Book Humour Quotes

Please Note:
Although it is true that some have
been captured; we would like to
assure you that no thoughts, or
images, have been harmed during
the making of this book. ~ Clive Blake

It may take a village to raise a baby, but hell! it takes an army to produce a book. ~ Sara Sheridan

The other girl, Iko, cupped her chin with both hands. This is so much better than a net drama. ~ Marissa Meyer

I'm waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh's pharmacist writes a book. ~ Carl Hiaasen

I just wanted to be the first one to fly for America, not because I'd end up in the pages of history books. ~ Alan Shepard

- Where is Polonius?
- In heaven; send hither to see: if your messenger find him not there, seek him i' the other place yourself. ~ William Shakespeare

Book the First - Recalled to ~ Charles Dickens

Regardless of who leads it, the professional-class liberalism I have been describing in these pages seems to be forever traveling on a quest for some place of greater righteousness. It is always engaged in a search for some subject of overwhelming, noncontroversial goodness with which it can identify itself and under whose umbrella of virtue it can put across its self-interested class program.

There have been many other virtue-objects over the years: people and ideas whose surplus goodness could be extracted for deployment elsewhere. The great virtue-rush of the 1990s, for example, was focused on children, then thought to be the last word in overwhelming, noncontroversial goodness. Who could be against kids? No one, of course, and so the race was on to justify whatever your program happened to be in their name. In the course of Hillary Clinton's 1996 book, It Takes a Village, the favorite rationale of the day - think of the children! - was deployed to explain her husband's crime bill as well as more directly child-related causes like charter schools.

You can find dozens of examples of this kind of liberal-class virtue-quest if you try, but instead of listing them, let me go straight to the point: This is not politics. It's an imitation of politics. It feels political, yes: it's highly moralistic, it sets up an easy melodrama of good versus bad, it allows you to make all kinds of judgments about people you disagree with, but ultimately it's a diversion, a ~ Thomas Frank

I always have humour in my action movies. I think characters that make jokes under fire are more real. It somehow helps put you in their shoes. ~ Shane Black

Who am I? is not a question about your job or bank balance. Don't be satisfied with rational or formal answers. Ask yourself seriously and honestly, again and again, and, sooner or later, you'll hear the voice of your soul. The true answer will come to you, breaking through the thick curtain of your ego, which is made up of your name, job, personality, and similar things. ~ Ilchi Lee

A woman with super long platinum blonde hair, a fake tan, injected bubble gum pink lips, and a large boob job came in. Phoebe showed her where to set up in front of us and we all sat patiently.
"Hello, I'm Tandy" I almost rolled my eyes at her name, given her appearance. She placed a case on the coffee table in front of us, opened it, and pulled out rubber penises. I almost shot my drink out of my nose, again. "I will be instructing you on proper blow job technique."
"Oh my God, Phoebe." I shouted at her.
"Yeah," Viola clapped her hands and reached out to be the first to get a rubber practice penis. ~ Sadie Grubor

It took an error in his training and a Christian lab partner to redeem him. ~ Susan Lower

The only difference between men and women in science is that the women have the babies. This makes it more difficult for women in science but should not be seen as a barrier, for it is merely another challenge to be overcome. ~ Rosalyn Sussman Yalow

The terrible threat against life, he said in his book God Is Not Yet Dead, is not death, nor pain, nor any variation on the disasters that we so obsessively try to protect ourselves against with our social systems and personal stratagems. The terrible threat is "that we might die earlier than we really do die, before death has become a natural necessity. The real horror lies in just such a premature death, a death after which we go on living for many years."[6] ~ Eugene H. Peterson

Tell him that I am quite specifically in desperate need of a redheaded bastard."
Julius blinked. "And that will help, will it? ~ K.J. Charles

Books won't stay banned. They won't burn. Ideas won't go to jail. In the long run of history, the censor and the inquisitor have always lost. The only sure weapon against bad ideas is better ideas. The source of better ideas is wisdom. The surest path to wisdom is a liberal education. ~ Alfred Whitney Griswold

Critics ought never to be consulted, but while errors may yet be rectified or insipidity suppressed. But when the book has once been dismissed into the world, and can be no more retouched, I know not whether a very different conduct should not be prescribed, and whether firmness and spirit may not sometimes be of use to overpower arrogance and repel brutality. ~ Samuel Johnson

Because He lives and was dead He has the keys of Hell and of death. By virtue of His humiliation He reigns. For the suffering of death He is crowned with Glory and honor. The heavenly host proclaim His worthiness to take the Book and open its seven seals, singing, "For You were slain and have redeemed us to God by Your blood." He descended that He might ascend above all things and fill all things! He laid aside His Glory that He might be crowned with this new Glory and honor and might have all things put under His feet as the Son of Man. We speak, therefore, of Jesus Christ the Risen One, who once died, but has now risen from the tomb and quit this earth for the splendors of the New Jerusalem. ~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon

I try to do that in this book without preaching - to try to do as you just said that you really have to defend the First Amendment rights of everybody. ~ Floyd Abrams

[F]or whenever I had taken in hand any Greek or Latin book, or had heard anything worth remembering, I used to jot down whatever took my fancy, of any and every kind, without any definite plan or order; and such notes I would lay away as an aid to my memory, like a kind of literary storehouse, so that when the need arose of a word or a subject which I chanced for the moment to have forgotten, and the books from which it had taken it were not at hand, I could readily find and produce it. ~ Aulus Gellius

You are quite right in saying that the influence of poetry and literature appears at this moment diminishing rather than increasing. The newspapers have a good deal to do with this. The Times, which has much improved again, is a world, and people who read it daily hardly feel the necessity for reading a book; yet reading a book - a good book - is a discipline such as no reading of even good newspapers can ever give. But literature has in itself such powers of attraction that I am not over anxious about it. ~ Mathew Arnold

Harriet Beecher Stowe was thirty-nine when she began Uncle Tom's Cabin. She had given birth to seven children and seen one die. She wrote her book to be serialized in an abolitionist newspaper. Much of it she composed on the kitchen table in between the cooking, mending, tending to her house. ~ Sophy Burnham

18"And when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself in a book a copy of this law, approved by [40] the Levitical priests. 19And it shall be with him, and he shall read in it all the days of his life, that he may learn to fear the LORD his God by keeping all the words of this law and these statutes, and doing them, 20that his heart may not be lifted up above his brothers, ~ Anonymous

My childhood wasn't easy. I buried myself in books. I guess I'm a recovering book addict. ~ Katherine Reay

The thing is, Iris, I've never liked the idea of compromise. In films and in stories people who love each other - really love each other - make horrendous sacrifices. They give kidneys they move across the world they die. Or become the undead because you know I like that sort of book. Basically the heroine's lover calls and she answers. Which is stupid. You know why "
Iris shook her head.
"Because he's always fucking calling. ~ Nicole Peeler

ARTHUR: Yellow car.
DOUGLAS: What?
ARTHUR: Nothing. Just – yellow car.
MARTIN: Why did you say 'yellow car'?
ARTHUR: There was a yellow car.
MARTIN: But why did you say 'yellow car'?
ARTHUR: You've got to say 'yellow car' when there's a yellow car.
MARTIN: Why?
ARTHUR: That's how you play Yellow Car.
MARTIN: We're not playing Yellow Car.
ARTHUR: You're always playing Yellow Car.
DOUGLAS: And how, though I fear I can guess, does one play Yellow Car?
ARTHUR: Right well, imagine you're driving along –
MARTIN: We are driving along.
ARTHUR: Oh yeah, okay, so now you look at the cars as they come along in the other direction, and they're all different colours. So, uh, for instance, now, uh, that one's white; that one's blue; that one's a sort of metally grey –
DOUGLAS: And when you see a yellow car, you say 'yellow car'.
ARTHUR: How did you know?
DOUGLAS: A wild stab in the dark!
MARTIN: And then what?
ARTHUR: You start again!
DOUGLAS: So how does it end, this game?
ARTHUR: It never ends.
DOUGLAS: That's very much what I feared. ~ John Finnemore

A book is a medium for recording information in the form of writing or images, typically composed of many pages (made of papyrus, parchment, vellum, or paper) bound together and protected by a cover.[1] The technical term for this physical arrangement is codex (in the plural, codices). In the history of hand-held physical supports for extended written compositions or records, the codex replaces its immediate predecessor, the scroll. A single sheet in a codex is a leaf, and each side of a leaf is a page. ~ Lynda

The attentive reading of a book is really a continuous commentary, a succession of notes that emanate from the inner voice. ~ Paul Valery

Bezos ultimately concluded that if Amazon was to continue to thrive as a bookseller in a new digital age, it must own the e-book business in the same way that Apple controlled the music business. "It is far better to cannibalize yourself than have someone else do it," said Diego Piacentini ~ Brad Stone

Peter held up the book he had been reading: 'Moby-Dick; or, The Whale'.
"To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure this is English," Peter said. "It's taken me most of today to get through a page. ~ Justin Cronin

Prose Poems from my book SPAN
OBSERVATION
So, we may not be able to explain the world. Not exactly. But we can accept it, and love it. We can turn our faces to the light and examine the minutest details simply for the sake of it. We can live lives of joy and purpose. We are all part of one whole. Take comfort in this. Almost every one of us is capable of holding a cup to another's lips without our hands shaking. ~ Jay Woodman

By the way, Doc Edwards said. How's that book coming along?
Oh, it's coming along.
Fine. What's it about?
Just what I'm writing down: one word after another.
Good. ~ Richard Brautigan

There's a moment of recognition. It's that white-light kind of stuff that just 'works.' I love that. And you know it when it happens, whether it's a movie, music, a building, a book. ~ Barbara Kruger

So while I dedicated this book to myself, it's also dedicated to you. Male or female, young or old, if you're reading this book, then you're also that child reading by flashlight and dreaming of other worlds. Don't be scared of her, that inner Beauty, or her dreams. Let her out. She's you, and she's me, and she's magic.
There's no such thing as living happily ever after - there's only living. We make the choice to do it happily.
You are the Firebird. And above everything else, I'm most grateful for you. ~ Meagan Spooner

It is quite reasonable to subscribe both to the old saw that no good girl was ever ruined by a book and to the perception that it is not good for children to be constantly exposed to the sexual violence in our popular culture. Protecting children seems to me logically, legally, and rather easily differentiated from censorship ... ~ Molly Ivins

Jacki Smith is a masterful artist of magickal candles. I've enjoyed her blend of strong magickal intentions and great smelling scents in her products. To have her wisdom in a book is a treasure! ~ Christopher Penczak

God who knows all things, I have no prayer book and I do not know any prayers by heart. But you know all the prayers. You are God. So this is what I am going to do. I am going to say the alphabet, and I will let you put the words together. ~ Neil Gaiman

You are a half-blood," Zoe Nightshade said. Her accent was hard to place. It sounded old-fashioned, like she was reading from a really old book. "One of thy parents was mortal. The other was an Olympian."
"An Olympian athlete?"
"No," Zoe said. "One of the gods."
"Cool!" said Nico. ~ Rick Riordan

A piece of art - this goes for a painting or a sculpture or a book or whatever - really shouldn't have to do with the set of expectations that the viewer or the audience or the reader brings to that work. It should just have to do with how they interpret it and whether they like it or not. ~ Max Kellerman

We stopped to browse in the cases, and now that William - with his new glasses on his nose - could linger and read the books, at every title he discovered he let out exclamations of happiness, either because he knew the work, or because he had been seeking it for a long time, or finally because he had never heard it mentioned and was highly excited and titillated. In short, for him every book was like a fabulous animal that he was meeting in a strange land. ~ Umberto Eco

Everything I'm going to present to you was not in my textbooks when I went to school ... not even in my college textbooks. I'm a geophysicist, and [in] all my Earth science books when I was a student - I had to give the wrong answer to get an A. ~ Robert Ballard

There was something strangely compelling about a Japanese guy with lamb-chop sideburns and a voice so shrill you could be forgiven for thinking his testicles were wired to the national grid. ~ Jamie Holoran

For what are the classics but the noblest thoughts of man? They are the only oracles which are not decayed, and there are such answers to the most modern inquiry in them as Delphi and Dodona never gave. We might as well omit to study Nature because she is old. ~ Henry David Thoreau

You don't chatter half as much as you used to, Anne, nor use half as many big words. What has come over you?" Anne coloured and laughed a little, as she dropped her book and looked dreamily out of the window, where big fat red buds were bursting out on the creeper in response to the lure of the spring sunshine. "I don't know - I don't want to talk as much," she said, denting her chin thoughtfully with her fore-finger. "It's nicer to think dear, pretty thoughts and keep them in one's heart, like treasures. I don't like to have them laughed at or wondered over. And ~ L.M. Montgomery

Richard Price, who has made a fortune writing fake ghetto books, says he takes a cab into the ghetto, transcribes Black speech for a brief time and returns home. His fake ghetto books have bought him a townhouse in Gramercy Park and home on Staten Island. ~ Ishmael Reed

I had always thought of Paradise / In form and image as a library. ~ Jorge Luis Borges

I can't believe that we are calculating the amount of light years used to travel Space-Chase Model 3.0 to Pluto!" shrieked Alice, bouncing up and down in a totally undignified way for her 14-year-old self. "I'm sure what you just said makes perfect sense to you." grumbled Olivia,as she glared at the marble-white,slippery floor of the CAST lobby. Alice stared at her with aggravation. She'd once read a book on face reading, and Olivia's emotions rung clear- It wasn't fair that she was here,and not at home,downloading a hot new song on iTunes or something. Everybody here was totally spaced out. ~ Chloe Gadsby-Jones

For my grandchildren . . . and all children - this book is written with hopes of the time to come, when no child shall lie down in terror or waken to hunger, but shall know himself as a being of unique value in a safer and kindlier world. ~ Carlos P. Romulo