Phoebe Robinson Quotes

At best, us ladies are just a bunch of Mirandas with a slightly better wardrobe and at worst, we're a bunch of Magdas, aka Miranda's housekeeper, which means we're a bunch of nosy bitches who rifle through people's belongings and let them know they masterbate too much.

Let me explain: Like two great athletes who don't play on the same team but meet up on the world stage, blacks and women have always convened at the Oppressed Olympics and given each other a friendly head nod, similar to how when I'm in line at the grocery store and I notice the person in the next checkout line is also buying lemonade.

With that said, don't be trifling about being a feminist. It really infuriates me when high-profile people in your position self-identity as feminists just because it's trendy at the moment and then don't do any of the, you know, actual work of trying to make things equal for everybody. You're going to have to roll up your sleeves and get dirty in order to create a society that takes women as seriously as the men. The type that encourages us to not define ourselves by who we go to bed with at night, but by who and what we see reflected back at us in the mirror in the morning. The type that recognizes that women are not a monolith and that they have wildly different experiences informed by their race and/or sexuality. Be that beacon of light that we can look toward. Be the feminist who will help normalize the idea of Feminism for society. Be the feminist everyone needs. No presh. 3C.

But historically, "white" is a catchall with one very important, toxic difference, in America especially: We're the good ones. The normal ones. The not yous. Even if we're poor, even if we're servants, even if we have no education, even if we're Jewish, we're the ones you can't enslave. We're the ones you can't beat without repercussion, who get to vote, and are protected by laws no matter what.

Nope. You can't touch my hair. Even if my hair catches on fire, do not come to my rescue; just let me do a Michael Jackson spin move to put the blaze out.

#NoShade, but if United Airlines were a person, it would be Mischa Barton, just real basic AF.

I was told this comment was only a "joke." Hell to the no. I don't care how chummy we are, you don't get to be racist in the name of comedy. There's nothing funny about reducing me to the damaging stereotypes that have stuck around for centuries.

Have the WNBA lower the hoops. Because even though layups get the job done, they're lame. Seriously, layups look the way Woody Allen talks. Wimpy as fuck.

It was so hot that I get why the devil leaves hell to take an Airbnb vacation to the polar ice caps and melts them because he's mad at living in such a hot-ass home.

The message that society sends to black women is that their hair does not belong to them but is fair game to be discussed, mocked, judged, used, and abused, and it serves as a home for people's preconceived notions about blackness, as if it is an abstract concept that is not connected to living, breathing, and feeling human beings.

At the time of this writing, Donald Trump seeks the Republican nomination supported largely by a bunch of angry white people who sense where history is going and DO NOT LIKE IT AT ALL and are therefore hoping that if they punch and shove enough brown people, it will fix it. Perhaps when you read this, Donald Trump will be president or maybe superking. But even if that happens, he shall pass. Time does not go backward.

And maybe they don't because they're under the misapprehension that because I talk about race a lot, that I must love talking about it. I don't. And I'll let you in on a little secret about what other black people rarely say: Explaining your life to a world that doesn't care to listen is often more draining than living in it.

Whenever someone tells you that you're doing XYZ like a girl, then you can whip out, "Thank you, hater, you're my motivator," and then go back to being XX chromosome AF.

I mean, freebasing cocaine on the regs will mess up your bank account, cause you to lose your friends, and lead to rehab, but eating comfort food that is terrible for you, will, OK, slowly kill you over many decades, but also like, maybe not?

I'd often refer to myself as a "tomboy," until I learned that liking and watching sports but not actually being good at them does not make you a tomboy, it makes you a human.

When we would visit, the ritual was the same. My grandfather would put out a spread on the kitchen table: six or eight kinds of lunch meat, including Pennsylvania esoterics like Lebanon bologna and souse; white and rye bread; pickles; two mustards; and mayonnaise. We would all sit around that kitchen table and construct our sandwiches and then eat those sandwiches in silence, because that is how white people show affection.

Let me just say this right now, in case there's any confusion in 2016: If you're a white person and you have references on standby to verify that you're allowed to say the N-word, you are probably the last person on planet Earth who should be saying nigga.