Seth Grahame-Smith Quotes

So I suggest you stick close, pay attention, and avoid breaking the Terrorverse's only commandment: Thou shall not be stupid.

Abraham," he said. "I'm pleased to see you alive, old friend."
"And I to see you dead.

I'm a big, bombastic novelist and thrill-ride guy. I'm never going to win the National Book Award.

Put the car in "d" set the compass to "n" and get the "f"out of there

It is a strange thing how quickly the body dies. How fragile a force our presence is. In an instant the soul is gone - leaving an empty, insignificant vessel in its stead.

She delivered a vicious blow, penetrating his rib cage, and withdrew her hand - with the ninja's still-beating heart in it. As all but Lady Catherine turned away in disgust, Elizabeth took a bite, letting the blood run down her chin and onto her sparring gown. "Curious," said Elizabeth, still chewing. "I have tasted many a heart, but I dare say, I find the Japanese ones a bit tender."
Her ladyship left the dojo without giving compliment to Elizabeth's skills.

I decided that it was more important to laugh than to eat.

I understand exactly what I am.

It is a strange thing how quickly our bodies die. How fragile a force our presence is. In an instant the soul is gone - leaving an empty, insignificant vessel in its stead. I have read of those sent to the gallows and guillotines of Europe. I have read of the great war of ages past and men slaughtered by the tens of thousands. And we give but fleeting consideration to such deaths, for it is our nature to banish such thoughts. But in doing so, we forget that they were each as alive as we, and the one length of rope - or bullet - or blade, took the whole of their lives in that one, fragile instant. Took their earliest days as swaddled infants, and their grayest unfulfilled futures. When one think of how many souls have suffered this fate in all of history - of the untold murders of untold men, women and children.. it is too much to bear.

I hereby resolve to kill every vampire in America.

Real power comes not from hate, but from truth.

Thank you, sir, but I am perfectly content being the bride of death.

Elizabeth Bennett had been obliged, by the scarcity of gentlemen, to sit down for two dances; and during part of that time, Mr. Darcy had been standing near enough (some twenty yards away
well within the reach of her extraordinary ears) for her to hear a conversation between him and Mr. Bingley ...

An accomplished woman is one who has a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing and the modern languages; she must be well trained in the fighting styles of the Kyoto masters and the modern tactics and weaponry of Europe.

I feel like the luckiest guy on the planet. But, I literally work all day, every day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, and that's not an exaggeration.

Famous murderers are only famous because they get caught. The best killers are those whose names we shall never know.

There was once a man who yearned to live forever. Beginning in his youth, he prayed for God to grant him immortality. He was charitable and earnest, honest in his business dealings, true to his wife, and kind to his children. He humbled himself before God and preached His laws to all who would listen. And yet, he continued to age with every passing year, until he finally died a frail old man. When he reached heaven, he asked, "Lord, why did You refuse to answer my prayer? Did I not live my life according to Your word? Did I not praise Your name to all who would listen?" To which God replied, "You did all of these things. And that is why I did not curse you by answering your prayer.

I think any period in history can be adapted into interesting fiction, as long as you approach the actual history with respect.

He was a cowboy with the soul of a poet. To this day, he is the most American American I've ever met.

Bottom half of the page had descended into a doodle of a tiny man giving the middle finger to a giant, angry eagle with razor-sharp talons. Beneath it, the caption: To Mock a Killing Bird. Sadly, this was the best idea I'd had in weeks.

Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do; for I shall not have my best warrior resigned to the service of a man who is fatter than Buddha and duller than the edge of a learning sword.

Emotion is emotion, and politics is politics, and one has nothing to do with the other.

Halloween, the one night when we embrace the darkness from which all of America is descended. October is the gateway to the wonderful, mystical finale of the American year. A place where life ends and the celebration of life briefly begins.

Of all the weapons she had commanded, Elizabeth knew the least of love; and of all the weapons in the world, love was the most dangerous.

Father may have been wanting in some things, but here he was masterful. Night upon night, I marveled at his power to hold listeners in rapt attention. He could tell a story with such detail, such flourish, that afterwards a man could swear it had been his own memory, and not a tale at all.

I fear that a life of death has made me numb to both.

Every service had a price. Every object a value. If someone made you a sword, you paid him the appropriate amount or traded something of equal value with him. If a man saved your life, you either paid him the amount you considered that life worth, or you saved his in return. Until either of those things was transacted, you were in his debt. It was business. And if Balthazar believed in anything with religious fervor, it was that.

No ninjas! How was that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without any ninjas! I never heard of such a thing. Your mother must have been quite a slave to your safety.

It may perhaps be pleasant, but it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity.

Judge us not equally, Abraham. We may all deserve hell, but some of us deserve it sooner than others

A Strange Eastern Light "During the time of King Herod, Wise Men from the east came and asked, 'Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.'" - Matthew 2:1

Living men are bound by time ... Thus, their lives have an urgency. This gives them ambition. Makes them choose those things that are most important, cling more tightly to that which they hold dear. Their lives have seasons, and rites of passage, and consequences. And ultimately, an end. But what of a life with no urgency? What then of ambition? What then of love?

Elizabeth sheathed her sword, knelt behind him, and strangled him to death with his own large bowel.

One might find men in Congress who possess twice your good looks, but not one who possesses half your good sense.

Besides, there was no honor in betraying a loyal friend.

The more precious His gift, the more anxious God for its return.

I nearly broke out laughing when the wrteched soothsayer warned Caesar: "Beware the Ides of April." I thought it a miracle (and a relief) that no one in the udience had snickered or yelled out a correction. How could such an error be made by an actor? Had my ears deceived me?

Seeing the way his trousers clung to those most English parts.

Without death, life is meaningless. It is a story that can never be told.A song that can never be sung. For how would one finish? - Henry, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

I've been a lifelong horror fan, but at the same time, I would say 90 percent of my reading is biographies and nonfiction history.

I wouldn't back away from what's right just because it's hard.

'Pride and Prejudice' - perhaps more than any other Jane Austen book - is engrained in our literary consciousness.

Every woman before her has been a promise unfulfilled.

Of all the weapons in the world, love is the most dangerous.

There are but two types of men who desire war: those who haven't the slightest intention of fighting it themselves, and those who haven't the slightest idea what it is. ... Any man who has seen the face of death knows better than to seek him out a second time.

So long as this country is cursed with slavery, so too will it be cursed with vampires.

The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it.

I have read of the great wars of ages past, and men slaughtered by the tens of thousands. And we give but fleeting consideration to their deaths, for it is our nature to banish such thoughts.

If you can't have a little fun when you're carrying out an assassination, then what's the point?

Most men have no purpose but to exist, Abraham; to pass quietly through history as minor characters upon a stage they cannot even see

Abraham Lincoln comes from nothing, has no education, no money, lives in the middle of nowhere on the frontier. And despite the fact that he suffers one tragedy and one setback after another, through sheer force of will, he becomes something extraordinary: not only the president but the person who almost single-handedly united the country.

Did this fat little priest mean to take her as a wife? She was horrified at the thought of marrying of man whose only skill with a blade was cutting slivers of gorgonzola.

I wrote one terrible manuscript after another for a decade and I guess they gradually got a little less terrible. But there were many, many unpublished short stories, abandoned screenplays and novels ... a Library of Congress worth of awful literature.

A few of the guests, who had the misfortune of being too near the windows, were seized and feasted on at once. When Elizabeth stood, she saw Mrs. Long struggle to free herself as two female dreadfuls bit into her head, cracking her skull like a walnut, and sending a shower of dark blood spouting as high as the chandeliers.
As guests fled in every direction, Mr. Bennet's voice cut through the commotion. "Girls! Pentagram of Death!"
Elizabeth immediately joined her four sisters, Jane, Mary, Catherine, and Lydia in the center of the dance floor. Each girl produced a dagger from her ankle and stood at the tip of an imaginary five-pointed star. From the center of the room, they began stepping outward in unison - each thrusting a razor-sharp dagger with one hand, the other hand modestly tucked into the small of her back.

If I have wounded your sister's feelings, it was done only as a consequence of affection for my friend, and the belief that Miss Bennet had been cursed to wander the earth in search of brains.

Of all weapons in the world, I now know love to be the most dangerous. For I have suffered a mortal wound. When did I fall so deeply under your spell, Miss Bennet? I cannot fix the hour or the spot or the look or the words which lay the foundation. I was in the middle before I knew I began. But a proud fool I was. I have faced the harsh truth: that I can never hope to win your love in this life.

Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.

But I promise you ... this country will never be destroyed from the outside. Not by any ideology or foreign power ... and certainly not by you.

And though it would not be long before even the daft Mr. Collins would discover her condition, and be forced to behead her, she did not seem to ask for compassion. Her home and her housekeeping, her parish and her poultry, and her ever deepening lust for tender morsels of savory brains had not yet lost their charm.

Without death,' he answered, 'life is meaningless. It is a story that can never be told. A song that can never be sung. For how would one finish it?

I want to be judged harshly because that forces me to really sit down and focus.

When she remembered the haughty style of his address, she dreamt of watching his eyes glaze over as she choked the life from his body;

An empty theater is a promise unfulfilled.In a few hours, everything around him would be light and noise. Laughter and applause. Colorful people packed together in their colorful finery. Tonight, the promise would be fulfilled. And then, after the curtain came down and the gaslights were snuffed out, there would be darkness again. That was the beauty of it. That was theater.

That righteous anger quickly sharpens into determination. Determination, of course, being nothing more than anger with brakes and a steering wheel.

Henry O. Sturges, born in England, March 2nd, 1563. Landed at Roanoke, July 27th, 1587. Friend to the American Revolution, present at the Battles of Trenton and Yorktown, staunch supporter of the North in its hour of need, adviser to presidents, a decorated soldier who distinguished himself in the trenches of the Great War, and member of the Union Brotherhood - a collective of vampires dedicated to preserving the freedom of man and his dominion over the earth.

Try telling a starving vampire to control himself when there's warm blood on his lips. You'd have as much luck telling a burning man not to scream.

From this moment on, nothing is what it seems. You're not a human being, you're a character- and filmmakers are doing everything in their power to kill you even now.
Supernatural powers and curses are real, and numbers like 666 and 237 can kill you just as easily as a butch knife.
Log cabins are slaughterhouses, cornstalks are antennas for evil, and aliens never, ever come in peace.

Well, it sure as hell weren't no tree-climbin' horse. (Jack to Abe)

Either I'm right," he continued, "and he doesn't exist, or you're right, and he's the kind of God who watches children die. The kind of God who sits around while men like Herod build palaces and good people starve. Either way, he's not worth worshipping.

We pore through libraries, dissecting the classics Henry Sturges- vampire

What an excellent father you have, girls!' said she, when the door was shut. 'Such joys are scarce since the good Lord saw fit to close the gates of Hell and doom the dead to walk amongst us.

A man can be whip smart and witty and caught up in the gale of life, chatting up roomfuls of people and making them laugh till their teeth damn near fall out, and at the same time, he can be the world's loneliest, most miserable creature.

A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages; she must be well trained in the fighting styles of the Kyoto masters and the modern tactics and weaponry of Europe. And besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half-deserved. All this she must possess, and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading, meditation, and Oriental discipline.

Surely life has taught you that a thing can be both beautiful and vile.

If you write really good material, the rest just falls into place. There's really no trick to it.

I've always enjoyed reading history, particularly presidential biographies.

My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts. Let us hope for better things. Let us flatter ourselves that Mr. Collins, who seems always eager to talk of Heaven, may be dispatched there by a horde of zombies before I am dead.

This is one hell of a suicide note.
THE SUICIDE SOLILOQUY-
Yes! I've resolved the deed to do,
And this the place to do it;
The heart I'll rush a dagger through
Though I in hell should rue it!
Sweet steel! Come forth from out your sheath,
And glist'ning, speak your powers;
Rip up the organs of my breath,
And draw my blood in showers!
I strike! It quivers in that heart
Which drives me to this end;
I draw and kiss the bloody dart,
My last-my only friend!

Mr. Bingley observed the desserts his poor servants had been attending to at the time of their demise - a delightful array of tarts, exotic fruits and pies, sadly soiled by blood and brains, and thus unusable.

And when this intoxication has worn away ... when every desire is fulfilled and every language learned- when there are no more distant cities to explore; no classics to be studied; not another coin to be stuffed in to one's coffers- what then? One can have all the comforts of the world, but what use are they if there is no comfort in them?

I think common-looking people are the best in the world. That's why the Lord makes so many of them.

But if you read Jane Austen, you know that she had a wicked sense of humor. Not only was she funny, but her early writing was very dark and had a gothic tone to it.

My day job is making TV shows.

The more precious His gift," said Henry, "the more anxious God for its return.

Men have enslaved each other since they invented gods to forgive them for doing it.

One: I am proud to say that my vampires do not sparkle.
Two: I feel like in literature that we've gone [this way] towards the kissing vampires side of the needle. I think it's time we go back towards the killing vampires side of the needle.

It was a really strange and unique sort of process for me to adapt my own book.

This is a most unfortunate affair, and will probably be much talked of. But we must stem the tide of idle chatter, and pour into our wounded bosoms the soothing balm of vengeance.

There was one vampire, however, who refused to leave ... who believed that the dream of a nation of immortals was still within reach - so long as Abraham Lincoln was dead. His name was John Wilkes Booth. FIG.3E - JOHN WILKES BOOTH (SEATED) POSES FOR A PORTRAIT WITH CONFEDERATE PRESIDENT JEFFERSON DAVIS IN RICHMOND, CIRCA 1863.

Your quarrel is with God. I merely wish to offer Him the opportunity to judge you.

History remembers Abe's towering intellect but forgets that, in those days, he was more towering than intellectual.

But there are others of my kind ... those who see themselves as lions among sheep. As kings
superior to man in every way. Why, then, should they be confined to darkness? Why should they fear man?

It was a sort of peace I have rarely enjoyed since. As if we were the only two souls on earth - all of nature ours to enjoy. I wondered why a creator who had dreamt such beauty would have slandered it with such evil. Such grief. Why He had not been content to leave it unspoilt. I still wonder.

I leave you, hoping that the lamp of liberty will burn in your bosoms until there shall no longer be a doubt that all mean are created free and equal.

I should like balls infinitely better," she replied, "if they were carried on in a different manner."
"You should like balls infinitely better," said Darcy, "if you knew the first thing about them.

And I like a mouse who has taken a cat for its tutor.

What makes a good book and what makes a good movie are totally different things.

But I am happy. And happiness, I have decided, is a noble ambition.

Some people say "if we split up,we can cover more ground"-with blood

It is their nature, beautiful and simple. That you would destroy such beings, Mr. Lincoln, such superior creatures, seems madness to me."
"That you speak of them with such reverence, Mr. Poe, seems madness to me."
"Can you imagine it? Can you imagine seeing the universe through such eyes? Laughing in the face of time and death - the world your Garden of Eden? Your library? Your harem?