Robert Schimmel Famous Quotes
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A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: 'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.' Yeah, where is that? 'Cause I wanna move there.
How do blind people know when they're done wiping their ass?
I went to rent a car, and the guy goes, 'Do you want the extra insurance?' I said, 'Why ... am I gonna get into an extra accident?
I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that's painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that'll be easy to find if that went down in the ocean. That'll be nice, when you're trying to get out and a real whale's humping your window.
Because when you're laughing, there is no other emotion in that moment except for joy.
It's my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude I had. Hopefully, my career as a comic will give me the forum to touch these people.
My daughter saw this billboard for this place: 'Swim With the Dolphins.' She goes, 'I wanna do that.' I said, 'It's a lot of money - forget about it.' She said, 'Dad, I always wanted to swim with the dolphins.' 'Always, or since you saw the sign?
What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit bull, you say, "You better let him finish."
It's fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' Because I have pot in the glove compartment?
