Danielle Younge-Ullman Famous Quotes
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Where is it supposed to go when you move on from it?
Jin rejoins us, and we march on. There are tears streaming down my face now, along with the sweat. They're from the physical pain. They're from all the pain. Sometime since we started across, every last shred of my inner fortification has burned away and i feel everything; all the memories, all of my pushed-down, blocked-out joys and sorrows and regrets lick up and down my insides, matching the searing of my muscles, the agony of a forest burned to the ground, the awfulness of the mother and baby raccoons. I weep and walk and climb and stumble, and my arms and shoulders and abs and back and legs and feet scream.
Every action, or lack of action, takes a decision. And a decision takes energy. And every bit of energy taken in making decisions about stupid things takes energy from the important things.
Because this is the love I want. This is a good love, a love that could be right. And if I accept it,if I give back to him what is in me to give, I will have purchased him with my soul. My soul, that has been broken and cobbled back together, with some of the pieces not quite fitting right. And though I believe in time healing these things, still, I do not love with lightness...
My demon is you. My best and worst is about you: how I need you and fear for you, how I fear for myself if I lose you, how I have let myself be defined by you.
Certain memories, certain thoughts,are holes...holes ripped in you, through which precious things escape and leave you wanting, needing, gaping open. Laughter and belonging and comfort gush out, leaving their tracks but not their substance.
And you are left empty, a skeleton,a shell with wind rushing through you and a sensation of sinking, barely existing...
Nothing guarantees happiness. I'm not certain happiness should be the goal. Satisfaction, maybe. A sense of purpose. Contribution. Authenticity. Happiness? It's a lightweight goal. And meanwhile, I suspect that turning away from yourself will guarantee the opposite of happiness.
We're all liars about something.
I want to live. I want to sing, and tell stories and be connected with something larger than myself. I want to give everything I have, even if it hurts, even if it leaves me beaten down and hollowed out. I want it.
