldie know, For nobody had told her so, That Grandmama, her old relation Suffered from frightful constipation. This ~ Roald Dahl

Nose-hairs gone: runny nostrils. Constipation and diarrhea alternating ~ Christopher Hitchens

It's the business of movies, it's the fights that go along with the level of budget, and more than anything, it's the creative constipation of having to live with one idea for two or three years. It's just not that fun. ~ Matt Stone

Don't worry, nothing's going to happen here. Skirmishes, pantomimes, and hypocrisy en masse for a while, that's for certain, but nothing serious. If we're unlucky, some idiot might go too far, but whoever holds the reins won't let anything get out of hand. It wouldn't be worth it. They'll be a fair amount of hullabaloo, but most of it will come to nothing. Records will be broken in the Olympic sport of coat turning and we'll see heroes merging from under the sofa. .. Its going to be like a long constipation. ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafon

If both you and your plane are on time, the airport is merely a diffuse, short, miserable prelude to the intense, long, miserable plane trip. But what if there's five hours between your arrival and your connecting flight, or your plane is late arriving and you've missed your connection, or the connecting flight is late, or the staff of another airline are striking for a wage-benefit package and the government has not yet ordered out the National Guard to control this threat to international capitalism so your airline staff is trying to handle twice as many people as usual, or there are tornadoes or thunderstorms or blizzards or little important bits of the plane missing or any of the thousand other reasons (never under any circumstances the fault of the airlines, and rarely explained at the time) why those who go places on airplanes sit and sit and sit and sit in airports, not going anywhere?
In this, probably its true aspect, the airport is not a prelude to travel, not a place of transition: it is a stop. A blockage. A constipation. The airport is where you can't go anywhere else. A nonplace in which time does not pass and there is no hope of any meaningful existence. A terminus: the end. The airport offers nothing to any human being except access to the interval between planes. ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

I've had it with you and your emotional constipation! ~ Washington Irving

The Times, whose editorial portentousness approached traumatic constipation, tried to suppress its glee under the bushel basket of feigned sadness that another civil servant had been caught in a sexual misadventure; they hadn't even bothered to use the word "alleged. ~ John Sandford

Now constipation was quite a different matter ... It would be dreadful for the whole world to know about troubles of that nature. She felt terribly sorry for people who suffered from constipation, and she knew that there were many who did. There were probably enough of them for a political party - with a chance of government perhaps - but what would such a party do if it was in power? Nothing, she imagined. It would try to pass legislation, but would fail. (p, 195) ~ Alexander McCall Smith

Hormones affect everything. Have you ever struggled with acne, oily hair, dandruff, dry skin, cramps, headaches, irritability, exhaustion, constipation, irregular cycles, heavy bleeding, clotting, shedding hair, weight gain, anxiety, insomnia, infertility, lowered sex drive, or bizarre food cravings and felt like your body was just irrational? It's not; it's hormonal. ~ Alisa Vitti

I wish that being famous helped prevent me from being constipated. ~ Marvin Gaye

To be a writer and know the pain of artistic block is to know real frustration (though it's not quite as bad as constipation)! ~ John D. Rhodes

Anyhow, he asks himself, what is an intimate secret? Is that where we hide what's most mysterious, most singular, most original about a human being? Are her intimate secrets what make Chantal the unique being he loves? No. What people keep secret is the most common, the most ordinary, the most prevalent thing, the same thing everybody has: the body and its needs, it maladies, its manias - constipation, for instance, or menstruation. We ashamedly conceal these intimate matters not because they are so personal but because, on the contrary, they are so lamentably impersonal. How can he resent Chantal, for belonging to her sex, for resembling other women, for wearing a brassiere and along with it the brassiere psychology? s if he didn't himself belong to some eternal masculine idiocy! They both of them got their start in that putterer's workshop where their eyes were botched with the disjointed action of the eyelid and where a reeking little factory was installed in their bellies. They both of them have bodies where their poor souls have almost no room. Shouldn't they forgive that in each other? Shouldn't they move beyond the little weaknesses they're hiding at the bottom of drawers? He was gripped by an enormous compassion, and to draw a final lune under that whole story, he decided to write her one last letter. ~ Milan Kundera

but giving baby too much solid food too quickly can lead to constipation. ~ Annabel Karmel

Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs. ~ Dane Cook

Sticking a straw up your butt won't get rid of the constipation. ~ Jess H

Constipation was one of the things she hated most in the world, on par with despicable men who commit domestic violence and narrow-minded religious fundamentalists. ~ Haruki Murakami

Quietly he read, restraining himself, the first column and, yielding but resisting, began the second. Midway, his last resistance yielding, he allowed his bowels to ease themselves quietly as he read, reading still patiently, that slight constipation of yesterday quite gone. Hope it's not too big bring on piles again. No, just right. So. Ah! Costive one tabloid of cascara sagrada. Life might be so. It did not move or touch him but it was something quick and neat. Print anything now. Silly season. He read on, seated calm above his own rising smell. Neat certainly. Matcham often thinks of the master-stroke by which he won the laughing witch who now. Begins and ends morally. Hand in hand. Smart. He glanced back through what he had read and, while feeling his water flow quietly, he envied kindly Mr Beaufoy who had written it and received payment of three pounds thirteen and six. ~ James Joyce

Ten-A-Fly took off his sunglasses as if they'd angered him. His scowl aimed for intimidation but seemed more in the neighborhood of constipation. "So ~ Harlan Coben

During the whole of the fucking Middle Ages, the place where they had it off most of all was the cemeteries! ... people don't face up these odd little sides of things, leave a lot of naughty little facts in the dark out of human decency! A mistake! wrong! ... human decency never holds up! ... with me it's my enemas! the toilet! after two weeks without an enema I have nothing against dying ... and they give it to me so hot that I scream ...
And in Claunau? [i.e. Dachau]
You're right, you're right! I whimper, but I'm spoiled! but were you there, in Claunau? ... My ass you were! doesn't stop you from screeching your fucking lungs out as if you were the first one in and the last one out! ~ Louis Ferdinand Celine

All the explanations proposed seem to be
only partly satisfactory. They range from massive climatic change to mammalian predation to the extinction of a plant with apparent laxative properties, in which case the dinosaurs died of constipation. ~ Carl Sagan

Stanton smiled. "I love you, buddy."
"You don't really have much choice in the matter."
"I know. I just wish I was more like you."
"You do not want to be a short Jew-boy in a sea of WASPy perfection."
"You know who you are and you never back down."
"I come from a people accustomed to adversity. It's in my genes."
"Well, I come from a people accustomed to denial and emotional constipation. ~ Brad Boney

It's normally agreed that the question "How are you?" doesn't put you on your oath to give a full or honest answer. So when asked these days, I tend to say something cryptic like, "A bit early to say." (If it's the wonderful staff at my oncology clinic who inquire, I sometimes go so far as to respond, "I seem to have cancer today.") Nobody wants to be told about the countless minor horrors and humiliations that become facts of "life" when your body turns from being a friend to being a foe: the boring switch from chronic constipation to its sudden dramatic opposite; the equally nasty double cross of feeling acute hunger while fearing even the scent of food; the absolute misery of gut–wringing nausea on an utterly empty stomach; or the pathetic discovery that hair loss extends to the disappearance of the follicles in your nostrils, and thus to the childish and irritating phenomenon of a permanently runny nose. Sorry, but you did ask... It's no fun to appreciate to the full the truth of the materialist proposition that I don't have a body, I am a body. But it's not really possible to adopt a stance of "Don't ask, don't tell," either. Like its original, this is a prescription for hypocrisy and double standards. Friends and relatives, obviously, don't really have the option of not making kind inquiries. One way of trying to put them at their ease is to be as candid as possible and not to adopt any sort of euphemism or denial. The swiftest way of doing this is to note that the thin ~ Christopher Hitchens

When people are collecting gold they aren't doing business ... Gold is constipation: even bankruptcy is more fluid. Gold isn't wealth: positions in markets are wealth. ~ Christina Stead