A S King Quotes

Why do people think there are clear answers for things anyway? There aren't. ~ A.S. King

I can't stop myself from reaching for the bottle that's under my seat. I've gone all night without a sip, but it's not about being addicted. It's about being told what to do my whole life and doing it and then losing everything anyway. ~ A.S. King

She looks at me as we walk under a streetlight. "You're really handsome, you know that?"
I don't know what to say. I don't think anyone uses the word handsome anymore. I feel humbled by it. Because it's old and grandmothers say it, it seems classy and real and I feel ... handsome. It makes me smile. ~ A.S. King

I took pictures of the people who thought they were my friends, but who I'd never let all the way in. ~ A.S. King

Do you think we'll get married one day?" I said.
"To each other?" Charlie asked.
"No, silly. I mean to other people." (But really, I'd meant to each other.) ~ A.S. King

Mom walked out on us, remember? Because she never got over her own baggage, not because of you or me, right? ~ A.S. King

I'm not questioning *my* sexuality as much as I'm questioning the strict definitions and boxes of all *sexualities* and why we care so much about other people's intimate business. ~ A.S. King

You know that saying about how you don't know what you have until it's gone? I already did know what I had, and now that she's gone, I know even more. ~ A.S. King

The bag is me. I can't explain why the bag is me, but the bag is me. I have been swinging and I have come to a complete stop. I have no idea why. I have no idea why anything. Like, why I'm here. Or why I stopped. Or why I was swinging. ~ A.S. King

I picked up my camera and held it at arm's length and took a picture of myself not caring. I called it: Glory Doesn't Care. ~ A.S. King

She talks about how she can't exercise because of the ailments-a bad back, sore knees, breathing difficulties-all caused by her weight gain. ~ A.S. King

Oh. I get it now. God had Nader beat my ass and my mom leave my dad just so Jodi could learn how to chop onions and use a propane grill. Great. Awesome. ~ A.S. King

Smile, son! That's the ticket out! ~ A.S. King

The willow is green; flowers are red. The flower is not red; nor is the willow green. ~ A.S. King

I think back to the last thing Dave said to me and try to imagine what escaping oxygen would look like. It looks a lot like drowning. ~ A.S. King

They disappear and it echoes.
I'd really like to talk about it now ~ A.S. King

Maybe she woke up. Maybe she's happier now. ~ A.S. King

It's safe to tell us stuff, okay?"
This means it's not safe to tell them anything. ~ A.S. King

In nature, crying is okay. Waterfalls cry all the time. ~ A.S. King

After I lie there for a while, I realize that Dad isn't every going to do anything but be there to drive us home from the airport. And cook. And if I want something bigger to change, it's up to me. I'm scared shitless, yes. I'm doubtful, yes. But I'm angry. Angry that I am doing this because Dad can't. But then I sniff breakfast, and I know that Dad is doing what he can. ~ A.S. King

You two would make a cute couple, she says as she passes by with a full dough tray in her arms. I don't know why she says it. We aren't doing anything but folding boxes with the other drivers and telling dirty jokes.
But we would.
We would make a cute couple. ~ A.S. King

Listen to me. They may control what you do, but no one can pee on your soul without your permission. ~ A.S. King

I guess when you believe the word of a complete liar, logic doesn't come into it. ~ A.S. King

It occurs to me if we kissed now, we'd be like a folded map of America. My Pennsylvania scab next to her New Jersey black eye. I wonder, then, how many other kids could join in. Where are the Montanas and the Colorados? Where is the Vermont? Florida? How many maps would we make? ~ A.S. King

The youth choir is up onstage now, in flowing white gowns, and they're singing something in the key of goose-bumps. ~ A.S. King

By shooting the darkest areas three zones lighter, you turned a black, lifeless max black zone 0 into a zone 3.
I think, in life, most of us did this all the time. ~ A.S. King

No. Frank Socrates doesn't have conditions, because he's dead. He loves me unconditionally. ~ A.S. King

Then, Valentine's Day came. There was a dance, and balloons and flowers and cheaply made rings and all sorts of lame teddy bears and stuffed animals, as if teenagers can be wooed with the same shit as five-year-olds. It was the Dietzes' most hated holiday of the year, too, because it dealt with the consumerization of something sacred. Mom and Dad had agreed never to buy each other anything on the day. It was a false, Hallmark holiday. A sham. A moneymaking sideshow for insecure couples who didn't have true love. I agreed with this, for the most part. ~ A.S. King

Graduation day means you must now do something with your life. You must grow up and buy your own train tickets, accrue student debt so you can become part of the machine. You must pick a major. The light comes only after that. Sorry about saying that graduation is the light at the end of the tunnel. That was a lie. ~ A.S. King

Maybe if I hadn't been so hell-bent on not becoming my parents, I could have saved Charlie. Maybe I would have been his girlfriend. Maybe we could have gotten married and been happy, regardless of who our parents were and what they did to each other. ~ A.S. King

I had so many things to say.
I had so many things to say ~ A.S. King

Nature is so lucky. People can look at it and think nothing. No one analyzes it. No one blames it. No one underestimates it. Most people respect it. When we look at an ocean after an oil spill, we don't smirk and say, "Well, look at this shithole you are now!" We pity it. We wish it hadn't happened. We hope it gets better and that the fish who live there don't die or grow babies who have two heads. Maybe if we all saw ourselves as nature, we'd be kinder. ~ A.S. King

Are there baby steps toward complete loserdom, and if so, how many are there to go? ~ A.S. King

You wonder why I'm so uptight about entitle white culture? It's not just that I live here half the time and see real poverty. It's not just the snack baskets in first class. It's because entitled white culture encourages those inside it to never look outside their own fucking worlds. We blow everything off because we're so concerned with looking good we can't just feel. ~ A.S. King

I wish I could talk to twenty-three-year-old Sarah again. Ten-year-old Sarah doesn't understand my struggle. She hasn't come to this yet. She hasn't come to the place where my present means nothing but my future is all everyone talks about. Twenty-three-year-old ~ A.S. King

If only you'd stop thinking there's such a thing as perfect, then you'd feel a lot better about yourself. ~ A.S. King

I demand a different childhood.
I demand a mother who cares.
I demand a do-over. ~ A.S. King

EVERYONE deserves to be happy. But no one gets there by freaking out or sulking or running. So. Here's a tissue. Clean yourself up and start back at the beginning. ~ A.S. King

I felt a mix of wanting to kill him and wanting to kiss him at the same time. When I thought of what true love must be like, I figured it must be like this, and not the stupid eighth grade infatuation most girls my age felt. True love includes an equal part of good and bad, but true sticks around and doesn't run off to Vegas with a podiatrist. ~ A.S. King

I wish for world peace, because it's about as likely to occur anything else I can wish for. ~ A.S. King

The boys on the front had magazines with pinups, and they talked about how one day they would score women like that, but they're kids. They don't know what love is. Here they learn what hate is, and I am so sad that they might never know love because hate came first. Maybe they will miss out on having a woman like you, and I feel sorry for them. ~ A.S. King

Have you ever loved somebody?" I ask him.
"Yes."
"Does it always hurt so much?" I ask,
"When does it hurt?" he asks.
"All the time."
"I'm not sure that's love," he says, "You may be sick. ~ A.S. King

I get the urge to feel it, too, so when she takes her hand away, I turn her toward me and I feel the edges of New Jersey. I kiss Hoboken and Atlantic City. I kiss Newark and Trenton. I kiss Camden, and then I follow the road west, over the Walt Whitman Bridge into Pennsylvania. And I kiss home. ~ A.S. King

Why trade a chance at real happiness for a misery I already knew? ~ A.S. King

Your Cat Has More Self Esteem Than I Do
There are no billboards for cats
advertising feline plastic surgery
feline acne gels
feline gastric bands
feline face-lifts.
There are no commercials about
feline makeup
feline sex toys
feline fashion.
There are porn movies with cats,
but no cats watch them. ~ A.S. King

I wish we could go back in time and climb trees together again. I love you, Vera. I always will. ~ A.S. King

If Darla's question was Why do people take pictures?, then what sort of answer was that? Or were pictures like that why Darla was asking in the first place?
I say to the empty room, "I take pictures because sometimes I can't find the words to say what I want to say. ~ A.S. King

Blowing up isn't always external. It's not always easy to hear or see. Synapses fire every day in my brain. Thinking is just like exploding until it eventually scars you and you can't interact with people anymore. It's like one big, final detonation. ~ A.S. King

You can't change people with love. It doesn't work that way. ~ A.S. King

Maybe the adults around me were too cynical and old to do anything to help innocent people like Mrs. Kahn or Charlie, or the black kids who were called nigger at school, or the girls Tim Miller groped on the bus. Maybe they were numb enough to blame the system for things they were too lazy to change. ~ A.S. King

But it feels good to love a thing and not expect anything back. It feels good to not get an argument or any pushiness or any rumors or any bullshit. It's love without strings. It's ideal. ~ A.S. King

Always? I know this sounds totally stupid, but sometimes I really can't see the point in living if I will always have to deal with this crap. I know I will have better times in my life, and I might even make myself into someone important, but if the whole time I have to deal with assholes, then what's the point? ~ A.S. King

I don't think most humans are dumb," I argue.
"So you think most humans are smart?"
"I think all humans have potential. ~ A.S. King

The ants say: aren't we all bleeding a little? ~ A.S. King

I guess it was hard for him to look at the logic behind the draft lotteries, because that same logic had taken away his father. And, anyway, what's so logical about the day you were born deciding when you might die? That's just a cruel joke, as I see it. ~ A.S. King

It's like I'm a little me inside the big me and I'm holding an umbrella and the rain is bullshit and I am the rain and I am the bullshit. ~ A.S. King

I was also built from delusional optimism and folly. ~ A.S. King

She looked into space a lot, didn't say much, and kissed my father when midnight came, as if she were punching a time card. ~ A.S. King

Is it okay to hate a dead kid? Even if you loved him once? Even if he was my best friend? Is it okay to hate him for being dead? ~ A.S. King

Cancer doesn't give a shit how much you want to live. If it wants to kill you, it will. ~ A.S. King

You are not your virginity. You are a human being. The state of your hymen has nothing to do with your worth. ~ A.S. King

Since that day I saw you in chemistry class with thatt canary yellow shirt, I wanted to make every day Christmas for you. ~ A.S. King

Pretty much nobody on Earth takes me seriously. And yet, on the inside I know there is something wrong enough that someone should be taking it seriously. Maybe it starts with me. Maybe I have to take it seriously first. ~ A.S. King

Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. I can't get away from myself. ~ A.S. King

How many things do I have to invent in my head to survive this? ~ A.S. King

Because with Charlie, nothing was ever easy. Everything was windswept and octagonal and finger-combed. Everything was difficult and odd, and the theme songs all had minor chords. ~ A.S. King

Dad smiles at me. I suddenly feel so stupid for giving up eating when I was thirteen. The ants say: Forget about it. We're all larvae once. ~ A.S. King

My eyelids get heavy, and i feel an instant urge to make today disappear by falling asleep until it's tomorrow. But i can't move. ~ A.S. King

Humans want to conquer everyone they can, and buy everything they see. I think this is because humans have forgotten how to be happy. It's not their fault - it's not easy figuring out how to be happy in these days of anything-but-moderation. ~ A.S. King

Can I admit I'm a little freaked out that Socrates only has one name? I know that's how it was done in those days, but it bugs me. I can't tell if it's his last name or his first name or what. And it can't be shortened - except to Sock, which is completely stupid. I want him to have a more familiar name - something laid back and modern, so I can relate to him better. So I stare at the picture in my book of the curly-bearded guy with the pug nose, and by the end of study hall, I name him Frank. Frank Socrates. Makes him more huggable. ~ A.S. King

We're all just making it up as we go along. No one really knows what they're doing. ~ A.S. King

..love doesn't just show up and disappear, Not real love. ~ A.S. King

I am as blank as a piece of white paper in a world with no pencils. ~ A.S. King

Until cancer, you care about a lot of bullshit that doesn't really matter. ~ A.S. King

I've never understood white people who can't admit they're white. I mean, white isn't just a color. And maybe that's the problem for them. White is a passport. It's a ticket. The world is a white amusement park and your white skin buys you into it. A woman in economy argued with me about this once. She said, "I've heard this idea and it makes me uncomfortable."

"It probably should," I said.

Dad and I have been broke since he got cancer and sometimes he can't put the heat on over sixty-two or put food in the fridge, but we were always white and he always made sure I knew that. Which sounds stupid because how can a person not know they're white, right?

You don't have to be racist to not know you're white.

But sometimes you do. And Marla has no idea she's white or that the whole world was made for people like her. ~ A.S. King

I don't even use the stupid shampoo. ~ A.S. King

And if any of you has a problem with any of it, then it's *your* problem. Being gay is hard enough without having to worry about your family being weird about it. ~ A.S. King

It didn't work. It didn't work because I knew not to give the best of myself to the worst of people. ~ A.S. King

I stare out the window and smile because just dreaming it is nice ... even if it doesn't happen. Just dreaming it is nice. ~ A.S. King

Isn't it funny how we live inside the lies we believe? ~ A.S. King

Suicide isn't something people do to hurt other people. It's something people do to release themselves from pain. ~ A.S. King

Most people don't think past themselves. I know that. But I want Vera to see other people. To respect other people. To realize that the whole world is not here for her. I want her to see her duty to the world, not the other way around. ~ A.S. King

And really–I would rather suck truck fumes than deal with this sort of shit forever. Mom says that Nader is a loser who will grow up to be a loser and that I'll understand when I'm forty. But I want to understand now. ~ A.S. King

You'll never lose me, Vera. I'm the Great Hunter now. ~ A.S. King

I reminded myself that the one thing Jenny Flick couldn't buy, no matter what she used as currency, was a ticket to drive on the high road next to people like me. ~ A.S. King

I want to be the joint that she smokes so that we can finally talk about
everything without having to use words, because I will be a drug in her brain. ~ A.S. King

That realization: Her love was a lie, just like everything else was.
The day I'd be old enough to handle it: my seventeenth birthday ~ A.S. King

Because it's true. Isn't that the only reason to ever say anything? ~ A.S. King

I remember asking everyone else in my life for forgiveness, but I realize I never asked myself. ~ A.S. King

He digs out a fortune cookie fortune from his mouth, as if his mouth has a pocket. It says THE SIMPLEST ANSWER IS TO ACT. He hands it to me. I nod and put the fortune in my own mouth pocket. ~ A.S. King

Maybe smiling at people would be my new revenge on the bullshit world. ~ A.S. King

The trick is remembering that change is as easy as you make it. The trick is remembering that you are the boss of you. ~ A.S. King

It also makes my father right again. How will I ever soar with the eagles if I'm surrounded by turkeys? ~ A.S. King

I wager that most human beings do five things a day they cannot logically explain. ~ A.S. King

And so I went to my room and took a nap. A ten year long nap. The Gerald who didn't have to do anything he didn't want to do has taken a ten-year long nap.
The Gerald who had control over his life is awake again.
Good morning.
How did you sleep? ~ A.S. King

Is it okay to lie in order to be happy? ~ A.S. King

Maybe most other people are messed up, too. It just wasn't aired on TV. ~ A.S. King

The simplest answer is to act. ~ A.S. King

It's like Gone with the Wind or something. Strictly the 1939 brand of slapping. It only works because the slapper loves the slapee, and the slappee knows it. ~ A.S. King

Dear Gerald,

I know it's a little early for me to be saying this, but I think you're probably the best friend I've ever had.
This isn't saying much because I've never had a best friend.
Once I thought I had a best friend, but then she started to get interested in clothes and we ended up not being friends anymore.

I like you a lot because you give a shit, Gerald. You really give a shit.
I know we don't talk much about some stuff because of the rules, but I never felt like anyone could give a shit about Hannah McCarthy.
Everyone knows I'm the junkman's daughter and I decided awhile ago that I was okay with that because there's nothing I can do about that.
And today you turn 17 and I think it's about time that you know that you're the boy from TV and until you leave here, you will always be the boy from TV and I will always be the junkman's daughter.
And I feel a bond with you because of this.
Because neither of us is happy here and I want to find a way out.
Out of Blue Marsh. Of my life. Of my house, of my family. I want a way out. And it looks like you want that, too.
I know this girl from my old job and she wanted out of her family, too, and so she married a guy when she was 17.
Don't worry, I'm not about to propose to you. But I also think that maybe we could find a way out early.
I can't handle senior year. I can't handle another day as Cinderella. I can't handle one more day of living like the j ~ A.S. King