Jenny Eclair Quotes

I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.

I am best viewed from a distance ... and at night.

I only socialise with people that I have a lot in common with.

I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.

I am not sure gender ever won't be an issue in comedy, because I think that women do have different priorities in some respects.

I don't think I'm successful.

I can't tan naturally.

If I do go to the beach there have to be certain rules: it can't be a pebbly beach, there has to be some shade and there has to be a beach bar. I don't want to go off the beaten track.

I've got this horrible feeling that I'm one of those people who'll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.

After graduating from flares and platforms in the early 1970s, I started drama school wearing a pair of khaki dungarees with one of my Dad's Army shirts, accessorised by a cat's basket doubling as a handbag. Very Lady Gaga.

I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.

I admire the Elsie Tanners and Barbara Windsors of the world: people who have crawled back from the abyss. I'm quite camp in that respect.

My daughter has always had a strong sense of her own identity. From the day she was born her father and I were in love with and in awe of her and still are.

I have always had a need for attention but didn't plan to be a comic.

People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.

There should be more booing in shops and restaurants and places like that when when the service is bad. If you've had a poor breakfast in a hotel, you should put your knife and fork down and boo.

For me, being a woman suits what I want to talk about and what my audience wants to hear. Maybe I'm a dying breed.

The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.

Family is the one thing that is definitely not disposable.

I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.

I still can't set up the ironing-board. A complete Luddite.

I have a very solo career. I only write with people that I really adore.

I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.

I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.

I prefer highs and lows to an even keel. Moderation is never something I've been good at.

My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!

I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.

I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.

I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.

I've got a hat face. My mother always said I've got a hat face.

I am best viewed from a distance.

I'm very bad at having heroes. I don't rate anyone particularly highly because I'm so snide and competitive and not very nice.

Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.

I'm the least spiritual person in the world. I can't even abide a smelly candle. I know it's meant to make me relax, and that immediately makes my hackles rise.