Caitlyn Siehl Quotes

I will learn your anger. I will lick your sadness.
I will feast on your hunger.

I did not fall in love with you,
I was born on the floor.
Everything else was just remembering.

I wore your armor just to feel deathless.

They all tell you not to fight fire with fire,
but that is only because they are afraid of your flames.

I could wish for something softer
but you know me.
I love a tragedy.
I love when it's urgent.

It ends or it doesn't.
That's what you say. That's
how you get through it.
The tunnel, the night,
the pain, the love.
It ends or it doesn't.
If the sun never comes up,
you find a way to live
without it.
If they don't come back,
you sleep in the middle of the bed,
learn how to make enough coffee
for yourself alone.
Adapt. Adjust.
It ends or it doesn't.
It ends or it doesn't.
We do not perish.

when you walk, you look like you're trying to disappear.
your back is gonna be fucked up.
why do you think change is so hard? is it because you're afraid?
people might think you're pretty, but they'll never love you.
you talk like you're apologizing for your own voice.
speak up.
grow up.
find your spine, stop shrinking.
there is nothing brave about keeping silent.
how many times have you been in love? I can't picture it ever happening for you.
you lie because it makes you feel free. this is a prison.
you're always gonna think about him. you will never get him out of your system.
I wish I never had to see you again.
you poor thing.
go to hell.
you may be a nice person but you will never be a good person.
no one is ever going to want to touch you.
is there a vision in your head of who you want to be?
you do not have the strength to become her.
there is no boat big enough to keep you from drowning in the sea of yourself.
go to bed, baby.
you are tired from all of this nothing.
sleep.
rest.

Start by pulling him out of the fire and
hoping that he will forget the smell.
He was supposed to be an angel but they took him
from that light and turned him into something hungry,
something that forgets what his hands are for when they
aren't shaking.
He will lose so much, and you will watch it all happen
because you had him first, and you would let the world
break its own neck if it means keeping him.
Start by wiping the blood off of his chin and
pretending to understand.
Repeat to yourself
"I won't leave you, I won't leave you"
until you fall asleep and dream of the place
where nothing is red.
When is a monster not a monster?
Oh, when you love it.
Oh, when you used to sing it to sleep.
Here are your upturned hands.
Give them to him and watch how he prays
like he is learning his first words.
Start by pulling him out of another fire,
and putting him back together with the pieces
you find on the floor.
There is so much to forgive, but you do not
know how to forget.
When is a monster not a monster?
Oh, when you are the reason it has become so mangled.
Here is your humble offering,
obliterated and broken in the mouth
of this abandoned church.
He has come back to stop the world
from turning itself inside out, and you love him, you do,
so you won't let him.
Tell him that you will never know any better.

When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it.

I mean, I hope you're happy,
But the sky is still the sky without you,
And I'm not surprised by that anymore.

Don't you do that.
Don't you look at what I had for you and call it weak.
Not when you were the one afraid of it.
I stood there with my hands open,
my mouth bruised tender with supplication.
Don't you dare treat me like a victim of my own emotions,
like being moved to my knees by love
was a mistake that I regret.
I will go to my grave with the memory of the bravery in my bones.

I am a city of sounds.
I will keep you safe.
I know I am supposed to feel ugly.
They all tell me that no woman
should look so well-traveled,
but they do not know.
I am earth. I am sun and skies.
I am the high road, the low road.
I am every poem about skin.
I am a world that cannot be explored in one day.
I am not a place for cowards.

The comet fell limp in an unnamed river
and killed nothing.

When they don't love you the way you want to, you mourn that for however long you need to. But then you get back up and you remind yourself. You are not a reflection of the people who can't love you. You will love again. You will be loved again.

My mother tells me
that when I meet someone I like,
I have to ask them three questions:

1. what are you afraid of?
2. do you like dogs?
3. what do you do when it rains?

of those three, she says the first one is the most important.
"They gotta be scared of something, baby. Everybody is. If they aren't afraid of anything, then they don't believe in anything, either."

I asked you what you were afraid of.

"spiders, mostly. being alone. little children, like, the ones who just learned how to push a kid over on the playground. oh and space. holy shit, space."

I asked you if you liked dogs.

"I have three."

I asked you what you do when it rains.

"sleep, mostly. sometimes I sit at the window and watch the rain droplets race. I make a shelter out of plastic in my backyard for all the stray animals; leave them food and a place to sleep."

he smiled like he knew.
like his mom told him the same
thing.
"how about you?"

me?
I'm scared of everything.
of the hole in the o-zone layer,
of the lady next door who never
smiles at her dog,
and especially of all the secrets
the government must be breaking
it's back trying to keep from us.
I love dogs so much, you have no idea.
I sleep when it rains.
I want to tell everyone I love them.
I want to find every stray animal and bring them home.
I

eat, baby.
eat.
chew.
please.
I know it hurts. I know it doesn't feel good.
please.
I know your hunger is different than mine.
I know it doesn't taste the same as mine.
imagine you could grow up all over again
and pinpoint the millisecond that you started
counting calories like casualties of war,
mourning each one like it had a family.
would you?
sometimes I wonder that.
sometimes I wonder if you would go back
and watch yourself reappear and disappear right in front of your own eyes.
and I love you so much.
I am going to hold your little hand through the night.
just please eat. just a little.
you wrote a poem once,
about a city of walking skeletons.
the teacher called home because you
told her you wished it could be like that
here.
let me tell you something about bones, baby.
they are not warm or soft.
the wind whistles through them like they are
holes in a tree.
and they break, too. they break right in half.
they bruise and splinter like wood.
are you hungry?
I know. I know how much you hate that question.
I will find another way to ask it, someday.
please.
the voices.
I know they are all yelling at you to stretch yourself thinner.
l hear them counting, always counting.
I wish I had been there when the world made you
snap yourself in half.
I would have told you that your body is not

I don't think we're in love anymore.
I think about sex constantly.
I hate your parents. I'm pretty sure they hate me.
Do you have any idea how fucked up this is?
I've been sleeping with my back to you for months now,
and you haven't touched me once.
I almost went home with the guy who gave me change
at the bank. I almost asked his name.
I don't think we're in love anymore.
We don't kiss like we used to. Your lips are always
cold and mine are always chapped.
Neither of us even apologize.
I haven't shaved in days and you haven't noticed.
I am insatiable.
I am a disaster just waiting to remember
the storm in her bones.
I am proud of this.
I want someone to fuck me so hard
that something inside of me snaps
and I can't stop screaming 'I love you, oh my God, I love you.'
I don't think we're in love anymore.
Sometimes, I genuinely think the sky is bleeding, and I don't
know how to stop it.
I don't think I am capable of staying put.
My bags are already packed. I've been waiting for you
to check the bedroom.
I don't think we're in love anymore.
I don't know whose fault it is.
Let's stop trying to make a broken thing work.
We were brave for trying.
We were brave for trying.

I think you know you've found someone special when you meet them for the first time, and it feels like you're just picking up where you left off. You kind of look at them and think
'Where the hell did you come from? Where the hell have you been?

I always talk about love but I've seen a life where I can live without it, where I can eat with my hands, make the whole bed, leave the light on for myself.