Colin Mochrie Quotes

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I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'All the world's a stage, and you are CRAP!'
Colin Mochrie Quotes: I believe it was Shakespeare
Did you know that ... 'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Did you know that ...
Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Give me liberty or give
The Hills are alive with the sound of CRAP!
Colin Mochrie Quotes: The Hills are alive with
Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, dead at 53. Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eyewitnesses report, that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, dead
Give me liberty or a bran muffin!
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Give me liberty or a
Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, well, if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it, but, unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed
Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Nine out of ten Americans
This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: This just in: Beverly Hills
As I get older, I'm trying to accept improvisation into my day-to-day living.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: As I get older, I'm
NASA sends probe to Uranus, people everywhere giggle.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: NASA sends probe to Uranus,
Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Please call your second witness,
The American audiences are more vocal and enthusiastic. British audiences tend to sit back a little more.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: The American audiences are more
Hey, come on, I've seen younger faces on money. Money.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Hey, come on, I've seen
There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: There are so many things
I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: I think the challenge is
Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum ... but come on down. We're going crazy.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Many people think it's in
Let me play a man in a scene.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Let me play a man
Why are there so many trees in the jungle?
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Why are there so many
My mother on her death bed told me, 'Where the hell did that kangaroo come from!?' - it just popped out of nowhere and punched her in the head and caused a cerebral hemorrhage, so I thought I'd move to a country where there were no kangaroos!
Colin Mochrie Quotes: My mother on her death
I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: I'm a traveling practical joker.
But you know, we have more hits than you can possibly think about. One of my personal favorite artists is the wonderful artist named Cher. And although I love much of her late stuff, her early stuff was the stuff that I really, really loved.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: But you know, we have
I have many favorite artists ... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!
Colin Mochrie Quotes: I have many favorite artists
Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires,
The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: The people who influenced me
I was a bookworm. Every week I'd go to the library and get seven books. Remember libraries? I wonder if people still go. And I learned about everything from the library. I came from a Scottish family. Old school.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: I was a bookworm. Every
For as long as I can remember I've had memories.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: For as long as I
We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: We'll be back to our
Hi, well soon return you to the dyslexic production of Bitty Bitty Chang Chang ...
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Hi, well soon return you
We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh ... We'll do whatever it takes.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: We want to be funny.
The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra
There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: There's many times this year
When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!
Colin Mochrie Quotes: When you kill someone by
You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: You know, in the 1970's,
Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.
Colin Mochrie Quotes: Our top story tonight: Famous
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