Behrendt Fgs Quotes

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. ~ Greg Behrendt

A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it. ~ Greg Behrendt

Don't spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything
related to his feelings for you ~ Greg Behrendt

Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities. ~ Greg Behrendt

I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want. ~ Greg Behrendt

I think probably - I think, you know, when you're first dating somebody, if they're just not that physical with you, if they don't want to make concrete plans with you, you know, if they're sort of ambiguous about where everything is going, I think that's a pretty good sign that they're not into you. ~ Greg Behrendt

So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates. ~ Greg Behrendt

Busy" is another word for "asshole. ~ Greg Behrendt

I always say that I love magic but I hate magicians. I like being fooled. If you wave your hands in front of my face and I think you're doing a trick, I'm easily impressed. If you pull a quarter out of my ear, I'm quite certain you're a wizard. But I don't like the way most magicians don't act like they're magical; they act like show business dicks. ~ Greg Behrendt

If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs. ~ Greg Behrendt

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh. ~ Greg Behrendt

What did heartbroken people do before phones? Come home and stare at the mailbox? Stand in their driveway and wait for the stagecoach? Run to the Western Union to see if anyone had Morse Coded them? Stare into the sky waiting for the messenger pigeon? ~ Greg Behrendt

He doesn't have to love your CD collection. He doesn't have to love your shoes. But any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family - especially when they're great. ~ Greg Behrendt

But what I can do is paint you a picture of what you'll never see when you're with a guy who's really into you: You'll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You'll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you're calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You'll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn't have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You'll be too busy being adored. ~ Greg Behrendt

Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear. ~ Greg Behrendt

If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will. ~ Greg Behrendt

I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs. ~ Greg Behrendt

Men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. ~ Greg Behrendt

One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning ~ Greg Behrendt

When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you'd like them to be. ~ Greg Behrendt

I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you. ~ Greg Behrendt

If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. ~ Greg Behrendt

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself ~ Greg Behrendt

I went to stand-up when my rock n' roll dreams weren't coming true. I knew it wasn't going to happen when I was in a New Wave band in 1992 - at the height of grunge. Then I heard No Doubt's 'Spiderwebs' and I said, 'Well, we're done.' They did - and succeeded at - what we were trying to do. ~ Greg Behrendt

Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he's getting on with his life without you? ~ Greg Behrendt

Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex. ~ Greg Behrendt

Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica? ~ Greg Behrendt

Let's start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there's something better out there is to first believe there's something better out there. What other choice is there? ~ Greg Behrendt

Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted. ~ Greg Behrendt

I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake. ~ Greg Behrendt

Because here's what guys don't do if they can't live without you: They don't break up with you. ~ Greg Behrendt

Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself. ~ Greg Behrendt

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book. ~ Greg Behrendt

So many of us find ourselves saying, "but he was so great!" Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on vacation. Things changed and it's important to remember that they did. ~ Greg Behrendt

I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I am, but when I watch myself, it doesn't make me laugh. Does that make sense? Because I know the jokes, and to me, I feel like I'm pulling the wool over people's eyes. And there are probably people who do not enjoy what I do. ~ Greg Behrendt

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won't keep you guessing,
because he'll want to make sure you don't get frustrated and go away. ~ Greg Behrendt

If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes. ~ Greg Behrendt

If the guy you're dating doesn't seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start 'figuring him out,' please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is. ~ Greg Behrendt

What sucks even more is getting hung up on the "what is he thinking and feeling?" shit. Does he miss me as much as I miss him? No. If he did, you'd know it by his actions. Is he seeing someone else? Maybe. Probably. Or at least he's planning on it. Again-it sucks, but if you get real about it you'll realize that knowing the answers to these questions still doesn't change the fact that your relationship didn't make the cut. ~ Greg Behrendt

Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people ... Because they'll let you down. ~ Greg Behrendt

I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter. ~ Greg Behrendt

Being a winner in life means finding a way to keep yourself in the personal space where you're being the best and most vibrant you instead of the smallest you. That is the secret to success in anything you want to do in life. That means not comparing yourself to anyone else and concentrating on you. Because when your self-esteem is in the shitter and you don't feel worthy, you look to others for validation, you settle for crappy things and all you get is crappy things and who wants that? ~ Greg Behrendt

Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time? ~ Greg Behrendt

I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie! ~ Greg Behrendt

There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree. ~ Greg Behrendt

Cheaters never prosper ~ Greg Behrendt