Arses Quotes

I've played hockey most my life and I've never been badly injured ... Three weeks into curling I've got bone chips in both my elbows. I still can't lean on a table. I've even got curling injuries, believe it or not, just from falling on my arse. ~ James Allodi

I grew up having to piss in a bucket 'cos there was no indoor shitter, and now I have these computerised Japanese super-loo things that have heated seats and wash and blow-dry your arse at the touch of a button. Give it a couple of years and I'll have a bog with a robot arm that pulls out my turds, so I don't have to strain. ~ Ozzy Osbourne

I am naive. I make mistakes - But I don't give a rat's arse how I am perceived! ~ Shirley Manson

The only thing I wouldn't do is sell my arse. ~ Tony Abbott

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. ~ Billy Connolly

One day, maybe not in the next few weeks, but certainly in the conceivable future, someone will be able to refer to me without using the word 'arse' somewhere in the sentence. ~ Nick Hornby

If his Majesty is resolved to have my head, he may make a whistle of my arse if he pleases. ~ Algernon Sidney

My sword," I told him, "says I tell the truth, and that you are a stinking bag of wind, a liar from hell, a cheat and a perjurer who deserves death."
"Up to our arses again," Leofric said. ~ Bernard Cornwell

We've got secrets coming out our arses and you want to take them to a clairvoyant? ~ Cath Crowley

If you want to get on in life get off your arse because it ain't going to come to you. And if it does come to you and you're not off your arse then you ain't going to keep it very long. ~ Ray Winstone

A famous bon mot asserts that opinions are like arse-holes, in that everyone has one. There is great wisdom in this ... but I would add that opinions differ significantly from arse-holes, in that yours should be constantly and thoroughly examined.
We must think critically, and not just about the ideas of others. Be hard on your beliefs. Take them out onto the verandah and beat them with a cricket bat ... Be intellectually rigorous. Identify your biases, your prejudices, your privilege. ~ Tim Minchin

Ye see, Rab, it's due to the way we feel about our arseholes. We now believe, as a species, if our soul is located anywhere in our bodies, it's up our arses. That's where it all goes. It makes sense. That's why we're obsessed with anal jokes, anal sex, anal hobbies...the arsehole - not the brain, not space - is the last frontier. That's what makes us revolutionaries. ~ Irvine Welsh

It's interesting to see the dislocation between how people perceive a person visually. Apparently on the radio I'm blonde with a big arse. ~ Tamsin Greig

My mother had heard all about miniskirts but had never seen one so I took her for lunch at Alvaro's [in Chelsea]. We walked down the King's Road and waited 10 seconds for our first miniskirt and a girl came along with her skirt tucked round her arse. I said: 'What do you think, ma?' And she said: 'If it's not for sale, you shouldn't put it in the window!' ~ Michael Caine

There scotsmen must have arses like leather,for while he ate I could see naught beneath his kilts but a pair of rather large balls , the secretary told him . - philippa ~ Bertrice Small

You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once. ~ Noel Fielding

There's a gang of boys on bikes blocking the road ahead. They've got their hoods up, cigarettes shielded. The sky's a really strange colour and there's hardly anyone else about. I slow right down.
"What shall I do?"
"Reverse," Zoey says. "They're not going to move."
I wind down the window. "Oi!" I yell "Move your arses!"
They turn languid, shift lazily to the edge of the road and grin as I blow kisses at them.
Zoey looks stunned, "What's got into you?"
"Nothing- I just haven't learned reversing yet. ~ Jenny Downham

I worked in Harrods as a sales girl and I was so lazy, I just sat on my arse all day. Now I have huge respect for shop girls. It was boring, so I tried to shoplift things, but we'd always get our bags checked. ~ Susannah Constantine

There are stains on their knees, stains on their arses. Dirty Leeds. ~ David Peace

The only thing I can do is wipe my arse, brush my teeth, turn up and do the best work I can. ~ Tom Hardy

His favourite word, one for which I have a great deal of time myself as a matter of fact, was "arse." Everyone was more or less an arse most of the time, but I was arsier than just about everyone else in the school. In fact, in my case he would often go further - I was on many occasions a bumptious arse. Before I learned what bumptious actually meant I assumed that it derived from "bum" and believed therefore with great pride that as a bumptious arse I was doubly arsey - twice the arse of ordinary arses. ~ Stephen Fry

The greatest monarch on the proudest throne is obliged to sit upon his own arse. ~ Benjamin Franklin

But here there were houses full of *stuff*, fancy sheets woven with silk floss as soft as a baby's bum; fancy washstands carved of dark wood that glowed like cherries where the light hit it; curtains the shade of the summer sky, heavy and glossy and smooth to the touch. The velvet-flocked wallpaper was so soft beneath her fingertips that had her eyes been closed, she might have thought she was brushing the belly of a rabbit.
And the stool in the corner! One wouldn't imagine you'd get too fancy with such a piece, but this stool was covered with embroidery so fine that her knuckles ached just looking at the stitches. Unbelievable. The rich even spoiled their arses! ~ Meredith Duran

Nobody ever started a fight because they thought they were wrong. Think about it. We're all so sure of ourselves that we can't even have an honest conversation. Instead, we babble bass-ackwards agendas and cling to ill-conceived notions. Our heads are so far up our own arses that we assume we are the hero of the story. Even when we are up to our necks in it, we never bother asking what the awful smell is. The thing is... everyone can't be right. That's not a thing. But nobody wants to back down. So instead, you get a line in the sand and people taking sides. ~ Brian Buccellato

I do ride a bicycle occasionally, but not those stupid stationary ones you see in gyms. I do have one of those, I must confess, but its quite literally a pain in the arse, so I dont use it. ~ Christine McVie

We've been over this formation a thousand times so they better remember it or I'll jam bamboo up their arses. ~ Suzanne Wright

The shrill voices of those who give orders
Are full of fear like the squeakings of
Piglets awaiting the butcher's knife, as their fat arses
Sweat with anxiety in their office chairs ...
Fear rules not only those who are ruled, but
The rulers too. ~ Bertolt Brecht

I'd like to have a business card saying: Bruce Norris kicked your arse. ~ Robert Muchamore

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home. ~ Billy Connolly

I guess, your Excellency, that I too should start off by kissing some god's arse. Wich god's arse, though? There are so many choices. See the Muslims have one god. The Christians have three gods. And we Hindus have 36.000.000 gods. Making a grand total of 36.000.004 divine arses for me to choose from ~ Aravind Adiga

Well, we went through a lot of names. But seeing as, musically, I wanted to swing through the jungle baring my arse, I thought Gorillaz was a perfect name. ~ Murdoc Niccals

Listen. You can be anything you want to be. Be careful. It's a spell. It's magic. Listen to the words. You can be anything, you can do anything, you can be anything, you can do anything. Listen to the magic.
You are anything . . . everyone, anyone. Whatever you want. I'm showing you. So long as you stay yourself inside, you can eat dirt and it'll taste good because it's you that's eating it. You can even lick their arses if you have to. You listen to them, teachers, parents, politicians. They're always saying, if you steal you're a thief, if you sleep around you're a slut, if you take drugs you're a junkie. They want to get inside your head and control you with their fear.
Maybe you think your mum and dad love you but if you do the wrong things they'll try and turn you into dirt. It's your punishment for being you. Don't play their game. Nothing can touch you; you stay beautiful.
I've done everything. All of it. You think it, I've done it.
All the things you never dared, all the things you dream about, all the things you were curious about and then forgot because you knew you never would. I did 'em, I did 'em yesterday while you were still in bed,
What about you? When's it going to be your turn? ~ Melvin Burgess

It's great to win a few prizes early on. It helps a writer to get noticed and to get some sales. It can also be a pain in the arse because it gets in the way of the quiet, contemplative time every writer needs, but which is particularly important when you are a new writer finding your own voice, and pursuing the things that interest you. ~ Jeanette Winterson

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest. ~ Rowan Atkinson

Every writer has to make an emotional journey from artist sitting in attic to being part of a business. The writer of a film is like Tinkerbell. You are only there because people believe in you. The moment they dont, because youre a pain the arse, youve lost. ~ Julian Fellowes

We need to get past the point where being black and a male means that I am likely to mug you for your wallet, likely to have a minus 15 on my IQ, likely to not go to college and likely to wear my pants below my arse. ~ John Amaechi

So let me get this straight," said Adam eventually, leaning forward on his crate. "Jesus came back and took all his righteous believers with him, right? Now the rest of us are stuck here for the next seven years while demons emerge every night to drag our sorry arses to Hell? Is that the gist of it? ~ Phillip W. Simpson

Why political intellectuals, do you incline towards the proletariat? In commiseration for what? I realize that a proletarian would hate you, you have no hatred because you are bourgeois, privileged, smooth-skinned types, but also because you dare not say that the only important thing there is to say, that one can enjoy swallowing the shit of capital, its materials, its metal bars, its polystyrene, its books, its sausage pâtés, swallowing tonnes of it till you burst – and because instead of saying this, which is also what happens in the desires of those who work with their hands, arses and heads, ah, you become a leader of men, what a leader of pimps, you lean forward and divulge: ah, but that's alienation, it isn't pretty, hang on, we'll save you from it, we will work to liberate you from this wicked affection for servitude, we will give you dignity. And in this way you situate yourselves on the most despicable side, the moralistic side where you desire that our capitalized's desire be totally ignored, brought to a standstill, you are like priests with sinners, our servile intensities frighten you, you have to tell yourselves: how they must suffer to endure that! And of course we suffer, we the capitalized, but this does not mean that we do not enjoy, nor that what you think you can offer us as a remedy – for what? – does not disgust us, even more. We abhor therapeutics and its vaseline, we prefer to burst under the quantitative excesses that you judge the most stupid. And do ~ Jean Francois Lyotard

I've met police dogs with more intelligence than those two. You could tell them everything we've done, down to the last word, and they'd still end up running around in a circle, sniffing each other's arses. ~ Anthony Horowitz

Man, that's a killer strategy, that is, an awesome way to persuade the incognoscenti that we're not crazed hokum junkies, high on hackwork, trying to pimp our addled euphoria to anyone who passes. Yeah, vehement denial that we've got anything to do with the crack-whore pump-daddy beast of a thousand cocks locked in the closet. Bitter accusations of snootcocking snipewankery when they point out that crack-whore pimp-daddy beast of a thousand cocks in the closet. Offended outrage when they assume the mindfuck we're touting is a cheap handjob, just because we're, like, standing on a street corner dressed to sell our arses. And because our first words to a prospective customer just happens to be, 'Hey, big boy. ~ Hal Duncan

Destiny can sometimes be history coming back to bite you in the arse. ~ Hal Duncan

That is NOT the arse of a £7million player! ~ Eamon Dunphy

Whoever designed this frigging map was having a laugh. Just around the corner, my arse. ~ Freya Stark

I love you!" he bellowed at me and his eyes turned black. "Happy now? I love you, okay? I love you
so fucking much that it hurts! It's driving me insane! I loved you from the moment I saw you doing
your Miss Marple impression in those woods back at The Ragged Cove. But I could tell you were
sweet on Luke and hey, why not? He's the good-looking one, right? I mean, I'm just the hired muscle.
I'm the one who gets everyone else out of the shit. But I couldn't help my feelings, I'd never felt like
that before. So yeah, okay I stole a kiss from you in the gatehouse – big fucking deal! But you know
what? That was the biggest mistake of my life, because that one kiss from you drove me out of my tiny
freaking mind! So, I'm sorry if I give the boy a hard time and ain't too gentle with the girl, but I'm not
going to sit back and watch you risk your life just so you can blow their noses and wipe their arses!"
I looked at Potter and he seemed almost out of breath after his rant. Once he had finished, he put out
his cigarette and lit another one. Standing, I looked at him and said, "Potter, I had no idea…"
"Ah, forget it," he said, waving me away with his hand. "I shouldn't have said anything. Besides, I'll
be moving out at first light in search of Luke. Once I've rescued him, I'll bring him to you in The
Hollows and you won't have to see me again. ~ Tim O'Rourke

Blessed are those who eat greens, for they shall keep their teeth. Blessed are those who wash their hands after wiping their arses, for they shall not sicken. Blessed are those who boil water, for they shall be called saviors of mankind. ~ Diana Gabaldon

Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one third of one of them, even if they were attacking me with just their arse. ~ Dylan Moran

Even the most Bush-happy, flag suckling jack-arse knows deep-down inside that something is wrong. America is over and everyone knows it. The New World Order has a dying empire odor and changing the channel ain't going to make this go away. ~ Jello Biafra

If I could dance like the ladies can, it would have been my arse on your screens ~ Lily Allen

I've been a poser for f
ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh. ~ Billy Connolly

It is an ancient and venerated custom of people in my country to start a story by praying to a Higher Power.
"I guess, Your Excellency, that I too should start off by kissing some god's arse.
"Which god's arse, though? There are so many choices.
"See, the Muslims have one god.
"The Christians have three gods.
"And we Hindus have 36,000,004 divine arses to choose from. ~ Aravind Adiga

But in doing so
moving forward ...
he's still dealing with the past. It's always strung out behind us, innit, attached to our arses like a roll of toilet paper we trail out of the bathroom, pointing the way to the giant shite we just took. It doesn't matter if we flushed it down; Everyone still knows what we did there. So its fine to say it's all done and you have no connection with the past, that you're a new person every second, but silly in my view to pretend that person isn't made of the old one. ~ Kevin Hearne

Yeah, arrest that man on the crime of having 8 Chicken McNuggets stuck up his arse. ~ Dwayne Johnson

People who got on their feet and freaked about were called idiot dancers. and nobody wants to be called an idiot dancer. But the whole idea of rock and roll is to get people off their arses - that's what it's about. ~ Steve Marriott

the remark of a Middlesex Regiment officer in 1918. "Intelligence services," the man had said, "are prone to looking up their own arses and wondering why it's dark. ~ David Downing

I could be a bit of a pain in the arse. Since I've come out of my cancer, I must say I intend to be even more of a pain in the arse. ~ Harold Pinter

I might take what I do very seriously, but at least I'm doing something, rather than sitting on my arse and being no-one. ~ Joshua James Alphonse Franceschi