Attunement Quotes

mirror neurons create bonds of empathy, emotional attunement, and reciprocity between people. ~ Fran Cohen Praver

If a mother cannot meet her baby's impulses and needs, [quoting Donald Winnicott] 'the baby learns to become the mother's idea of what the baby is.' Having to discount its inner sensations, and trying to adjust it its caregiver's needs, means the child perceives that 'something is wrong' with the way it is. Children who lack physical attunement are vulnerable to shutting down the direct feedback from their bodies, the seat of pleasure, purpose, and direction. ~ Bessel A. Van Der Kolk

I am not sure how we came to believe that we know more about what our people need than they do. A core, culturally supported assumption about their brokenness may have something to do with it, and so might our left-dominant culture and training that makes it more challenging to be present to anyone's implicit experience. Many it is equally about our inability to trust our own inner wisdom to guide us because no-one helped us listen when we were young. Without this trust, we may get frightened for our people and the process, and such feelings bring on the need to assert control ...

experiment with the pause, remembering that our rupture and repair are optimal, trust will grow as we and our 'patients' stumble together into the tentative, fluid process of attunement with one another that supports the awakening of the inherent wisdom and health. ~ Bonnie Badenoch

Women are understood to have an advantage when it comes to embodiment as by their very nature they are considered to be closer to their bodies, more available to them. So here we have a turning of the tides: rather than the attunement to the body being an obstacle and a curse, it now becomes a spiritual advantage and a way of advancement. ~ Meghan Don

Since we began with a felt sense of safety this day, several neural streams are initially supporting the renewal of our connection.

In our midbrain, the energies of the SEEKING system are animating the CARE system, which can both foster the good feelings between us and support offers of repair should we have a rupture (Panksepp & Biven, 2012).

Once in connection, our ventral vagal parasympathetic system is affecting the prosody of our voices, our facial mobility, and the attentiveness of our listening, maintaining social engagement (Porges, 2011). Since ventral lateralizes to the right hemisphere, we more easily stay rooted in the right-centric way of attending that keeps us in connection with this moment and with each other (McGilchrist, 2009).

In this intimacy, our brains are coupling in many regions, so there is an experience of social emotional engagement and embodied communication as we become a single system in two bodies (Hasson, 2010).

Because we are trustworthy partners in this healing process, social baseline theory tells us that our amygdalae are calming just because we are together (Beckes & Coan, 2011).

All of this is happening without doing anything, even without saying anything, in microseconds below conscious awareness because of the safe space we have cultivated over time.

We can more clearly understand why Porges says, "Safety IS the treatment". ~ Bonnie Badenoch

Happiness isn't some thing in the material world that can be acquired and stored and used when needed or wanted. If it were, I'd give you a lifetime supply that would guarantee a happy life. No - happiness is an attitude that comes from within you. It's accessible when you place in your imagination an I am statement that reflects your attunement with the simple truth that happiness is indeed an inside job. Happiness is an inner belief that you bring to everyone and everything you undertake, rather than expecting your happiness to come to you from others or from your accomplishments and acquisitions. There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. ~ Wayne W. Dyer

As attunement to psychic (occult) reality has grown in America, one often misunderstood and secretive branch of it has begun to flourish also - magical religion ... ~ J. Gordon Melton

What opposes unites, and the finest attunement stems from things bearing in opposite directions, and all things come about by strife. ~ Heraclitus

For instance, have you heard of Rupert Sheldrake's work with dogs? He puts a time-recording camera on both the dog at home and the human companion at work. He has discovered that even if people come home from work at a different time each day, at the moment the person leaves work, the dog at home heads for the door. "Even mainstream scientists are stumbling all over this biocommunication phenomenon. It seems impossible, given the sophistication of modern instrumentation, for us to keep missing this fundamental attunement of living things. Only for so long are we going to be able to pretend it's the result of 'loose wires.' We cannot forever deny that which is so clearly there. ~ Derrick Jensen

refers to the many branches of the vagus nerve - Darwin's "pneumogastric nerve" - which connects numerous organs, including the brain, lungs, heart, stomach, and intestines.) The Polyvagal Theory provided us with a more sophisticated understanding of the biology of safety and danger, one based on the subtle interplay between the visceral experiences of our own bodies and the voices and faces of the people around us. It explained why a kind face or a soothing tone of voice can dramatically alter the way we feel. It clarified why knowing that we are seen and heard by the important people in our lives can make us feel calm and safe, and why being ignored or dismissed can precipitate rage reactions or mental collapse. It helped us understand why focused attunement with another person can shift us out of disorganized and fearful states. ~ Bessel A. Van Der Kolk

In mediumship, we cannot overlook the phenomenon of attunement. We attract Spirits that attune with us and to which we are also attracted. If it is true that each person gives according to what he or she has, then it is unquestionable that each one receives according to what he or she gives. ~ Andre Luiz

I repeat again: the male mind is egoistic. You have to learn the way of the feminine, you have to become egoless, you have to learn the path of surrender. You have to learn how to melt into existence, how to become one with the rivers and the mountains and the clouds, how to feel affinity, attunement, at-onement. And then slowly, slowly you become a host. The day you are a host, the Guest comes. ~ Rajneesh

If we trust that our inner world knows what is needed next, one outcome isn't preferable to another.

It is so easy for us to want healing to pursue a more linear path: Something arises and it would be best if we could stay with that.

There can be a sense of disappointment in therapist, patient, or both if the sensation doesn't return. This might be perceived as a lack in our patient's ability to maintain contact, a reflection of our inadequacy of a therapist, or simply discomfort that the therapy feels stuck. ~ Bonnie Badenoch

Happiness doesn't come and go, what comes and goes is your attunement to happiness. ~ Robert Holden

The opposite is beneficial; from things that differ comes the fairest attunement; all things are born through strife. ~ Heraclitus

If our hearts and minds are not properly transformed, we are like musicians playing untuned instruments, or engineers working with broken and ill-programmed computers. The attunement of the heart is essential to the outflow of grace ... We must aim at building the structures of God's kingdom but recognized that we will only create these through the transformation of our experience. Concentration on reformation without revival leads to skins without wine; concentration on revival without reformation soon loses the wine for want of skins. ~ Richard Lovelace

Daniel Siegel, a neuroscientist who has extensively studied interpersonal bonds, emotion, and self-regulation, writes of attunement (Siegel 2007, 290): "[S]uch resonant states feel good as we feel 'felt' by another, no longer alone but in connection. This is the heart of empathic relationship, as we sense a clear image of our mind in the mind of another. ~ Carolyn Daitch

I've set the intention that all who ask to receive attunements from me receive them perfectly and instantly the moment they call them in regardless if the attunement is prepared in the past, present or future and regardless of who the recipient is. ~ Chris Comish

The room was very quiet with that familiar deepening that arrives when something is happening underneath, beyond the words. ~ Bonnie Badenoch

People do not know how what is at variance agrees with itself. It is an attunement of opposite tensions, like that of the bow and the lyre. ~ Heraclitus

Survival is an art. It requires the dulling of the mind and the senses, and a delicate attunement to waiting, without insisting on precision about just what it is you are waiting for. ~ Marilyn French

There are so many valuable techniques for regulation, for exploring and integrating traumatic experience, and so on. Once we get to know these protocols, they may pull on us in ways that invite us to seize control of the therapy.

The other pathway suggests that her system holds the answers and that if I can offer enough safe support, it will likely begin to speak with us.

At least cognitively, I can recognize that this person's inner world contains much more information about the root causes of her upset than I do.

From this perspective, I am less interested in dealing with symptoms than moving towards making room for the implicit origin to emerge so that the protective systems can take care of themselves. ~ Bonnie Badenoch

if our attention is what we're going to do next to accomplish a specific goal (often decrease a symptom) rather than openness to what the other person is bringing to the moment, we have stepped into our left hemispheres and out of relationship- and our patient will feel that as a kind of subtle abandonment. This interchange will likely happen below the level of conscious awareness and yet lead our person to step back a bit internally, awaiting the arrival of true presence, without agenda or judgement, so that safety can arise in the space in between. At that moment, the healing power inherent in this co-organizing/co-regulating relationship arrives. We have been returning to this crucial distinction in these pages, as much as possible with ongoing compassion for the challenge we experience as we open to the right remaining consistently in the lead. ~ Bonnie Badenoch

In attunement, it is the infant who leads and the mother who follows. "Where their roles differ is in the timing of their responses," writes John Bowlby, one of the century's great psychiatric researchers. The infant initiates the interaction or withdraws from it according to his own rhythms, Bowlby found, while the "mother regulates her behaviour so that it meshes with his... Thus she lets him call the tune and by a skillful interweaving of her own responses with his creates a dialogue."

The tense or depressed mothering adult will not be able to accompany the infant into relaxed, happy spaces. He may also not fully pick up signs of the infant's emotional distress, or may not be able to respond to them as effectively as he would wish. The ADD child's difficulty reading social cues likely originates from her relationship cues not being read by the nurturing adult, who was distracted by stress. In the attunement interaction, not only does the mother follow the child, but she also permits the child to temporarily interrupt contact.

When the interaction reaches a certain stage of intensity for the infant, he will look away to avoid an uncomfortably high level of arousal. Another interaction will then begin. A mother who is anxious may react with alarm when the infant breaks off contact, may try to stimulate him, to draw him back into the interaction. Then the infant's nervous system is not allowed to "cool down," and the attunement relationship is hampered ~ Gabor Mate

How much respect I have for each person's system knowing what will support healing. Not everyone responds to the process of going directly into the body toward the root of implicit memory. For some, being consistently in the presence of a caring other provides disconfirmation for attachment losses. For others, sand tray or art may be the resonant support, or EMDR or Somatic Experiencing. So many modalities have emerged in recent years, primarily in response to our expanded understanding of the neuroscience of wounding and healing. Each way of working has value and may become even more supportive of our people if it rests on the practice of leading, following and responding. In this way we are able to cultivate a safe space for the fluid emergence of any specific protocol. ~ Bonnie Badenoch

Perhaps you think that by intimacy I mean sex, so allow me to clarify. Sex can be intimate but isn't necessarily so; sometimes it's just the pleasurable stimulation of genitalia. By intimacy I mean an attunement between two people who, despite each other's evident flaws, open their hearts fully to each other. This openness makes them vulnerable, so trust is key. So is self-love: It's impossible to be truly intimate with someone if you don't like yourself. ~ Jane Fonda

Emotional attunement between teachers and learners is highlighted, as well as the central role of storytelling in traditional and contemporary learning. Research has also found that exploration and play, usually consigned to less important after-school activities, are central ~ Louis Cozolino

Loving is limbically distinct from in love. Loving is mutuality ; loving is synchronous attunement and modulation. As such, adult love depends critically upon knowing the other. In love demands only the brief acquaintance necessary to establish an emotional genre but does not demand that the book of the beloved's soul be perused from preface to epilogue. Loving derives from intimacy, the prolonged and detailed surveillance of a foreign soul. (207) ~ Thomas Lewis