Kate Bolick Quotes

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Didn't she remember that being single is more than just following your whims - that it also means having nobody to help you make difficult decisions, or comfort you at the end of a bad week?
Kate Bolick Quotes: Didn't she remember that being
I suspected (and still do) that I would love being a mother...
Kate Bolick Quotes: I suspected (and still do)
When the present feels as endless as an impossibly long hallway between airport terminals, white and sterile and numb, we're particularly receptive to signs.
Kate Bolick Quotes: When the present feels as
Today we tell girls to grow up to be or do whatever they want. But the cultural pressure to become a mother remains very strong; rare is she who doesn't at least occasionally succumb to the nagging fear that if she remains childless, she'll live to regret it.
Kate Bolick Quotes: Today we tell girls to
I've always known that a book will find you when you need to be found; in New York I learned that so does history.
Kate Bolick Quotes: I've always known that a
...go live happily alone requires a serious amount of intentional thought. It's not as simple as signing the lease on your own apartment and leaving it at that. You must figure out what you need to feel comfortable at home and in the world, no matter your means (indeed, staying within your means), and arrange your life accordingly--a metaphorical architecture.
Kate Bolick Quotes: ...go live happily alone requires
She never talked about wanting to have children. I believe she wanted solitude and cats.
Kate Bolick Quotes: She never talked about wanting
The question I'd long posed to myself - whether to be married or to be single - is a false binary. The space in which I've always wanted to live - indeed, where I have spend my adulthood - isn't between those two poles, but beyond it. The choice between being married versus being single doesn't even belong here in the twenty-first century.
Kate Bolick Quotes: The question I'd long posed
It inspired me to diversify my portfolio of attachments, so to speak, partly so I wouldn't overwhelm any one person with the fire hose of my 'undelivered discourse,' but also to protect myself from leaning to heavily on a buttress that couldn't and shouldn't sustain my full weight.
Kate Bolick Quotes: It inspired me to diversify
Generally, after three dates one of three things took place: 1) he'd express his lack of interest with a silent fade-out that made me go insane with anxiety; 2) I'd express my lack of interest with an overlong and tortured "it's not you, it's me" e-mail; 3) we'd devolve into a sexual entanglement that either was or wasn't physically satisfying but invariably thrived on noncommunication. After a while it seemed that everyone I knew was tangled in several entanglements at a time, as if we were all becoming intertwined, like a giant rat king, our tails a knotted mass, our mouths gasping for air.
Kate Bolick Quotes: Generally, after three dates one
I've always considered myself to be similar. I'm no recluse, but, like an introvert, I need a lot of time alone to reflect and recharge, and I am easily drained by being around others, but at the same time, like an extrovert, I'm energized by parties and conversation.
Kate Bolick Quotes: I've always considered myself to
Being single is like being an artist, not because creating a functional single life is an art form, but because it requires the same close attention to one's singular needs, as well as the will and focus to fulfill them. Just as the artist arranges her life around her creativity, sacrificing conventional comforts and even social acceptance, sleeping and eating according to her own rhythms, so that her talent thrives above all else, nurtured the way a child might be, so a single person has to think hard to decipher what makes her happiest and most fulfilled.
Kate Bolick Quotes: Being single is like being
The only landscape to make my heart both lift and ache is the ocean, and realizing that it had been this way for Edna [Millay], too, and that we had both grown up perched on the rocky edge of the continent, gazing out at a vast, choppy vista with sounds and scents as distinct as any animal's, uncomprehendingly deep and cold and wide, yet there to be waded through, swum in, boated across -- surely this instilled in us a taste for possibility.
Kate Bolick Quotes: The only landscape to make
I was most alive when alone, negotiating odd encounters on the subway, surging along the sidewalk with a million faceless others. It was an expansive sensation, evasive, addictive. Each morning I rushed from the apartment to find it, as if late for an appointment.
Kate Bolick Quotes: I was most alive when
my mother died unexpectedly, and in the months that followed I'd been gutted to discover that without our conversations, which I'd always assumed would be there for the having, I had absolutely no idea how to make sense of myself.
Kate Bolick Quotes: my mother died unexpectedly, and
At first I thought it was simply that the specter of the crazy bag lady has been branded so simply into the collective female consciousness that we're stuck with her. Now I realized I was wrong. What is haunting about the bag lady is not only that she is left to wander the streets, cold and hungry, but that she's living proof of what it means to not be loved. Her apparition will endure as long as women consider the love of a man the most supreme of all social validations.
Kate Bolick Quotes: At first I thought it
How even I, "a dutiful daughter," as Simone de Beauvoir once described her young self, was living a life so different from my mother's; when she was my age she was married, about to become pregnant with me. I was beginning to think that this habit of mind - constantly tracing myself back to my mother, to where she'd begun and left off - wasn't idiosyncratic, but something that many if not most women did, a feature of the female experience.
Kate Bolick Quotes: How even I,
We need much better and many more models. We need movies where women are attractive and interesting and have great lives and may not be married." She cautioned that conjuring possible selves on our own isn't enough - institutional support is also necessary. "Schools, workplaces, laws, norms, the media - they all need to make it clear that there are other ways to be a woman or a member of one minority group or another.
Kate Bolick Quotes: We need much better and
Few realizations are as demoralizing as knowing that the only thing standing between you and what you want is yourself,
Kate Bolick Quotes: Few realizations are as demoralizing
Coupling, I realized, can encourage a fairly static way of being, with each partner exaggerating or repressing certain qualities in relation to the other's.
Kate Bolick Quotes: Coupling, I realized, can encourage
Married women, especially those with children, tended to assume a superior stance, as if their insights into people and relationships came preapproved, even though single women drew from a larger store of experiences and had often seen more of the world, from which the wisdom I wanted to discover was derived.
Kate Bolick Quotes: Married women, especially those with
I never shall be an old maid, because I have elected to be a Girl Bachelor.
Kate Bolick Quotes: I never shall be an
If you are lucky, home is not only a place that you leave, but also a place where you someday arrive.
Kate Bolick Quotes: If you are lucky, home
including Edna Millay, there were five such women: essayist Maeve Brennan, columnist Neith Boyce, novelist Edith Wharton, and social visionary Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
Kate Bolick Quotes: including Edna Millay, there were
She'd raised me in her image to be the one true friend she'd never had, and now neither of us would ever know the conversations we'd waited for all our lives.
Kate Bolick Quotes: She'd raised me in her
Those of us who've bypassed the exits for marriage and children tend to motor through our thirties like unlicensed drivers, unauthorized grownups.
Kate Bolick Quotes: Those of us who've bypassed
The first thing that struck me was how the single women of my acquaintance were exceptionally alert to the people around them, generous in their attention, ready to engage in conversation or share a joke. Having nobody to go home to at night had always seemed a sad and lonesome fate; now I saw that being forced to leave the house for human contact encourages a person to live more fully in the world. In the best instances, the result was an intricate lacework of friendships varying in intensity and closeness that could be, it seemed, just as sustaining as a nuclear family, and possibly more appealing.
Kate Bolick Quotes: The first thing that struck
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