Russ Harris Quotes

What do you most dislike about yourself?

Having negative thoughts and feelings means I'm a normal human being.

In ACT, whether a thought is true is not that important. Far more important is whether it's helpful.

Myth 2: If You're Not Happy, You're Defective

Basically, expansion means making room for our feelings. If we give unpleasant feelings enough space, they no longer stretch us or strain us.

Thoughts = words inside our heads Images = pictures inside our heads Sensations = feelings inside our bodies.

Some people call this "staying in your comfort zone," but that's not a good name for it because the comfort zone is definitely not comfortable. It should be called the "misery zone" or the "missing-out-on-life zone." In

If you love somebody deeply and you lose that relationship - whether through death, rejection or separation - you will feel pain. That pain is called grief. Grief is a normal emotional reaction to any significant loss, whether a loved one, a job or a limb. There's no way to avoid or get rid of it - it's just there. And, once accepted, it will pass in its own time.
Unfortunately, many of us refuse to accept grief. We will do anything rather than feel it. We may bury ourselves in work, drink heavily, throw ourselves into a new relationship 'on the rebound' or numb ourselves with prescribed medications. But no matter how hard we try to push grief away, deep down inside it's still there. And eventually it will be back.
It's like holding a football underwater. As long as you keep holding it down, it stays beneath the surface. But eventually your arm gets tired and the moment you release your grip, the ball leaps straight up out of the water.

the things we generally value most in life bring with them a whole range of feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant. For example, in an intimate long-term relationship, although you will experience wonderful feelings such as love and joy, you will also inevitably experience disappointment and frustration. There is no such thing as the perfect partner and sooner or later conflicts of interest will happen.

If you're living a goal-focused life, then no matter what you have, it's never enough

If your mind says, "I'll fail!" then simply acknowledge, "I'm having the thought that I'll fail!

And yet, they are nothing more than words, which is why in ACT we often refer to thoughts as stories.

Another way of putting this is that your thinking self produced some thoughts, and your observing self observed them.

We start trying to use defusion as a control strategy, as a way of trying to make our experience different than it is.

When wood and fire combine within the hearth, they provide us with a wonderful experience of warmth. And when purpose and presence combine within our heart, they provide us with a wonderful experience of privilege.

There's an ancient Eastern saying: If you don't decide where you're going, you'll end up wherever you're heading.

Fear is not your enemy. It is a powerful source of energy that can be harnessed and used for your benefit.

Stop trying to control how you feel, and instead take control of what you do.

The world is full of people who are trying to purchase self-confidence, or manufacture it, or who simply posture it. But you can't fake confidence, you have to earn it. If you ask me, the only way to do that is work. You have to do the work.

Despite everything you've tried over the years, isn't it a fact that your mind still produces unpleasant pictures?

Any search for a "pain-free existence" is doomed to failure.

Myth 1: Happiness Is the Natural State for All Human Beings

But wanting to get rid of something is quite different from actively struggling with it.

So by all means, have your beliefs - but hold them lightly. Keep in mind that all beliefs are stories, whether or not they're true.

In ACT, our main interest in a thought is not whether it's true or false, but whether it's helpful; that is, if we pay attention to this thought, will it help us create the life we want?

This particularly tends to happen with depression and anxiety. With anxiety you tend to get hooked by stories about the future, about things that might go wrong and how badly you're sure to handle them.

Accept it. Take effective action to improve it.

The mind loves telling stories; in fact, it never stops.

The fight-or-flight is often triggered in situations where it is of little or no use to us.

How Does a Solution Become a Problem?

One in ten adults will attempt suicide, and one in five will suffer from depression.

The Story Is Not the Event

it's pretty well impossible to create a better life if you're not prepared to have some uncomfortable feelings. However,

Rule 1: The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later.

The feeling of love comes and goes on a whim; you can't control it. But the action of love is something you can do, regardless of how you are feeling.

Unfortunately, many people walk around with the belief that everyone else is happy except for them. And - you guessed it - this belief creates even more unhappiness.

Fulfilment does not mean our difficult emotions disappear; it means we change our relationship with them.

Fusion Excessive expectations Avoidance of discomfort Remoteness from values

The Illusion of Control

I'M HAVING THE THOUGHT THAT . . .

A major concept in ACT is the idea of workability.

The fact that you can act with love even when you don't feel love is very empowering. Why? Because whereas the feelings of love are fleeting and largely out of your control, you can take the actions of love anytime and anyplace for the whole rest of your life.

Today's middle class lives better than did the Royalty of not so long ago, and yet humans today don't seem very happy.

Donna learned quickly that there's no point in beating yourself up when you screw up or fail to follow through. Guilt trips and self-criticism don't motivate you to make meaningful changes; they just keep you stuck, dwelling on the past. So after each relapse, Donna came back to the basic ACT formula: A = Accept your thoughts and feelings and be present. C = Connect with your values. T = Take effective action.

Thus, evolution has shaped our brains so that we are hardwired to suffer psychologically: to compare, evaluate, and criticize ourselves, to focus on what we're lacking, to rapidly become dissatisfied with what we have, and to imagine all sorts of frightening scenarios, most of which will never happen. No wonder humans find it hard to be happy!

The more importance we place on avoiding unpleasant feelings in life, the more our life tends to go downhill.

We call these "control strategies" because they are attempts to directly control how you feel.

Therefore, it makes sense to put your life's energy mainly into action and attention.