Advertising Humor Quotes

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague. ~ Bill Cosby

Today, one must pay for a world where there is nothing to buy. ~ Girish Kohli

B'gwus is famous because of his wide range of homes. In some places, he's called Bigfoot. In other places, he's Yeti, or the Abominable Snowman, or Sasquatch. To most people, he is the equivalent of the Loch Ness monster, something silly to bring the tourist in. His image is even used to sell beer, and he is portrayed as a laid-back kind of guy, lounging on mountaintops in patio chairs, cracking open a frosty one. ~ Eden Robinson

There are no insect eggs in my food." Mrs. White reiterated.
You should use that in your advertising," Nate suggested. ~ Brandon Mull

I hear you're single now." Aaron gave a white-toothed smile and tossed his hair.
"Where did you hear that?" Scarlet cocked her head, hoping to find the leak.
He pulled his stool over and sat down. "A little bird told me."
Why did people use that saying? Little birds didn't talk. They chirped. And, unless Aaron spoke bird, he certainly wasn't deciphering any bird chirpings. ~ Chelsea Fine

I never met a man that I didn't like. ~ Will Rogers

You let the cops in. Thy've brought in a ram to take down the front door. A white chick in an evening gown will settle the cops faster than a brother with guns. ~ Faith Hunter

Advertising is the edge of what people know how to do and of human experience and it explains the latest ways progress has changed us to ourselves. ~ Jaron Lanier

In terms of sheer annoyance, nobody I have ever known has compared to Sare Worthington, saver of the environment, native of Portland, Maine, forever wishing that she were from Portland, Oregon. Bitch should have just moved there. ~ Caroline Kepnes

Whatare they doing?"
Brodick glanced at the women. "Chasing Ramsey," he answered very matter-of-factly before returning to his task of scanning the field.
"Why?
"Why what?" he asked as he continued to search.
She sighed. "Why are the ladies chasing him?"
The question startled him, for what should have been obvious to Gillian appeared not to be obvious at all. With a shrug, he said, "It's what they all do."
"All the ladies chase him?" she asked, still not understanding.
He finally gave her his full attention. "Yes, they do," he said quietly.
"But why?"
"You don't know?"
"I wouldn't ask if I knew, Brodick," she said, thoroughly perplexed.
"They find him ... handsome," he finally said for lack of a better word. "That's what I've been told anyway. ~ Julie Garwood

The Creed for the Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive (Peter's Laws)


1. If anything can go wrong, Fix it!!! (To hell with Murphy!!)
2. When given a choice - Take Both!!
3. Multiple projects lead to multiple successes.
4. Start at the top, then work your way up.
5. Do it by the book... but be the author!
6. When forced to compromise, ask for more.
7. If you can't beat them, join them, then beat them.
8. If it's worth doing, it's got to be done right now.
9. If you can't win, change the rules.
10. If you can't change the rules, then ignore them.
11. Perfection is not optional.
12. When faced without a challenge, make one.
13. "No" simply means begin again at one level higher.
14. Don't walk when you can run.
15. Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary.
16. When in doubt: THINK!
17. Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing.
18. The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
19. The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live.
20. The best way to predict the future is to create it yourself!! ~ Peter Safar

Great. I'd been dumped in Hell's waiting room. ~ Karen Chance

And as we see from the parable of the farmer and his daughter who were travelling to Jericho in a wagon when they fell among thieves, and all was taken from them save some jewels that the daughter contrived to hide in her vagina. After the thieves had gone, she gave these jewels to her father, to raise his heart again. And her father said unto her: If only your mother was here. We could have saved the horse and the wagon also. ~ Robert Nye

I may be crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill. ~ Gregory Hill

He winks at me and ignores me for the rest of supper, during which he instructs Ross about current diabetic treatments, corrects Maggie's perfectly pronounced Renoir as Ren-wah, and keeps fondling Kate's breasts. Okay, not exactly, but he touches her arm or hand whenever he talks or she does, and it's so frequent it's bordering on molestation. I can't believe no one's putting a stop to this. ~ Erin McCahan

Cord followed up with, "I like it here, but it's beginning to feel creepy. Does anyone else think it's creepy?"
"You're talking to a bunch of guys," Yul said. "No one here is going to validate your feelings." She tossed sand at him. ~ Neal Stephenson

P.S. What the hell. Why not sign off with the traditional American greeting? "Merry Christmas," Uncle Vasile. "Happy holidays to you."
P.P.S. Really
"counseling"! ~ Beth Fantaskey

There was a DJ who stayed up for eleven days straight, the longest recorded period of time anyone has ever gone without sleep, and he started playing nothing by Phil Collins, and that's how they knew it was time to call the ambulance. ~ Meg Cabot

They're only askin' you to do one thing. From what Rogue says, you ain't exactly reluctant."
"F**k myself into a coma. Sure, I can do that. Then what?"
"Uh, wait an hour? ~ Michelle O'Leary

Cookbooks, it should be stressed, do not belong in the kitchen at all. We keep them there for the sake of appearances; occasionally, we smear their pages together with vibrant green glazes or crimson compotes, in order to delude ourselves, and any passing browsers, that we are practicing cooks; but in all honesty, a cookbook is something you read in the living room, or in the bathroom, or in bed. ~ Anthony Lane

Did they scalp you? ~ Steven Gould

Non-comprehenders are often distressed. Not you, though-because with good humor you're blessed. After all, your thoughts went like this, I dare say: It was none but the Lord who made us that way. ~ Albert Einstein

In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes. ~ Erik Von Detten

Wit and puns aren't just decor in the mind; they're essential signs that the mind knows it's on, recognizes its own software, can spot the bugs in its own program. ~ Adam Gopnik

A million dollars. Think about it for a moment. It's not just a large number – it's a symbol of everything we've been told to want in this world. Foreign cars with doors that swing up like magical wings. Houses with in-ground pools and wine cellars. Wines that are older than you, and foods with names that can't be pronounced by mere mortals. A million dollars would open the kind of doors the general public doesn't even know exist. ~ Ana Spoke

Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1. ~ Jerry Coleman

She headed for a wide flat rock on the creek's bank, her posture still demanding 'no trespassing' but no longer 'trespassers will be shot. ~ Kristen Heitzmann

When you're in the role of the teacher, the teacher must take on the role of the student and learn from him or her. ~ Art Hochberg

Stubborn people make the best lovers. You tell them no, they say yes, you tell them get lost, they hang around, you get a restraining order, they get a megaphone...Eventually you have to kill them or marry them. ~ Benjamin Smith

One becomes sated with platitudes no less than honey, so that one often breaks another's bones in one's vexation. ~ Jack Vance

These shoes are Mr Silly's shoes, Scott. ~ Bryan Lee O'Malley

Am I the moss on your bark, then?" Ani asked.
Enna grabbed her around the waist and shook her affectionately. "You're the mossiest girl I know. ~ Shannon Hale

Fuck you, Cyn. I can't take you anywhere."
"Maybe he was shooting at you!" she hissed. ~ D.B. Reynolds

It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick. ~ Stephen Colbert

I thought this was a cookout. You know, dogs and burgers, Tater Tots, ambrosia salad" Dexter picked up a box of Twinkies, tossing them into the cart. "And Twinkies."
"It is," ... "Except that it's a cookout thrown by my mother."
"And?"
"And my mother doesn't cook."
He looked at me waiting.
"At all. My mother doesn't cook at all."
"She must cook sometimes."
"Nope."
"Everyone can make scrambled eggs, Remy. It's programmed into you at birth, the default setting. Like being able to swim and knowing not to mix pickles with oatmeal. You just KNOW. ~ Sarah Dessen

Illium seems far too pretty to be dangerous." Dmitri's male beauty, by contrast, was a darker, edgier thing.
"No one ever expects him to take out a blade and slice off their balls," he said with lethal amusement in his tone as he drove them toward the George
Washington Bridge. "He does it with such grace, too. ~ Nalini Singh

Advertising is the art of the tiny. You have to tell a complete a story and deliver a complete message in a very encapsulated form. It disciplines you to cut away extraneous information. ~ Dick Wolf

Big data is transitioning from a tool primarily for targeted advertising to an instrument with profound applications for diverse corporate sectors and for addressing chronic social problems. ~ Alec J. Ross

Calvin: Look, a dead bird!
Hobbes: It must've hit a window.
Calvin: Isn't it beautiful? It's so delicate. Sighhh ... once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with your daily affairs, you can't really think about that ... which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.
Hobbes: No doubt. ~ Bill Watterson

Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had never occurred to him that they might do it because they'd get yelled at if they didn't. ~ Terry Pratchett

But you shall not escape my iambics. ~ Catullus

Anyone who's parading under a $100,00-plus video is not free from corporate. That's just the MTV advertising agency. I find them all to be just a bit of a sham. ~ John Lydon

His beard was nonexistent, except for a carefully trimmed goatee that met his mustache on both sides of his mouth.
The overall effect was decidedly villainous. He needed a black horse and a barbarian horde to lead. That or a crew of cutthroats, a ship with blood-red sails, and some knucklehead heroine to lust after.
"Look, I've had a bad day. How about you just walk away from my Jeep?"
The volhv smiled wider, flashing even white teeth.
If he started stroking his beard, I'd have to kill him on principle."He raised his hand to his goatee.
That does it.
"Yeah. And what's with the beard and the horse mane? You look like Rent-a-Villain. ~ Ilona Andrews

You're staring," Lana said.
"Yes. I am. I'm a teenage boy. Beautiful girls in wet underwear have a tendency to cause staring in teenage boys. ~ Michael Grant

For Sale: Complete set of encylopedias. Never used. Wife knows everything. ~ Paul Zindel