Academia Humor Quotes

Younger wizards in particular went about saying that is was time magic started to update its image and that they should all stop mucking about with bits of wax and bone and put the whole thing on a properly-organised basis, with research programmes and three-day conventions in good hotels where they could read papers with titles like 'Whither Geomancy?' and 'The role of Seven League Boots in a caring society ~ Terry Pratchett

Free from ivory-tower
the pencil twirls
across the footpath ~ Santosh Kalwar

I am a master of folklore - I should be able to throw folklore fireballs or something. ~ Michael R. Underwood

I am writing a treatise just now" said the badger, coughing diffidently to show that he was absolutely set on explaining it, "which is to point out why Man has become the master of the animals. Perhaps you would like to hear it? It's for my doctor's degree you know," he added hastily, before Wart could protest. He got few chances of reading his treatise to anybody, so he could not bear to let the opportunity slip by. ~ T.H. White

When he turned his head quickly his hair seemed to shake out light, and some persons thought they saw decided genius in this coruscation. Mr. Casaubon, on the contrary, stood rayless. ~ George Eliot

Above the podium stood a decorated board showing the agenda for the day. The first item of business was the world urban crisis, the second - the ecology crisis, the third - the air pollution crisis, the fourth - the energy crisis, the fifth - the food crisis. Then adjournment. ~ Stanislaw Lem

This was Hist and Lit, after all. If you couldn't work the term "liminal" into your tutorial, you were doing it wrong. ~ Lauren Willig

The door banged open, and Eve rushed out, flushed and mussed and still buttoning her shirt. 'It's not what you think,' she said. 'It was just - oh, okay, whatever, it was exactly what you think. Now, what? ~ Rachel Caine

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. ~ Frank Carson

What time is it in New York?"
He shook his head. "An hour later than it is here. The earth simply has to revolve, Eve, however annoying it is for you."
"It can revolve all it wants. I just don't see why people can't settle on the same time. ~ J.D. Robb

That's crazy-rare."

"And now it's extinct. ~ Devon Monk

The big kid hasn't said anything yet. 'I do like hearing myself talk,' I say, 'only because I have a lot of neat things to say, but eventually the conversation will run out in, like, four or five years, and then where will we be?'
Wonder of all wonders, he cracks a little smile. I don't blame him. I am pretty funny. ~ T.J. Klune

The guy had guts - I had to give him that. Later on I was hoping for a first-hand look at them. ~ Rob Thurman

I can't decide if you're a fool, Vin thought toward it, or if you simply exist in a way that makes you incapable of considering some things. ~ Brandon Sanderson

The fact that he still breathes offends me. ~ G.A. Aiken

A lot of action characters are a little bit too serious as well. They take themselves a bit too seriously, which I don't find particularly interesting, whereas I like the fact that there was at least some humor in this because really it's a piece of entertainment. ~ Guy Pearce

I don't think humor is forced upon my universe; it's a part of it. ~ Manuel Puig

THE AWARD CEREMONY is held at a high school in Hyannis. Though it's just a gymnasium (the scent of balls of both varieties is still palpable) and the ceremony hasn't started yet, everyone speaks in hushed tones, like it's church. Something important and literary is about to happen here. ~ Gabrielle Zevin

The Scots (originally Irish, but by now Scotch) were at this time inhabiting Ireland, having driven the Irish (Picts) out of Scotland; while the Picts (originally Scots) were now Irish (living in brackets) and vice versa. It is essential to keep these distinctions clearly in mind (and verce visa). ~ W.C. Sellar

In the household in which I was raised, the themes were pretty simple. 'Work hard. Don't quit. Be appreciative, be thankful, be grateful, be respectful. Also, never whine, never complain. And always, for crying out loud, keep a sense of humor.' ~ Michael Keaton

I let out a battle cry. Sure, a lot of people might have mistaken it for a sudden yelp of unmanly fear, but trust me. It was a battle cry. ~ Jim Butcher

If anyone ever saw me dance, they'd have trouble taking me seriously. ~ Christina Ricci

I was just kidding, shuck-face," Minho said. "Let's all go over there. She could have an army of psycho girl ninjas hiding in that shack of hers."
"Psycho girl ninjas?" Newt repeated, his voice showing he was surprised, if not annoyed, by Minho's additude. ~ James Dashner

If I fall out, pull this ring? What happens then? I sprout wings and fly?" -Spader in "The Never War ~ D.J. MacHale

That was fantastic," Alvarez said. "I want to do it again. Next year, maybe, when my legs grow back." "Stop being such a baby," Laila said. "Ignore her," Alvarez said to Neil. "She's just sour because she lost nine goals in forty-five minutes. Don't know why, not like it's a new personal record or - ohhh, it is. Ouch, that's gotta sting a bit. So much for being first-draft. ~ Nora Sakavic

Pushy bottom--that's a bit of a stereotype."

"A Dom who isn't pushing--that's a bit of an oxymoron," Stunt challenged him. ~ Lyn Gala

Good morning, Meroe,' I said, dusting uselessly at my tracksuit pants. 'Might I interest you in today's special, pre-floured kitten? ~ Kerry Greenwood

It's so hard to tell with him. He always looks like he's working the customer service desk at the DMV." "I always thought he looked like a postal worker who's about one write-up away from losing it completely. ~ Shelly Laurenston

Tina Fey is my comedy wife. I have known her for almost a double decade. We met each other when we were poor and single. Now we are both rich as shit and have husbands all over the world. People think of us as a "comedy team" and I am not quick to correct them. Why wouldn't I want to connect myself to the fiercest and most talented voice in the comedy world? ~ Amy Poehler

There were still few rules at Down House, and Charles was not very good at enforcing the ones he and Emma did make. This was well known among his children. In 1855, when Lenny was about five, Charles walked in to find his son jumping up and down and tumbling all over a new sofa.
'Oh Lenny, Lenny,' Charles said. 'You know it is against all rules.'
'Then,' Lenny said to his papa, 'I think you'd better go out of the room.'
And so Charles did. ~ Deborah Heiligman

After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me. ~ Darynda Jones

This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you. ~ Lemony Snicket

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. ~ Erma Bombeck

The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Look," she said, "apparently you bring out my inner slut. I'm not going to thank you for that."
Wyatt smiled that sexy smile of his. "I could make you."
She pointed a finger at his nose. And then lowered it so it was pointed at another part of his anatomy entirely. "Don't even think about it."
"Oh, I won't," he said silkily. "But you will."
And she knew he was right. ~ Jill Shalvis

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said. ~ Steven Wright

When people keep telling you that you can't do a thing, you kind of like to try it. ~ Margaret Chase Smith

All right gentlemen, we have a job to do. At approximately 01:30 tonight, three children made an escape. Our job is to find them and bring them back. Every minute the factory is down, I lose two thousand, seven hundred and thirty-eight dollars and forty-seven cents. Therefore, we must find them and find them fast. They were last seen heading south by southwest in three makeshift kites. We'll head in that direction, fanning out and using our heat sensors to track them. Any questions?" Tubaface raised his hand. "Yes?"
"Where do babies come from?"
"That question is wholly innapropriate to our present situation. Someone slap him. ~ Sean Cullen

Magic was not a required course. He could have a degree in Wiffle ball for all I knew. ~ Devon Monk

And you, Lord Bridgerton," she replied in a tone that could have frozen champagne, "are almost as handsome as your brother."
Colin snorted again, only this time it sounded as if he were being strangled.
"Are you all right?" Miss Sheffield asked.
"He's fine," Anthony barked.
She ignored him, keeping her attention on Colin. "Are you certain?"
Colin nodded furiously. 'Tickle in my throat."
"Or perhaps a guilty conscience?" Anthony suggested.
Colin turned deliberately from his brother to Kate. "I think I might need another glass of lemonade," he gasped.
"Or maybe," said Anthony, "something stronger. Hemlock, perhaps? ~ Julia Quinn