Braff Zach Quotes

I feel really bad for everyone who died on 9/11. Not just the people in the World Trade Center, Pentagon, or Flight 93, but all of the terrorists, too. 'Garden State' came out in 2004. That means none of them got a chance to see it. Let that sink in for a second. No wonder they're building a memorial. ~ Zach Braff

People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do? ~ Zach Braff

People always say The God Father is the #1 movie of all time. But ask yourself, did you see Zach Braff in it ... No you didn't. So then by default it goes to Garden State..and if youwatch two episodes of scrubs back to back that counts as the #2. ~ Zach Braff

After all meat is meat. I don't understand why so many people are bithing about it. It's very healthy and contains lots of vitamins ~ Zach Braff

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me. ~ Zach Braff

I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium. ~ Zach Braff

Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I'm the one that's being cheated, because the writer's strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too. ~ Zach Braff

I could see why someone would want to make a website about me, and my quotes. They are all gold. How many people have written, directed AND starred in their own movies. I just don't know why they would want to put words into my mouth, I mean I did write, direct AND star in a critically acclaimed movie. ~ Zach Braff

Let's face it, it's only called Scrubs because I'm saving 'Zach Braff' for my autobiography. ~ Zach Braff

She can't say no if she's unconscious. ~ Zach Braff

Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined. ~ Zach Braff

I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own. ~ Zach Braff

I know every politician spins the truth a little. ~ Zach Braff

I'm 26 years old, and I've spent my whole life waiting for something else to start. Now I realize that this is all there is, and I'm going to try to live my life like that. ~ Zach Braff

You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn't comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors. ~ Zach Braff

I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more. ~ Zach Braff

The way I write is that I'll actually have a conversation out loud with myself. In a weird way, I just kind of get schizophrenic and play two characters. ~ Zach Braff

I'm not the kind of person who digs through things other people have thrown away. ~ Zach Braff

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs. ~ Zach Braff

It's a give and take relationship with my fans. They give me love and adoration, and I take it from them. ~ Zach Braff

There's a lot of gray area in the law. Who can say, without a doubt, that I was in the wrong? ~ Zach Braff

Sometimes I regret not being Catholic. I think I'd make a pretty good saint. ~ Zach Braff

I'd always fantasized about writing a new play. Even when I had all this success in television, what I was daydreaming about in my dressing room is that one day I would do it. ~ Zach Braff

I really couldn't say how famous I really am, that's for the history books to decide. But I'll probably be pretty up there. ~ Zach Braff

Ever since I was little it was programmed into me that London is where great theatre occurs and all the big shows you love start there. ~ Zach Braff

Somebody approached me about writing a biography on me, I told them they were too late. ~ Zach Braff

I donno, it's not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine. ~ Zach Braff

My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages. ~ Zach Braff

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses. ~ Zach Braff

Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence. ~ Zach Braff

I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me. ~ Zach Braff

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats. ~ Zach Braff

I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this. ~ Zach Braff

I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie. ~ Zach Braff

It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading. ~ Zach Braff

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion. ~ Zach Braff

They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me. ~ Zach Braff

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section. ~ Zach Braff

If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay! ~ Zach Braff

I mean, what's eleven million people now days? ~ Zach Braff

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals. ~ Zach Braff

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar. ~ Zach Braff

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers. ~ Zach Braff

It's just people trying to get on TV, not like it's really going to do them any good since people can just watch me. ~ Zach Braff

It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance. ~ Zach Braff

For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know? ~ Zach Braff

Yeah i saw An Inconvenient Truth, and i dont want to say it was preachy but let's not kid ourselves, i've got far more important work to do ~ Zach Braff

Yeah, the gay pride movement is precious and all, but I think it's about time we asked ourselves what gay people really have to offer to society. ~ Zach Braff

Of course killing people is 'wrong', but I think history shows that sometimes it serves the greater good. ~ Zach Braff

I don't think it's that bad, I mean, I love people following me around and helping me do stuff. ~ Zach Braff

At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent uncle tom. ~ Zach Braff

I love music and I love musicians and when I hear something that's great, I always say it's like you go to a movie and you can't wait to tell your friends about it. ~ Zach Braff

I don't want to be one of those guys, but Snape DOES kill Dumbledore. ~ Zach Braff

People are always going to find fault with anything you do, any process that you're a part of. The creative process means taking risks, I've taken risks and I've made mistakes, but the bottom line is, could anyone else have done any better ? I have to believe that what I created was worthwhile. ~ Zach Braff

If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they're going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans. ~ Zach Braff

Is 'Garden State' the next 'Citizen Kane'? Of course not. I'd like to think we aimed a little higher than that, frankly. ~ Zach Braff

Ya know, Hitler was this evil, evil man. But with the World Bank and Israel manipulating America, he might have been on to something ... ~ Zach Braff

I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning. ~ Zach Braff

Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one. ~ Zach Braff

I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup. ~ Zach Braff

You always see actors complaining about being typecast and ruining their career. Really, I don't see the point in complaining. If the only role you can play well is a black dude, you're never going to get ahead in this town, and you should just accept it. ~ Zach Braff

You know, I've occasionally tried to watch other shows besides Scrubs, but comparing them is a bit like me competing in the special Olympics. Obviously I would win without contest, but the point is that they are trying their best. ~ Zach Braff

Yeah i thought about making the character of JD gay ... But then i thought, but what about all the poor girls dreams you'll be crushing ~ Zach Braff

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation. ~ Zach Braff

I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morning. When he got to the ticket booth it turned out there was only one ticket left; the manager was there and wanted to give it to me instead since I was famous. That's when I knew I'd hit it big. ~ Zach Braff

I find it hard to believe that so many people doubt the existence of God. I mean, seriously, I'm here, so is it such a stretch to imagine that another all-powerful being could exist somewhere in the universe? ~ Zach Braff

Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift. ~ Zach Braff

It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while. ~ Zach Braff

The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same as hitting your employee or wife, and the issue become pretty clear when you think about it that way. ~ Zach Braff

I don't think restaurants should refuse to serve minority people. They are quite tasty when prepared correctly. ~ Zach Braff

I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff ~ Zach Braff

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people. ~ Zach Braff

I could be one if I wanted to, I'm just way too overqualified for a job that simple. ~ Zach Braff

I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra. ~ Zach Braff

I use the N word almost daily. It reminds me that I'm successful ~ Zach Braff

Now, I'm not going to be misquoted on this like I have numerous times before, so I'll be quite clear. I've never said hitler was my hero, just that if he had focused on more than one race he would have had the right idea. Try to turn that one against me. ~ Zach Braff

I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life. ~ Zach Braff

I'm grown ass man and grown ass men can do whatever they want, got it? ~ Zach Braff

It's trust issue more than anything. I mean, whats stopping them from teaming up, dressing up like a really tall person in a trenchcoat, and then BAM. They sneak out with all your furniture ~ Zach Braff

They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it? ~ Zach Braff

There is one person I can think of better than me. And that's Zach Braff. What a cool guy. ~ Zach Braff

I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper. ~ Zach Braff

You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics ... ~ Zach Braff

I think they're bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded America really is, and I refuse to take part in it. ~ Zach Braff

It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty. ~ Zach Braff

Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me ~ Zach Braff

In a perfect world, everybody would be gay. I mean if everybody looked like Zach Braff, you just wouldn't be able to resist. ~ Zach Braff

I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves. ~ Zach Braff

The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me. ~ Zach Braff

I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me. ~ Zach Braff

I really like just super dry comedy. ~ Zach Braff

I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need? ~ Zach Braff

I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'. ~ Zach Braff

I think I suffer from some mild depression. ~ Zach Braff

When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times. ~ Zach Braff

I'm putting myself out there in a way I don't know if I ever have before. ~ Zach Braff

Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust. ~ Zach Braff

People keep asking me whether I'm going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I'm like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was. ~ Zach Braff

Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early? ~ Zach Braff

People still make New Year's resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people a chance to hope that they can become as great as me someday. ~ Zach Braff