Cathy Burnham Martin Quotes

Sexy is a decision. We decide that our spouse looks sexy to us. Period. It doesn't matter our age or how long we've been together.

It matters little which party has gotten lazy about delivering what their partner craves. It doesn't take too many days or weeks for an unsatisfied partner to start to feel love-starved and sadly unfulfilled. If you want great sex in the bedroom, show love to each other outside the bedroom.

Apologies require taking full responsibility. No half-truths, no partial admissions, no rationalizations, no finger pointing, and no justifications belong in any apology.

Appreciation and respect are mutual needs. We may be wired differently as men and women, but some needs are parallel human needs.

Life belongs to optimists. Pessimists are just viewers. Making it real, starts with our attitude.

When we resort to screaming at someone, we are revealing weakness and a sense of helplessness. If we can't seem to get our message or feelings across any other way, then we get angry, and we get loud!

Part of moving forward often involves stumbling a few steps back.

It takes a strong woman to tolerate a weak man. That said, it takes a strong man to tolerate a weak woman, too.

Discouragers are the folks who regularly see the glass as half-empty, and they do not want anyone else to get one that's half full.

Cheating is pure hypocrisy. Our partner deserves better than that. If we don't love someone, we should not be with them. That would also be hypocrisy.

If someone yells at me, they are not expressing love. They may be threatening me. They may be expressing great frustration with me. They may simply be trying to control my behavior. However, they are not communicating love.

If we are sharing challenges and concerns, laughter and life stories, dreams and dramas with someone other than our mate, we are making precious, intimate connections with someone other than our mate. We need to keep not only physical, but emotional and intellectual connections strong and active with our beloved.

We live far happier lives when we are generous in as many ways as possible.

We could choose to celebrate our differences, rather than over-analyze them. This might help us become more realistic about the generalizations to which we subscribe. For example, consider this. If women are the overemotional ones, why do so many bar fights break out between men? Such brawls do not spring from logical, calm places.

In truth, if it isn't to save your life when it's in imminent danger, someone yelling at you is just plain wrong. The same is true for ranting or bitching. The same goes double for anything even close to manhandling.

When we fail to be tolerant of others, we fail.

Most single people are sick of married people presenting themselves as both available and interested, when indeed they are merely "playing." Oh, yeah… and cheating. Gee, that is attractive. Not! Others could not care less what someone's marital status might be.

Folks who scream the loudest get heard, and those who spew the most negative, most repeatedly, get falsely perceived as telling the truth.

I am a great believer in not pushing each other's "buttons" just because we know where they are! That's part of trusting each other. We need to trust that our vulnerabilities and challenges are safe with the person we love.

When it comes to people… you could aptly say that I am a racist… a human racist. I believe in people. There are good and not-so-good people of all colors and creeds. I'm not here to judge. Period. As people, we draw judgments from others when we behave badly, especially when we try to blame our bad behavior on others. This is not based on race, age, sex, or religion. It's based on behavior differences.

I think we need to develop a powerful dose of tolerance to understand each other's humanness. None of us is perfect.

There is tremendous trauma in the betrayal caused by a perpetual liar as they repeatedly commit psychological abuse.

It matters not which partner is bringing negativity into conversations and exchanges. Toxicity has no place at all between people who have promised to love each other.

No one else "makes" us do anything. They can't make us nag them, or make us angry, or make us have to strike out at them, or make us drink alcohol, or make us yell at them, or anything else. We are responsible for our choices, including our responses and reactions.

We will remember the hurt, the injustice, and the trauma, but we can forgive the sinner.

We would not want the joy of physical and sexual intimacy to fade after years together. We need to also remember to keep our intellectual and emotional intimacy every bit as sacred.

If a man or a woman starts "expecting" sex, then it is no longer special, and a lover will likely start to feel used.

We may repeatedly try to get our need for sex or our need for communication met by our partner. If our attempts are met with rejection over and over again, we may eventually stop asking. We tend to give up rather than keep setting ourselves up for regular rejection.

Encouragers turn mountains into molehills. Discouragers turn molehills into mountains.

Skip the urge to respond to a road rage invitation. I find that my days are far more smooth and pleasant when I don't give someone the leverage to annoy or stress me. Just smile, giggle to yourself, or wave "hi" with a wag of your pinky finger, if you must. But then the incident is over, and no stress or annoyance remains, at least not in my car. The self-centered driver has the negative attitude. Don't let someone else's poor behavior choices become contagious.

If someone is not lifting us up, they are holding us down.

Discouragers talk at you. Discouragers genuinely want you to hear their opinions.

Trust means that they will never throw our pain and vulnerabilities in our face. Trust means we know they will protect us and our innermost thoughts and shared feelings without question.

Only kind people are truly tolerant.
Only gentle people are truly strong.

It's amazing how many cheaters and liars believe they won't be caught. News Flash: In today's age of technology, there won't just be a paper trail. There will be multiple electronic and digital trails, as well.

We want to be with Encouragers, and we want to be like them.

We never want to be taken for granted, but our partners should be able to expect our honest loyalty. That is a powerfully strong foundation block for a relationship. I want to meet the greatest expectations, without being the greatest fraud.

Past misdeeds must only serve as a reference point in calm conversation about lessons learned or actions that taught us to behave better. They should never be bantered about with sarcasm, anger, or nastiness.

Some people believe that if they yell and scream, others will get the point of just how serious they are. For me, all I get is the point of just how out of control that someone is.

It requires neither time nor money to be kind.

I am calling for uncommon decency. Respect that comes from awareness.

Adding more bull to bull yields bigger bull.

Great memories really can help overwhelm grief.

Societies that have condoned male cheating and condemned female cheating are simply male-dominated cultures. Cheating is cheating, no matter who is doing it. It's wrong.