Charles Portis Quotes

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Lookin' back is a bad habit.
Charles Portis Quotes: Lookin' back is a bad
Do they pay you by the hour or what? Norwood said to the monocled peanut face.
Charles Portis Quotes: Do they pay you by
I noticed that the houses in Fort Smith were numbered but it was no city at all compared to Little Rock. I thought then and still think that Fort Smith ought to be in Oklahoma instead of Arkansas ...
Charles Portis Quotes: I noticed that the houses
I don't know what position you're talking about, sir. The Gnomon Society has never questioned the rotundity of the earth. Mr. Jimmerson is himself a skilled topographer."
"Excuse me, Mr. Popper, but I have it right here in Mr. Jimmerson's own words on page twenty-nine of 101 Gnomon Facts."
"No, sir. Excuse me but you don't. Please look again. Read that passage carefully and you'll see what we actually say is that the earth looks flat. We still say that. It's so flat around Brownsville as to be striking to the eye."
"But isn't that just a weasel way of saying that you really believe if to be flat?"
"Not at all. What we're saying is that the curvature of the earth is so gentle, relative to our human scale of things, that we need not bother or take it into account when going for a stroll, say, or laying out our gardens.
Charles Portis Quotes: I don't know what position
In a very few minutes this torture was mercifully ended. Blackie fell to the ground and died, his brave heart burst and mine broken. There never lived a nobler pony.
Charles Portis Quotes: In a very few minutes
Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!
Charles Portis Quotes: Fill your hand, you son
Rooster said, "Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!" and he took the reins in his teeth and pulled the other saddle revolver and drove his spurs into the flanks of his strong horse Bo and charged directly at the bandits. It was a sight to see. He held the revolvers wide on either side of the head of his plunging steed. The four bandits accepted the challenge and they likewise pulled their arms and charged their ponies ahead.
Charles Portis Quotes: Rooster said,
As he drank, little brown drops of coffee clung to his mustache like dew. Men will live like billy goats if they are let alone.
Charles Portis Quotes: As he drank, little brown
I have known some horses and a good many more pigs who I believe harbored evil intent in their hearts. I will go further and say all cats are wicked, though often useful. Who has not seen Satan in their sly faces?
Charles Portis Quotes: I have known some horses
I said, 'I don't like the way you look.'
Quincy stopped his work. He said, 'Are you talking to me, runt?'
I said, 'Yes, and I will say it again. I don't like the way you look and I don't like the way you are cutting up that turkey. I hope you go to jail. My lawyer will not help you.
Charles Portis Quotes: I said, 'I don't like
There is nothing free except the Grace of God.
Charles Portis Quotes: There is nothing free except
It was old President Diaz who said that nothing ever happens in Mexico until it happens. Things rock along from day to day, and then all at once you are caught up in a rush of unforeseen events.
Charles Portis Quotes: It was old President Diaz
That is the way of it. - Rooster Cogburn
Charles Portis Quotes: That is the way of
Who is the best marshal they have?'
The sheriff thought on it for a minute. He said, 'I would have to weigh that proposition. There is near about two hundred of them. I reckon William Waters is the best tracker. He is a half-breed Comanche and it is something to see, watching him cut for sign. The meanest one is Rooster Cogburn. He is a pitiless man, double-tough, and fear don't enter into his thinking. He loves to pull a cork. Now L.T. Quinn, he brings his prisoners in alive. He may let one get by now and then but he believes even the worst of men is entitled to a fair shake. Also the court does not pay any fees for dead men. Quinn is a good peace officer and a lay preacher to boot. He will not plant evidence or abuse a prisoner. He is straight as a string. Yes, I will say Quinn is about the best they have.'
I said, 'Where can I find this Rooster?
Charles Portis Quotes: Who is the best marshal
People do not give it credence that a fourteen-year-old girl could leave home and go off in the wintertime to avenge her father's blood but it did not seem so strange then, although I will say it did not happen every day. I was just fourteen years of age when a coward going by the name Tom Chaney shot my father down in Fort Smith, Arkansas, and robbed him of his life and his horse and $150 in cash money plus two California gold pieces that he carried in his trouser band.
Charles Portis Quotes: People do not give it
A lot of people leave Arkansas and most of them come back sooner or later. They can't quite achieve escape velocity.
Charles Portis Quotes: A lot of people leave
wind came up through the floor hole in such a way that the Heath wrappers were suspended behind my head in a noisy brown vortex
Charles Portis Quotes: wind came up through the
MR.GOUDY: I believe you testified that you backed away from Aaron Wharton.
MR.COGBURN: That is right.
MR.GOUDY: You were backing away?
MR.COGBURN: Yes sir. He had that ax raised.
MR.GOUDY: Which direction were you going?
MR.COGBURN: I always go backwards when I am backing up.
Charles Portis Quotes: MR.GOUDY: I believe you testified
We must each of us bear our own misfortunes.
Charles Portis Quotes: We must each of us
One time you smash a bug with no mercy. Another time you find one helpless on his back with his legs flailing the air, and you flip him over and let him go on his way. The struggle that touches the heart.
Charles Portis Quotes: One time you smash a
You are a pearl of great price to me, but there are times when you are an almighty trial to those who love you.
Charles Portis Quotes: You are a pearl of
I confess [Election] is a hard doctrine, running contrary to our earthly ideas of fair play, but I can see no way around it. Read I Corinthians 6:13 and II Timothy 1:9,10. Also I Peter 1:2,19,20 and Romans 11:7. There you have it. It was good for Paul and Silas and it is good enough for me. It is good enough for you too.
Charles Portis Quotes: I confess [Election] is a
I know what they said even if they would not say it to my face. People love to talk. They love to slander you if you have any substance.
Charles Portis Quotes: I know what they said
I didn't care for beat reporting, covering the same thing day after day - short attention span.
Charles Portis Quotes: I didn't care for beat
Listen, here's what I'd like to do: I'd like to live in a trailer and play records all night.
Charles Portis Quotes: Listen, here's what I'd like
LaBoeuf's fair-complected face became congested with angry blood
Charles Portis Quotes: LaBoeuf's fair-complected face became congested
Mexican homes as a rule are closed off to the world by high blank walls of yellowish masonry, topped with broken glass to discourage escaladores, or climbing burglars. The gardens and fountains and other delights are hidden, as in an Arab city.
Charles Portis Quotes: Mexican homes as a rule
If I had received good instruction as a child I would be with my family today and at peace with my neighbors. I hope and pray that all you parents in the sound of my voice will train up your children in the way they should go.
Charles Portis Quotes: If I had received good
She said, 'Goodbye, Reuben, a love for decency does not abide in you.' There is your divorced woman talking about decency. I told her, I said, 'Goodbye, Nola, I hope that little nail selling bastard will make you happy this time.
Charles Portis Quotes: She said, 'Goodbye, Reuben, a
He drank even as he rode, which looked difficult. I cannot say it slowed him down any, but it did make him silly. Why do people wish to be silly?
Charles Portis Quotes: He drank even as he
If you want anything done right you will have to see to it yourself every time.
Charles Portis Quotes: If you want anything done
You put things off and then one morning you wake up and say - today I will change the oil in my truck.
Charles Portis Quotes: You put things off and
But I had not the strength nor the inclination to bandy words with a drunkard. What have you done when you have bested a fool?
Charles Portis Quotes: But I had not the
You're afraid of smart women, aren't you?'
She had used this ploy before, having heard via the female bush telegraph that it was unanswerable. She was right though. I was leery of them. Art and Mike said taking an intellectual woman into your home was like taking in a baby raccoon. They were both amusing for a while but soon became randomly vicious and learned how to open the refrigerator.
Charles Portis Quotes: You're afraid of smart women,
I don't believe in fairy tales, sermons, or stories about money, but thanks for the cigarette, baby sister . . .
Charles Portis Quotes: I don't believe in fairy
In South Texas I saw three interesting things. The first was a tiny girl, maybe ten years old, driving in a 1965 Cadillac. She wasn't going very fast, because I passed her, but still she was cruising right along, with her head tilted back and her mouth open and her little hands gripping the wheel.

Then I saw an old man walking up the median strip pulling a wooden cross behind him. It was mounted on something like a golf cart with two spoked wheels. I slowed down to read the hand-lettered sign on his chest.

JACKSONVILLE
FLA OR BUST

I had never been to Jacksonville but I knew it was the home of the Gator Bowl and I had heard it was a boom town, taking in an entire county or some such thing. It seemed an odd destination for a religious pilgrim. Penance maybe for some terrible sin, or some bargain he had worked out with God, or maybe just a crazed hiker. I waved and called out to him, wishing him luck, but he was intent on his marching and had no time for idle greetings. His step was brisk and I was convinced he wouldn't bust.

The third interesting thing was a convoy of stake-bed trucks all piled high with loose watermelons and cantaloupes. I was amazed. I couldn't believe that the bottom ones weren't crushed under all that weight, exploding and spraying hazardous melon juice onto the highway. One of nature's tricks with curved surfaces. Topology! I had never made it that far in mathematics and engineering studies, and I knew no
Charles Portis Quotes: In South Texas I saw
You cannot carry water on both shoulders.
Charles Portis Quotes: You cannot carry water on
Tom Chaney would pay for this! I would not rest easy until that Louisiana cur was roasting and screaming in hell!
Charles Portis Quotes: Tom Chaney would pay for
Rooster here has missed Ned a few times himself, horse and all,' said the captain. 'I reckon his is on his way now to missing him again.'

Rooster was holding a bottle with a little whiskey in it. He said, 'You keep on thinking that.' He drained off the whiskey in about three swallows and tapped the cork back in and tossed the bottle up in the air. He pulled his revolver and fired at it twice and missed. The bottle fell and rolled and Rooster shot at it two or three more times and broke it on the ground. He got out his sack of cartridges and reloaded his pistol. He said, 'The Chinaman is running them cheap shells in on me again.'

LaBoeuf said, 'I thought maybe the sun was in your eyes. That is to say, your eye.'

Rooster swung the cylinder back in his revolver and said, 'Eyes, is it? I'll show you eyes!' He jerked the sack of corn dodgers free from his saddle baggage. He got one of the dodgers out and flung it in the air and fired at it and missed. Then he flung another one up and he hit it. The corn dodger exploded. He was pleased with himself and he got a fresh bottle of whiskey from his baggage and treated himself to a drink.

LaBoeuf pulled one of his revolvers and got two dodgers out of the sack and tossed them both up. He fired very rapidly but he only hit one. Captain Finch tried it with two and missed both of them. Then he tried with one and made a successful shot. Rooster shot at two and hit one. They drank whiskey and used up
Charles Portis Quotes: Rooster here has missed Ned
Babcock knew no Southerners personally but he had seen them in court often enough ... and Ed's manner and appearance said Dixie to him. He imagined Ed at home with his family, a big one, from old geezers to toddlers. He saw them eating their yams and pralines and playing their fiddles and dancing their jigs and guffawing over coarse jokes and beating one another to death with agricultural implements.
Charles Portis Quotes: Babcock knew no Southerners personally
It was still dark outside and bitter cold although mercifully there was little wind. Why is it calm in the early morning? You will notice that lakes are usually still and smooth before daybreak.
Charles Portis Quotes: It was still dark outside
Now I was surprised and light-headed, like a domestic fowl that finds itself able to fly over a low fence in a moment of terror.
Charles Portis Quotes: Now I was surprised and
I am ready. I have repented my sins and soon I will be in heaven with Christ my savior. Now I must die like a man.
Charles Portis Quotes: I am ready. I have
The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner.
Charles Portis Quotes: The stone which the builders
The kind of people I know now don't have barbecues, Mama. They stand up alone at nights in small rooms and eat cold weenies. My so-called friends are bums. Many of them are nothing but rats. They spread T.B. and use dirty language. They're wife-beaters and window peepers and night crawlers and dope fiends. They have running sores on the backs of their hands that never heal. They peer up from cracks in the floor with their small red eyes and wait for chances.
Charles Portis Quotes: The kind of people I
At your tongue every few minutes." "I will not slow you down. I am a good enough rider." "I will not be stopping at boardinghouses with warm beds and plates of hot grub on the table. It will be traveling fast and eating light. What little sleeping is done will take place on the ground." "I have slept out at night. Papa took me and Little Frank coon hunting last summer on the Petit Jean." "Coon hunting?" "We were out in the woods all night. We sat around a big fire and Yarnell told ghost stories. We had a good time." "Blast coon hunting! This ain't no coon hunt, it don't come in forty miles of being a coon hunt!" "It is the same idea as a coon hunt. You are just trying to make your
Charles Portis Quotes: At your tongue every few
As for his height, I would put it at no more than five feet nine inches - he being fully erect, out of his monkey crouch - and yet he brazenly put down five feet eleven on all forms and applications ... He wore glasses, the lenses thick and greasy, which distorted the things of the world into unnatural shapes. I myself have never needed glasses. I can read roadsigns a halfmile away and I can see individual stars and planets to the seventh magnitude with no optical aids whatever. I can see Uranus.
Charles Portis Quotes: As for his height, I
I will go further and say all cats are wicked, though often useful
Charles Portis Quotes: I will go further and
Nothing is too long or too short either if you have a true and interesting tale and what I call a "graphic" writing style combined with educational aims.
Charles Portis Quotes: Nothing is too long or
When the beer came, I dipped a finger in it and wet down each corner of the paper napkin to anchor it, so it would not come up with the mug each time and make me appear ridiculous. I
Charles Portis Quotes: When the beer came, I
If you don't have no schooling you are up against it in this country, sis. That is the way of it. No sir, that man has no chance any more. No matter if he has got sand in his craw, others will push him aside, little thin fellows that have won spelling bees back home.
Charles Portis Quotes: If you don't have no
That's bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.
Charles Portis Quotes: That's bold talk for a
A reporter from 'The Times' wanted to arm-wrestle, and as I recall, he kept challenging me. So we went at it, and there was a pop. His arm broke. Very strange. He went into a kind of swoon.
Charles Portis Quotes: A reporter from 'The Times'
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