After Christmas Funny Quotes

No, Roger had not seen the funny side. But there had been a moment when, after looking at his watch, he had thought: I can remember when Christmas morning would start at about half past ten with a glass of Buck's Fizz in bed. Now it begins at half past five, with a test of my fine motor skills and ability to read Korean. ~ John Lanchester

It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?' ~ Laura Kightlinger

What?" Richardson snarled. "No smart retort, Mr. Gautier? Cat swallow your tongue?"
Nick gave her a charming grin he didn't really feel. "No, ma'am. A gator named Sense Formerly Known as Common."
Sneering at him, she tottered her way to her desk so that she could insult someone else and ruin their day.
Caleb let out an annoyed breath. -Great,- he projected to Nick. -Now I have to get detention, too. I really hate you, Gautier.-
Nick batted his eyelashes at Caleb. -But I wubs you, Caliboo.-
That succeeded in wringing a groan out of Caleb.
"What was that, Mr. Malphas?" Richardson asked.
"Severe intestinal woe caused by an external hemorrhoid that seems to be growing on my right-hand side." He cast a meaningful glower toward Nick.
The class erupted into laughter as Richardson shot to her feet. "Enough!" She slammed her hands on her desk. "For that, Mr. Malphas, you can join Mr. Gautier in after-school detention."
Caleb let out an irritated sigh. --More quality time with my hemorrhoid. Just what I wanted for Christmas. Yippee ki-yay.-- ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

All he wanted was a long, hot shower and a long, deep sleep.
Meaning that whoever this pissed-off brunette was, whatever deal she'd arranged with his flaky mother, they could talk about it after he'd scrubbed the jungle from his skin and rinsed the shampoo from his hair.
"What do you mean it belongs to you? It can't belong to you. I just rented it," said the girl aiming that pink blow-dryer right at his heart.
If he wasn't so damn exhausted, he might find that funny. She was holding the thing as if it would protect her. It was a blow-dryer! He nodded at it. "What do you plan to do with that thing, honey? Style me to death? ~ Tracy Brogan

I had sinus surgery the day after Christmas and it has been the worst surgery of my life. Very painful, and on top of it everyone of course thought I got a nose job. Which is so funny because if you know me I would have told you I got a nose job I'm not gonna keep it a secret. ~ Kaley Cuoco

It's funny how one summer can change everything. It must be something about the heat and the smell of chlorine, fresh-cut grass and honeysuckle, asphalt sizzling after late-day thunderstorms, the steam rising while everything drips around it. Something about long, lazy days and whirring air conditioners and bright plastic flip-flops from the drugstore thwacking down the street. Something about fall being so close, another year, another Christmas, another beginning. So much in one summer, stirring up like the storms that crest at the end of each day, blowing out all the heat and dirt to leave everything gasping and cool. Everyone can reach back to one summer and lay a finger to it, finding the exact point when everything changed. That summer was mine. ~ Sarah Dessen

Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection. ~ Winston Churchill

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. ~ Tom Sims

I think 'Elf' is funny, with Will Ferrell. That's a great Christmas movie. ~ Robert Osborne

Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have sh*t to do. ~ Jon Stewart

On the day after Christmas, some store or another will always take out and ad saying there are only 364 shopping days to Christmas. No one is amused. ~ Gerard Del Re

Wisdom of the Ages: "Boxing Day" In the UK, the day after Christmas is named after the first activity that takes place between husband and wife after the Christmas receipts are added up. ~ Matthew D. Heines

Instead of protesting and cursing others because they write "X-Mas" instead of "Christmas"; try being Christmas. Live Christmas. Breathe Christmas. Act Christmas. Speak Christmas. Reflect Christmas. Listen and feel Christmas
Christ doesn't care how you write Christmas; he cares how you live Christmas all year long. ~ Sandra Chami Kassis

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

We are really quite lucky this yeara because Christmas falls on Christmas Day ~ Bobby Gould

Happy Day After Christmas, Merry Rest of the Year, even when Christmas is over, The Light of the World is Still Here! ~ Matthew West

All the Christmas presents in the world are worth nothing without the presence of Christ. ~ David Jeremiah

We always had lutefisk for Christmas dinner, after which Dad read from the Norwegian Bible. ~ Peter Agre

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help. ~ Andy Borowitz

Let the essence of Christmas blossom within - as the countdown to Christmas begins. ~ Eleesha

It's funny, I was talking to somebody who writes for a cop show, and he was saying how they aren't allowed to acknowledge Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, just because it has to be able to play forever. ~ Hannah Simone

We try to make the name longer and longer every year. First, it was 'Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular.' Then it was 'It's a Very Larry Christmas.' Now it's 'Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-palooza Christmas Luau.' I'll tell you what it is: It's funny. That's what it is. Who cares what the name of it is? It is a funny special. ~ Larry The Cable Guy

Rejoice, that the immortal God is born, so that mortal man may live in eternity. ~ Jan Hus

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday. ~ Andy Borowitz

Christmas is a huge thing in my family. We usually start decorating the day after Thanksgiving. We spend Christmas Eve with one set of grandparents, and Christmas Day with the other grandparents and our family. ~ Samantha Isler

All New Years is to me is for taking down your dumb Christmas decorations. People who put up Christmas decorations, all they're saying is, 'Hey, we're not Jews.' ~ Rich Vos

Christmas is filled with joy and laughter, but love is the foundation that inspires it all. ~ Wayne Chirisa

Christmas is here, Merry old Christmas, Gift-bearing Christmas, Day of grand memories, King of the year! ~ Washington Irving

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. ~ Publilius Syrus

Amidst such Soulful freedom, Christmas is never hindered - but, freely embraced. ~ Eleesha

The way my family always did Christmas was on Christmas Eve, it wasn't really centered around a dinner on Christmas Eve. It was more about keeping the kids calm. Sometime after dark is when we were going to open all the presents underneath the tree from Mom, Dad and the kids and everything - just the family presents was every Christmas Eve. ~ Blake Shelton

This Christmas may you courageously venture - toward each new and unfolding horizon. ~ Eleesha

I send my thoughts afar, and let them paint your Christmas Day at home. ~ Edward Rowland Sill

Are we going to have a Christmas baby after all..? ~ Katie Reus

Allow Christmas day to blossom in the bosom of your own inner joy & happiness. ~ Eleesha

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right? ~ Conan O'Brien

Let each Soulful insight, encourage you to - joyfully partake of Christmas in your own way. ~ Eleesha

Christmas, just like life itself - will become all that you choose or want it, to be. ~ Eleesha

The day you stop getting excited about Christmas is the day you become officially old. ~ Stewart Stafford

God walked down the stairs of heaven with a Baby in His arms. ~ Paul Scherrer

The yearly tradition of Christmas is bountifully supported - without the need to ever fade. ~ Eleesha

I lost everything in the post-natal depression. ~ Erma Bombeck

Celebrate the life you have been gifted thus far, supporting the arrival of Christmas day. ~ Eleesha

As Christmas draws near, let the words resonate - not just within your heart & mind, but Soul. ~ Eleesha

Trust all you wish to achieve, in the aftermath of Christmas will harmoniously begin to unfold. ~ Eleesha

Let what is Soulfully shared this Christmas, remind you of all you have the power to achieve. ~ Eleesha

What the hell was I thinking? that wasn't funny. It was supposed to be funny, but it's after midnight, and I'm never funny after midnight ~ Colleen Hoover

My fondest memories are generally the day after Thanksgiving. I get the total decorating Christmas itch. ~ Katharine McPhee

Thanksgiving comes after Christmas. ~ Peter Kreeft

Honor the freedom to celebrate Christmas, not alone - but, in the company of all those you love, too. ~ Eleesha

Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer.
Glen had been born on the day after Christmas.
"My parents just combine my birthday with Christmas, that's all," he explained.
But we knew this was a lie. Glen's parents just wrapped a couple of his Christmas presents in birthday-themed wrapping paper, stuck some candles in a supermarket cake, and had a dinner of Christmas leftovers. ~ Augusten Burroughs

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me ! ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Nick laughed. "We'll have a celebration, all right. It's called Christmas."
"She's a Christmas baby? On the actual day?"
"Came a month earlier than we expected. Elizabeth had organized the children into a Christmas choir and planned a big party after the service on Christmas Eve." Nick chuckled. "She was not pleased when her pains started beforehand. ~ Debra Holland

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, make the Yuletide gay. ~ Ralph Blane

Christmas, so joyfully celebrated within our hearts and within the hearts of countless others. ~ Eleesha

As you embrace Christmas, you embrace the magnitude of your life's journey & purpose. ~ Eleesha

It's funny to think that Christmas - a time known for its joyful togetherness - can be the loneliest time of the year for some. ~ Giovanna Fletcher

I felt overstuffed and dull and disappointed, the way I always do the day after Christmas, as if whatever it was the pine boughs and the candles and the silver and gilt-ribboned presents and the birch-log fires and the Christmas turkey and the carols at the piano promised never came to pass. ~ Sylvia Plath

She was so busy doing Christmas, there wasn't time to experience Christmas. ~ Lori Copeland

Whether you are with those you love or alone, you are contributing to Christmas, in your own way. ~ Eleesha

Dickensian poverty tends to occur after Christmas in January. For it is then, with pockets empty, diary decimated and larder bare, that the general populace sinks into a collective pauper's hibernation until Valentine's Day. ~ Stewart Stafford

What is important is what can be explored throughout Christmas, in the company of your Soul. ~ Eleesha

Songs that aren't even remotely connected to Christmas are now officially canonized Christmas tunes. 'Frosty the Snowman,' 'Jingle Bells' and 'Winter Wonderland' never mention anything religious but are still notches in Christmas' belt of musical dominance. ~ Matisyahu

The time draws near the birth of Christ;
The moon is hid; the night is still;
The Christmas bells from hill to hill
Answer each other in the mist. ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

Christmas shopping! I can do all my Christmas shopping here! I know March is a bit early, but why not be organized? And then when Christmas arrives I won't have to go near the horrible Christmas crowds. ~ Sophie Kinsella

The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can't charge it. ~ Bill Vaughan

Christmas is Christ love for mankind. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

And then she realized that after that Christmas party, she didn't really lose anything, except respect for everyone. ~ Crystal Woods

I'd offer up my house, except Dad has been home nearly every night for the past week and won't be traveling again until after New Year's. Apparently, the Belgians take Christmas seriously. ~ Katie Henry

I love Christmas music and there's nothing like getting together with friends at Christmas time to celebrate with music the incredible reality of the Savior's birth. ~ Steven Curtis Chapman

As long as we know in our hearts what Christmas ought to be, Christmas is. ~ Eric Sevareid

The only real blind person at Christmas time is he who has not Christmas in his heart. ~ Helen Keller

The hinge of history is on the door of a Bethlehem stable. ~ Ralph Washington Sockman

During the first 13 centuries after the birth of Jesus in Bethlehem, no one thought of setting up a creche to celebrate Christmas. The pre-eminent Christian holiday was Easter, not Christmas. ~ Nancy Pearcey

Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things."
"But different things can often blend together," said the pine tree. "Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals. ~ Lemony Snicket

I intend to keep writing Christmas songs. There's still a lot more about Christmas that can be captured and feel like old-time Christmas. A lot of the traditions haven't been explained in song. ~ Clint Black

The best gift you can open this Christmas season is your own heart. ~ Toni Sorenson

For this was Christmas, which had always been a time of magic, to him and to all the world. ~ Susan Cooper

Amidst such Soulful exploration each passage - is given new meaning, wisdom & insight. ~ Eleesha

I never really did Christmas before. Christmas Day? I mean - what's that? What's it all about? I was always flying on Christmas Day. ~ Monica Seles

Eating a huge home cooked Christmas dinner was his personal favorite. Evan would look around after each Christmas Day was done. There were empty dishes, and torn up wrapping paper on the ground. Monty was passed out on the couch stuffed with food. Evan would close his eyes and hear the day. He could feel the memories that were just made. ~ David Rangel

Colour GLOWS, Mind FLOWS
Bird FLY. Love SPREADS,
And we Celebrate Joy, Love & Smile.
Have a Happy Bright Merry Christmas to Ü & All ~ Krvishal

There is no ideal Christmas; only the one Christmas you decide to make as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions. ~ Bill McKibben

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so. ~ Stephen Leacock

Christmas isn't a date on a calendar, it's a feeling in the heart. ~ Toni Sorenson

Let the life of one so dear be celebrated and embraced - with each passing day. ~ Eleesha

Today, may you be filled with an immense sense of inner peace, unity, joy & happiness. ~ Eleesha

May the pathways that are Soulfully gifted to you, never be ignored - but, always embraced. ~ Eleesha

A sweet friend of my Hannah's said that Christmas only makes her sad. "It's just for happy families it makes everyone else miserable."
But there is a secret truth about family. Eventually you get to pick a family for yourself m. And thanks to the sticky, sweet, funny, loud, rambunctious people I chose, Christmas is my favorite time of the year. ~ Ellen Stimson

Christmas is Christ-love. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

The Christmas spirit
whispers softly in my ear,
Go be of good cheer. ~ Richelle E. Goodrich

The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: "Some assembly required." ~ John Leo

Never allow yourself to become despondent or weary, as you venture along life's chosen path. ~ Eleesha

I throw a Christmas party at my house. It's not really a Christmas party, because I don't want to call it a Christmas party. But let's just say I put a lot of Christmas trees around the house, so it smells good. ~ Bill Murray

All we endured throughout the year was - but an integral part of our life's learning & evolution. ~ Eleesha

I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery. ~ Beverly D'Angelo

Through joy, the Soul finds its greatest - physical expression. ~ Eleesha

Remember, Christmas is always best when you take it out of the box. ~ Sierra Donovan

Coincidentally, a good age for a Japanese girl is younger than twenty five, because that's when she turns into a 'Christmas Cake'. Christmas cakes, as everyone knows, are desirable before the twenty fifth but afterward quickly become stale and are put on the shelf. ~ Andrew Davidson

The real reason Jews don't have more Hanukkah music is that, historically, American Jewish singer-songwriters were too busy making Christmas music. 'White Christmas,' 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,' 'Silver Bells' and 'The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting)' were all written by Jews. ~ Matisyahu